Bite Down Brits, Alpha Chick Werewolves, and Horny Gorillas From Outer Space

Sometimes, as I'm reading a book, I wonder how the author composed a query letter trying to sell it. Because the premise is so wacky, it's hard to believe a publisher heard the pitch and then said...."This sounds great!" Here's an example.....


Dear Joe Schmo Publishing Co,

I hope you will consider publishing my story. It's a 30 page quickie about a super horny alpha male gorilla alien dude from outer space who kidnaps an earth girl to use as a sex slave, chases after her in the jungle, and then she gets trapped by a super horny alien plant that fondles her sex organs and tries to suck her dry until she goes completely insane (hence the title Dementia), but then the "hero" finds her and boinks her for most of the 30 pages, and then they decide they are hopelessly in love with each other.

I have been a member of the RWA for 14 years, and I live in Ohio with 37 cats and a pot-bellied pig.

Sincerely,
Susi Q Author



Dear Susi Q,

We'll take it!

Sincerely,
Joe Schmo



The super short quickie (took me about 5-10 minutes to read it, and cost me $4, which was irksome) Dementia was recommended as a "Tarzan and Jane" style book on the Amazon boards. Yep, it had a jungle and a super horny "hero"....and it was definitely a sexy story. It's part of a series, and I'm sure if I had read the rest of this series perhaps this book would have made more sense to me. It was a little too wonky, even for Penelope. Grade: C+


Next update....I read The Art Of Seducing A Naked Werewolf  by Molly Harper. Interesting thing about this new series by Molly Harper....these books are written in first person POV, but the first book is written by Mo (non werewolf with a killer sense of humor), and the second book is written in Maggie's POV (she is now the female alpha leader of her werewolf pack). This is the first time I have seen a series where the books are being told in first person POV by different characters, with very different "voices." Part of the reason that How To Flirt With A Naked Werewolf (first book in the series) was so adorable and cute is that the heroine's voice is spunky, sassy, sarcastic and hilarious. There is a real energy and sparkle to that book. Maggie, the heroine of the second book, has quite a different voice. So this book has a different feel to it. Harper's humor still comes through in this one, but it is not as zingy, not as sparkly. I felt like I was slogging through this one at times....places with too many info dumps, and one of my big pet peeves in romance--the hero and heroine were not together for a big chunk of the book. The best part of a romance is the chemistry between the hero and heroine, not the damned plot. If that's missing, so is the sparkle. This one fell flat for me. Other problems I had with it....not nearly as sexy as the first one, and a huge TSTL moment in the book for the heroine that pissed me off. Right after giving her cousin serious crap about running in the woods alone and almost getting killed, Maggie decides to...go off to run in the woods alone. I was disappointed with this one, but still love the humor of this author, and look forward to reading more of her books. Grade: C+

Finally, huge gigantic thanks to Patti from the blog Book Addict. I was in a foul, horrible mood and asked folks on twitter for a book recommendation to cheer me up, and Patti recommended The Unidentified Redhead by Alice Clayton. This was just what the doctor ordered, baby! So hilarious I could not stop laughing out loud. Alice Clayton accomplished two things with this book that impressed the hell out of me. One, she made her first person POV heroine sassy without being a pain in the arse (I loved her!), and two, she made this book incredibly sexy. It's not easy writing first person POV sex scenes and making them hot. This book was smoking hot, had unbelievably great chemistry between the hero and heroine, fabulous secondary characters, and was chock full of excellent pop culture references that made me swoon. The New Kids On The Block! Cory Haim! So great! I usually hate blond, curly haired heroes, but this Brit was super delish. The scene where they are eating in bed, and she is picking out melba toasts from the chex mix for him, and he is picking out wheat chex for her, and.....OK, you had to be there, but seriously, it's adorable! Any author who can make chex mix romantic is a winner in my book. Grade: A

Sincerely,
Joe Schmo Publisher I mean Penelope

Irksome Heroines, Beanstalks and Hot Aliens: I'm Exhausted and It's Only Monday

Here's a quickie update on my 3 latest reads.....

Jaq's Harp by Ella Drake:

This was an ARC....will be released by Carina Press in February. The premise for this story is fantastic. It's a futuristic sci fi take on the legend of Jack and the Beanstalk. I adore funky new twists on fairy tales and legends. Drake calls this book a "twisted fairytale, biopunk romance." What I liked....the sci fi details are awesome. Drake does a tremendous job with her world-building. The bio-engineered beanstalk, the floating "islands," the hovercrafts, the dark, gritty, and desperate feel to life for the poor schmucks left on the surface of the earth, all make for a stunning vision of a world gone awry with technology. I also liked the heroine, Jaq, a lot...she is the quintessential kick-ass heroine, complete with roundhouse kicks, etc etc. The storyline was solid (with bitchy villainess and a-hole villain), had lots of action and suspense, and was extremely well written. Which may have worked against Drake in the end...I wanted more to this story. It was too short for me. The sci fi part worked great, but I wanted more about the characters and their relationship. I tend to gravitate to character-driven stories, not plot-centered stories, but even so....I still was fully engaged in this one.

Grade: B+

Captured by Julia Rachel Barrett:

Sci fi/futuristic book #2 for the weekend! This one was quite different than the first. Captured was not about the action, it was about the characters. It still had tons of cool details about this alien society, but the real story was about the relationship between the alien hunter and his human cargo. Barrett puts forth an incredible thought-provoking premise for this novel...what if an alien species sees humans as a source of....food? Kidnaps us and treats us like cattle, then auctions us off to hungry aliens? Cripes....gives me shivers just thinking about it. Needless to say, this brings up a lot of disturbing themes, including similarities with Jews in Nazi Germany. Barrett certainly does not shy away from difficult material. The bottom line: the book is very well written, the love story is totally believable and evolves in a very emotional way, and the plot had me spell-bound (if not a nervous freakin' wreck) until the very end. The end was perfect for a sci fi story, although the romance-lover in me wanted an epilogue...hee hee! My only concern with this book (and frankly, all of the sci fi books I have been reading lately) is that I'm not quite sure erotica and sci fi is a great combination. It is sometimes jarring to have hard-core erotica scenes mixed into a sci fi story. I think romance and sci fi would be okay, but erotica (especially the terminology, etc) is tough to blend in with this type of story. Bottom line: loved the premise, the characters, and Barrett's intelligent narrative.

Grade: A-

Beast Behaving Badly by Shelly Laurenston

Mistake #1: I paid a lot of money for this sucker. Mistake #2: It's not the first in the series, and I was completely confused about the enormous number of characters...so many my eyes were crossing. Mistake #3: The heroine was the most irritating, annoying, pinging-off-the-wall, irksome, hyper, basically unlikable heroine I have ever read in my entire freakin' life.

Saving grace: the hero was absolutely adorable...I totally want my own lion-polar bear. Stat! By the end of the book, the heroine slightly redeemed herself by her loyalty to the abused hybrids, and I managed to finish this book, although it was extremely close to being DNFed. Extremely. Freakin. Close.

Bottom line: Start at beginning of series. No more flaky heroines. Get my own lion-polar bear.

Grade: C+

Whew! I'm exhausted and it's only Monday. And I think there's a new book out tomorrow or something like that.....hmmm.....now what is it again? Let me think......

Penny

Kick Ass Babies, Lesbian Pirates, and Old People In Love

Another great trio of books this past week! I'm starting off 2011 with a bang!

First up, Mari Carr's Do Over. It was recommended to me at Goodreads (by Samantha...thanks, Missy!) as a nice "older" couple story. Faith and Troy have been married for 25 years, and Troy decides to surprise his wife with an incredibly romantic re-hash of their lives together....revisiting the location of their first kiss, church where they were married, etc etc. OK, seriously, this dude is the man! He is so sexy, sweet, thoughtful and romantic, I just wanna bottle him up and chug him like a bottle of Corona. (That's a weird image, but work with me, people...). This story is very romantic and wonderfully emotional. And super sexy! I can't wait to read more of Carr's stories. Excellent!

Grade: A

I have a confession to make. I'm not really into gay sex stories. I know they're all hot and hip and happenin' and trendy right now, but I sort of don't care that much. Someone once said the reason why gay male stories are so hot is that two c*cks are better than one. ☺ I think that is an awesome and hilarious statement, but nevertheless, I can't get myself that worked up about the whole thing. I know, I'm a sad Vanilla girl. (French vanilla with bittersweet chocolate sauce, but it's still vanilla). So, imagine my unmitigated surprise when I read a lesbian story, and I liked it! In fact, I thought it was smoky hot, funny, adorable, entertaining, suspenseful and very well written. KT Grant's The Princess's Bride is a cute, sexy take on The Princess Bride...with a saucy wench pirate, a sexy daisy of a princess, lots of "dewy" moments, an evil licentious villain, and a totally satisfying HEA that involves a lesbian lover's hide-away on an island. Hee hee...gotta love that ending! Who knew I'd be digging a lesbian pirate story? Amazing!

Grade: A

Finally, the latest Ghostwalker book by Christine Feehan is out...Ruthless Game. This is a solid showing for Feehan, not my favorite Ghostwalker story, but still a good addition to the series. I found the relationship between Rose and Kane not quite as intense as the other couples. One of the things I love about this series is the fact that the alpha Ghostwalker boys are sooooo over the top. Over the top alpha-warrior-kick ass-sexual dynamos-hot for their gals-will kill anyone who gets in their way, etc. etc. You get the picture. Kane and Rose have a new baby, and they still don't seem quite as crazed as the other Ghostwalkers. Which I guess is a good thing. The best thing about this book.....the babies!!!! Oh, holy crap, how cool is the final scene at the wedding where the Ghostwalker next-generation is sitting there in their onesies, totally communicating telepathically and watching everyone with their super-intelligent, beady little eyes! I cannot wait to see what CF has in store for these bambinos. I'm picturing a toddler covered with knives, guns, machetes, walky-talkies, and a crew cut. And maybe a stogie hanging out of his mouth. Barking orders in baby talk. Yessssss! Can't wait to see them in action...Ghostwalkers, The Next Generation.

Grade: B+

Happy Wednesday,

Penelope

Christmas Eve Eve Updates

Hi everyone! I'm at Book Chick City today, doing a "Where Books Are Made" feature. There are photos of my home office (decorated for the holiday, of course!), Christmas tree, weenie dog in Santa hat, etc. etc. The photo above is one of my special antique elves from my Nana. I have a whole posse playing different musical instruments. Please stop by to say hello!

I also had two great reviews recently for Sweet Inspiration...

From ALPHA Reader:

"I've got to hand it to Penny Watson; she has some seriously big baubles. It's not easy making a sexy contemporary romance out of pop culture's most un-sexy man...."

heee hee heee...I've got big baubles! Well, all right!

From Babbling About Books:

"Penny Watson's Sweet Inspiration is chock full of Christmas cheer. This is an adorable, sexy story that should be wrapped in a big red bow and given to any reader as a present."

I am so stoked to get two wonderful reviews. Good Christmas gift for me! Today is shopping day for Christmas dinner...beef tenderloin with three sauces....red, green and white (my husband's specialty). And for Christmas Eve, our tradition is having home-made pizzas! It's a lot of fun. Hope all of you are surviving the spectacular count-down....

Feliz Navidad,

Penelope

Space Cowboys, Cinderella, and Some Black Suede Chaps

I read three great books last week...and they couldn't be more different. I got a Cinderella-inspired Harly, my first space cowboy sci-fi/romance, and some sexy humping love from Lorelei James.

First up.....Barbara Wallace's The Cinderella Bride, a Harlequin Romance. I haven't read too many Harlies...they conjure up memories of my sister's closet romance reading habit in high school. ☺ I have read a few....Touch Me, a Harlequin Blaze by Jacquie D'Alessandro, was fantastic. Some of the "Tycoon" books were less than stellar and chock full of clichés. The Cinderella Bride really resonated with me for several reasons. One, it rose above the cliché...the practical, nose-to-the-grindstone heroine transformed for one magical night in New York City. Wallace did a great job creating the pragmatic heroine Emma...her committed work ethic and loyalty to her boss, the matriarch of Kent Hotels, were totally sincere. The fantasy night in Manhattan was romantic and wonderful. The hero Gideon is a fabulous mix of charm, rugged good looks, maritime talents, and sophisticated hotelier. A great combination and totally appealing! The hilarious grandmother/temporary CEO who is addicted to soap operas was an excellent addition to the cast of characters. My only beef with the book is that the ending wrapped up just a little too quickly for me. Wallace did a perfect job drawing out their believable attraction and love affair, and I wanted more frosting on the HEA. Don't skimp on the frosting, baby!!!!! That's the best danged part.

Grade: A-

Next, I read a new-t0-me-author, Ella Drake. (Both she and Barbara Wallace are fellow New England Chapter RWA writers. Go, NEC!!!). The premise for her sci-fi/romance Silver Bound is fascinating. A woman has her mind wiped and becomes a sexual slave. The details about this process are incredibly cool and the difficulty in creating a character who has lost her identity is staggering. The heroine can't just become a mindless sex addict, or the reader won't give a crap about her. Somehow she has to retain some of her will and recognize her lost humanity. Drake does a wonderful job with this challenge, and also creates a sexy space cowboy hero, a totally absorbing and suspenseful storyline, a fabulous array of secondary characters, and delivers with the HEA. My only criticism with the story was that I was really hoping for a more blood-thirsty ending for the villain. For God's sake, he deserved a bad-ass whooping! I wanted the hero (or heroine!) to shoot 'em, stab 'em, torture 'em, fling him out of the space craft, wipe his mind (how do you like it, buddy????), etc etc etc. I know, I am shocking my own self with these violent tendencies, but seriously, getting carted off to jail was not a good enough ending for this big jerk-off. (Okay, time for some herbal tea). Otherwise, I loved this story, and am looking forward to reading more of Ella Drake's books!

Grade: A-

And the final chap-wearing, cowboy-humping, wrangler-wrangling, sexy read for the week...Lorelei James' Strong, Silent Type. I won a giveaway contest at Smexybooks and got this great freebie from Lorelei James...huge thanks to Mandi and Lorelei. Yippee! I adored the premise for this erotic story. A couple who has been together for 14 years has lost the spark in their marriage. I really like reading about older couples instead of young, horny characters all the time...especially in erotica. There is something very sexy about mature characters who have some life experience, and it makes for a more emotionally intense story. Quinn is a great hero...I love how he breaks out of his reticent shell to become more sexually adventurous, more romantic and more in tune with his wife's needs. Libby also realizes she's been short-changing her husband as a result of their infertility troubles, and their re-connection is completely satisfying. (In every way...Ride 'em, cowboy!). My favorite part of the book is when Libby makes Quinn's fantasy come true by wearing nothing but the fringy, black suede chaps. As Libby models the scandalous "outfit" Quinn says..."Keep goin. I'm gettin all kinds of worked up." Hee hee hee....gotta love those cowboys!

This is a great addition to the Rough Riders Series.

Grade: A

Okay, ladies and gentlemen. The Christmas Countdown Has Commenced...here we go!

Penelope