Friday, June 8, 2012

Zombies V Nun: Chapter Four

Zombies V Nun: Chapter Four

Pearl Learns To Use A Chain-Saw


…..into a hedge of boxwoods. Luckily, boxwoods were fairly cushy shrubs, although they also offered a bit of support. Caleb and Pearl stood up, brushed themselves off, and sprinted towards the garage.

Caleb flung open the doors and Pearl saw the sweetest sight of her life.

A shiny, cherry red Vespa with a little wicker basket on the back. If it hadn’t been for the gnarled hand sticking out of the basket, it would have been just perfect!

“Urggggggh! Urrrrrrgh! Uuuuuuurgh!” Father Thomas reached for her with his stump of an arm. Pearl whipped the potato masher from her belt and slammed him across the forehead. She never really liked Father Thomas very much.

“Take that, you….you…Heathen!”

Caleb chuckled. “We need to work on your cuss words, Pearl.” He swung his knife at Jimmy the Toilet Bowl-Brusher, and decapitated the poor, slobbering undead hired hand.

Pearl continued to smack Father Thomas with her whisk and potato masher, but it wasn’t having the desired effect.

SLAM! Pearl slashed his head with the whisk.

“Uurrrrrgh!” Father Thomas rubbed his forehead in a bewildered manner and lunged again.

SMACK! Pearl banged the potato masher against his bloody, pus-filled crusty ear.

“URRRGGGGH!” Father Thomas yanked the kitchen utensil from her hand.

“Darn it, Caleb. I need some more effective weapons. These kitchen tools just aren’t cutting it!”

“Nice pun, Pearl!” Caleb lifted a shovel, chain-saw and pitch-fork from pegs on the wall. He fired up the saw, tossed it handle-first to Pearl, and egged her on. “Let ‘er rip, baby.”

Pearl ignored the rude term of endearment, swung the chain-saw around, and made quick work of Father Thomas’ ghastly noggin.

Her skirt was tattered, her shiny shoes were covered with bile and bits of flesh. Her veil had fallen off in the boxwood bushes, and her pristine habit was now speckled with blood. But Pearl didn’t have time to ponder her embarrassing appearance. She and Caleb dashed to the Vespas, turned on the ignitions, and roared out of the garage.

And straight into Hell.


Oh, Pearl! You are a bad-ass nun!

And tomorrow, Chapter Five....Who Needs A Horse When You've Got A Vespa?

Happy Reading,