Dear Mr. Johnny Come Lately Publisher,
My name is Miranda B. Cuttlefish, and I have written a beautiful and romantic story about two young star-crossed lovers. The title is A Sweet Summertime Love. The heroine is a kind social worker who helps underprivileged children in her spare time, and the hero is a marine with a severe crew-cut who worships the ground she walks on. This lovely contemporary is a "sweet" romance....in other words, no unsavory scenes, if you get my drift. I hope you will consider publishing it. I am a former nun who is following my life-long dream of becoming a romance novelist.
Sincerely,
Miranda B. Cuttlefish
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Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,
I read your story and found it quite intriguing. I especially like the hero's crew cut. However, I am wondering if you are open to making a few changes to the manuscript before publication. Rated G "sweet" romances are not that popular right now. Could we include some oral sex scenes? In other words, they don't have to "go all the way" but a blow job will surely help sales. What do you think?
John
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Dear John,
Well, I am slightly uncomfortable with those sorts of unnatural sex acts, but I suppose if you think it will help sales, I would be willing to give it a try.
Sincerely,
Miranda
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Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,
I have looked over your re-writes and the oral sex scenes need some work. For example, just placing a chaste kiss on the tip of a penis does not actually constitute oral sex. Also, my colleagues think that a menage scenario would spice this story up a bit. One of them also suggested a spanking scene. Maybe when they are visiting the grandmother who lives in Sicily? What do you think?
John
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Dear John,
I am not familiar with the French language. What exactly does menage mean? And I'm not sure a spanking scene would be appropriate at that emotional point in the story. His grandmother has just died, and you want him to spank the heroine? I don't get it.
Miranda
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Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,
After further discussion, my colleagues have agreed to publish your book if the following changes are made to the manuscript....
1.) The hero is a vampire.
2.) The heroine is a submissive who requires copious amounts of flogging in order to orgasm.
3.) At least 4 scenes in the book should include anal sex and butt plugs.
4.) A male/male sex scene (potentially orgy) should be added during the marine reunion chapter.
5.) Instead of a crew cut, the hero should have long, shaggy hair (evidently women find this attractive).
Please make the necessary revisions and we will get back to you.
John
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Dear John,
1.) The majority of my story takes place during daylight hours, so I'm not sure how to transform the hero into a vampire, since he would be instantly incinerated.
2.) What is a butt plug?
3.) How many characters need to be involved in an "orgy"? Just looking for a ball-park figure.
4.) I really feel the crew cut is important to the hero's character since he is a marine.
Miranda
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Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,
We were pleasantly surprised by your re-writes. Who knew a nun would be so creative with a marine super-orgy scene? That was truly inspired. We now feel your book is ready for publication. In fact, I predict stunning sales for this work. Thank you so much for your flexibility.
John
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Dear John,
This has certainly been an eye-opening experience for me. After doing some "hands-on" research at the local BDSM club to ensure my book had an authentic feel to it, I am now considered one of the premiere female dominatrixes in my area. I can't wait for Spanking Henrietta to hit the stores. Thanks so much for your help.
Miranda
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