Monday Morning Updates

1. Nat's soccer team lost the finals, 0-2. But Nat was on fire! She had an incredible game and played with the older girls on the starting line-up. I was super proud of her. Which she exploited immediately by saying "Don't you think I played great? I want a pet praying mantis." We are going to the pet store today after school. (I know. I know.)

2. I finished Sondrae Bennett's book Worth Fighting For. I enjoyed this friends-to-lovers fox shapeshifter book.

3. I started reading Linda Howard's Now You See Her. Very intriguing beginning to this book. Can't wait to see what happens. (It has a "I See Dead People" thing going on).

4. Finished a beta read for RJ Silver, which made me laugh out loud so much my family kept asking what I was reading. And started a beta read for critique partner Sam Wayland (about a sexy hockey player) and it's phenomenal. Great reading weekend!

5. TODAY IS THE LAST FULL DAY OF SCHOOL! I'm doing a quick revision on Lumberjack in Love before all hell breaks loose at my house for summer vacation.

Hope everyone has a great Monday,
Penelope

Quickie Interview With RJ Silver

One of my favorite discoveries in 2011 was a new-to-me author who combines snappy writing, sarcastic humor, and a dollop of romance in his witty short stories. (My other favorite discoveries in 2011 are Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Lovers 85% Cacao Bar and the Etsy site. More on those later!).

Back to RJ. He's an alien. He's hilarious. And he has a book with the word "penis" in the title. Since I have a penchant for reading train wrecks (can you say Bearotica?) I immediately jumped at the chance to read The Princess and The Penis, thinking it would be excellent fodder for a train wreck post. Little did I know.... it was cute, funny and a hysterical satire of the romance genre. 

Following that unexpected discovery, I quickly read RJ's other stories...The Ballerina, The Gymnast and The Yoga Master, and his latest story, My Third-World Girlfriend. I also started stalking following him on Twitter, at Goodreads, on Facebook, and sending him disturbing fan mail complimentary emails. 

Since he hasn't taken out a restraining order yet, I think he likes me!

RJ was gracious enough to answer a few questions for me today. And he is offering all my readers a totally cool freebie. You can download The Ballerina, The Gymnast and The Yoga Master (my favorite!) for free at Smashwords....use this coupon: CA54Q. Thanks, RJ!

Here's my Interview With RJ......

1.     What is the funniest thing you’ve ever read? Snorting out loud, embarrassing yourself in a public place sort of funny?

My last divorce settlement was pretty funny, in a cup-your-hands-over-your-face , crying sort of way.  Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 was pretty good, too, perhaps because it helped me better understand what happened in the settlement.

2.     Micro-brew from Vermont or Budweiser?

Micro-brew from Vermont. There’s nothing I love more than an adventure with an unpredictable ending.

3.     If you had to join one reality TV show, what would it be?

            Lost. I know it only aired for a season or two, but I feel as if I’m still filming.

4.     What’s the coolest place you’ve ever lived?

Downtown Bangkok. Such a bustling, energetic place. The fact I didn’t have a job for the year seemed to help, too.

5.     What’s the best color combination? A.) Blue and White B.) Navy and Orange C.) Black and Gold ....Follow-up question….How many terrible towels do you own?

Black and Gold, of course. But, actually, I don’t own any terrible towels.  I try not to own anything anymore, mainly because it makes a quick escape so much easier.

6.     What’s the wackiest fan comment you’ve ever received?

One woman insisted I write about a vagina (hence my post, The Vagina Conundrum).  Thankfully, I’m in a meaningful relationship, otherwise that might have spurred another 25 years of in-depth research.

7.     Do you plan to write any other books about penises? Just wondering.

No, but I am working on a story involving testicles.  It’s about twins.

8.     What’s the best “I just fucked up and have to get my girlfriend a suck-up gift” purchase? A) Flowers B) Candy C) 25 karat diamond tiara D) All of the above, and a new SUV wouldn’t be a bad idea either

Surprisingly, it was a new SUV. Not very smart, considering that woman had just run over her husband multiple times in Houston.

9.     Any special care for your antenna? Conditioners? Hair mousse? Does your girlfriend try to put a bow on it….sort of like a yorkie? See photo below….

          I don’t know what she does with my antenna, but sometimes, when I wake up, the top of my head is sore.  As for special care, no.  It’s up there in the fresh air and the sunshine, with no folds or crevices to worry about, so it pretty much takes care of itself.

             

10. If someone had to play you in a movie, who would it be?

Jack Nicholson, hands down.  He’s been crazy (One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest), had serious women problems (The Witches of Eastwick), and has firsthand experience working with Aliens (Mars Attacks).  Jack, call me.

Oh....I LOVE Jack! Good one! He would look great with an antenna on his head, too. Well, it's always good to have a fellow Stillers fan (that's "Steelers" for all you non-Pittsburghers) on my site. Thanks for stopping by.

For anyone looking for a quick, funny, clever, well-written story, I recommend any of RJ's books...

The Princess And The Penis
The Ballerina, The Gymnast and The Yoga Master (use coupon CA54Q)
My Third-World Girlfriend

Also, check out his website and blog....he has some hilarious posts! And all of the adorable cartoons are done by Scott Fiander.

Well, I'm off to wave my terrible towel and guzzle down a Magic Hat #9. Please leave a comment for RJ and say hi!

Penelope

Review of My Third-World Girlfriend by RJ Silver

My Third-World Girlfriend by RJ Silver

Hee heee heeee....Oh lordy! RJ Silver does indeed have a wicked sense of humor. I have been plowing through all of his books, and I just finished his latest offering, My Third-World Girlfriend.

Once again, he combines sharp and stinging wit with a sweet romance. This is a quick read, but filled with humor, social commentary, and a tender love story. Our hero, Gerry, is a bumbling westerner who has a dismal history with women. He makes the unfortunate acquaintance of three misogynist old geezers who talk him into chucking his old life and travelling to Thailand, where there are plenty of willing women, cold beers, and general debauchery.

Gerry meets the woman of his dreams (Kinlaya) while puking his guts out on a sidewalk after an all-night bender. This inevitably leads to some conflict with his womanizing partners-in-crime, who worry that his new relationship will lead to his emasculation and a lifetime of being hen-pecked.

At one point he meets his friends in a bar and realizes he has no money (his girlfriend hides his cash to invest in their future)....

"Say, you guys don't happen to have a few baht you could loan me, do you? I seem to have left my money back home."

"Vhere?" asked Fritz. "In the jar with your testicles?"

Poor Gerry. He falls in love with his sweet new girlfriend, but as the grown-up responsibilities of real life close in (running errands, cleaning dishes, building shoe shelves for Kinlaya), so does his uncertainty. I don't want to spoil the hilarious ending of this story for you, but suffice it to say it involves a shipwreck, de-programming by Amazonian natives, and a lovely Happy Ever After (HEA).

I'm not sure how he does it, but Silver manages to skewer the a-holes exploiting women from third world countries, paint a sympathetic portrait of the bumbling hero, and weave a sweet romance together in one short story. Some satires are scathing and depressing as hell. I always finish reading one of RJ's stories with a big smile on my face.

Another winner by RJ Silver! Keep 'em coming, RJ! :^)

Grade: A

P.S. I would also like to point out that all of Silver's stories are self-pubbed. I can't speak for the rest of the self-published books in the world, but I know there is still quite a bit of skepticism and snobbery concerning self-pubbed/"indie" books. ("Indie" actually refers to small independent presses, but there is confusion about these terms.) For anyone who still considers a self-pubbed book a "second class citizen" I suggest you read one of RJ's books. These are well-written, well-constructed, entertaining, clever, unique and quirky bits of storytelling. All topped off with an HEA, which makes them damned near perfect in my not so humble opinion. Yep, I am officially an RJ Silver fan-girl/stalker. No restraining orders necessary, RJ! I swear!

As of 10-13-11 (the date I am writing this post), his story The Princess and The Penis is ranked #6 on the Amazon romance bestseller list. Are you kidding me? A small self-pubbed book that is a satire of the princess and the pea is in the Top 10! Take that, big-ass New York publishers! Woo hoo! His success story is inspirational for authors everywhere.

Happily ever after,
Penelope

Review of The Ballerina, The Gymnast, and The Yoga Master by RJ Silver

Review of The Ballerina, The Gymnast, and The Yoga Master by RJ Silver

I think RJ Silver might be my long-lost twin brother.

I tried to bookmark every place in this book that made me laugh out loud while I was reading it, and I realized I was bookmarking every single page.

No shit.

It takes a certain kind of talent to be able to make fun of people, and do it in a light-hearted, non-offensive way, and to add a sweet optimism into that mixture of cynical satire.

RJ Silver has that whole thing down.

Following up a book titled The Princess and The Penis is a pretty tall order. What to do for an encore? Well, once again Silver has penned a short, sweet, hilarious, clever, adorable story with an HEA. There's really nothing more a girl could ask for. (At least this girl).

My favorite books have symmetry in them, both in character arcs and storylines. For example, the stuffy professor lightens up by the end of the book and learns how to laugh. The horrible tragedy that occurs in Chapter One leads to a romantic and satisfying HEA at the end of the book. The man who has everything (a billionaire) really has nothing because he can't find love. Until he does. With a chocolate-loving stranger sitting next to him on a park bench. (That's this story, by the way).

I don't want to spoil the book, so suffice it to say that RJ Silver makes fun of everyone--people, places and things--and you are laughing right along with him. Until the adorable end which was absolute perfection.

He might not admit it, but I think Silver is a romance-lover at heart. After you finish laughing at everyone and yourself, there's nothing better than snuggling up with the one you love. (Or dressing up like a fireman and playing "Save The Damsel In Distress.")

Grade: A

Loving this gem!

Penelope

Review of The Princess and The Penis by RJ Silver

The Princess and The Penis by RJ Silver


After reading about 14,952 romance novels, a few things become clear. No matter what the story is about--a duke, a werewolf, a football player, a Carpathian vampire, a steampunky swashbuckler, a baker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, or even an Orca shapeshifter--the real star of the show is actually...the penis. Yes, this is in fact true. It gets tons of attention, pages and pages of highly detailed description, and often saves the day.

If you have one male hero and one female heroine, then the star is one penis. If you have a slash novel (M/M), then you've got two. If you have a kinky erotica, there could be dozens, God help us. And if you have an alien or animal breed or whatever, you might find barbs or double-headed monsters, etc etc. The sky is really the limit. And by the end of the book, you've become intimately familiar with this star...its shape, size, texture, taste and performance ability.

Now imagine that you want to write a satire about romance. Why not eliminate the middle man and get right down to business? Just make the "hero" a penis. A big ole penis who romances a princess.

Well, hell...that is the most freakin' brilliant, clever, witty, and quirky premise for a story I've read in a very long time.

Not only has RJ Silver (who is a man, by the way) come up with a fabulous premise for this story, he has executed it perfectly. This book has everything...awesome cover art (look at her face! hee hee), snappy dialogue, a kind-hearted princess who loves to cuddle her new best bud just like her pet ferret, a flabbergasted king and queen who are stymied by their daughter's new "friend," an evil underendowed villain, great sidekicks (the aunties) for even more comedic relief, and finally, a true hero....a giant penis who has been bewitched, and only a kiss can set him free. (And yes, the princess gives the giant penis a kiss! Naughty, naughty girl!).

I'm not sure what RJ Silver has in mind for an encore, but I, for one, will be reading it.

Grade: A

Delighted with this wickedly delicious satire,
Penelope

P.S. Right now the story is available for free at Goodreads!

ETA: Here is the link to RJ's website...he is hilarious...check it out!