Quickies R Us

I've been doing a lot of re-reads lately. So, I decided to whip up some quickie reviews. Get ready for one-sentence reviews.

Ready, set, go!


Dark Melody by Christine Feehan: A sensitive, beta-ish Carpathian vampire (I know, I know...weird, huh?) falls in love with a pregnant musical psychic with a heart condition, and then they get chased by bad guys, and then he turns her into a blood-sucking lifemate, and then they live happily ever after. Grade: A

(I never said they weren't going to be run-on sentences).

Dark Legend by Christine Feehan: A totally hot and masterful Carpathian vampire claims his mate, who happens to be a bad-ass doctor, and then they adopt an abused young woman, and then they get chased by bad guys and some vamps, and then they have steamy hot sex underground, and then they live happily ever after. Grade: A

Dark Guardian by Christine Feehan: A tiny human cop who is being stalked by a deranged psycho killer falls in love with a Carpathian vampire, and then they get chased by bad guys, and some bad vampires, and finally the psycho killer, and then Lucian turns Jax into a blood-sucking lifemate, and then they kill all the bad guys, and then they live happily ever after. Grade: A

Ready by Lucy Monroe: A sexy ex-ranger develops a "sexual obsession" (aka, falls madly in love but he's too stupid to realize it until the bitter end of the book) with a writer who has a stalker, and then they get chased by a bad guy, and then they catch the bad guy, and then he knocks her up and they live happily ever after. Grade: A

Willing by Lucy Monroe: A super-intense Native American ex-ranger develops a "sexual obsession" (you know, that whole falling-madly-in-love-but-he-is-totally-clueless-until-the-end-of-the-book-thing) for the daughter of his business partner, and then some bad guys try to blow everyone up, and then the good guys find the bad guys, and there's a totally hot losing-her-virginity-scene (swoony!) and then they live happily ever after. Grade: A

And Able by Lucy Monroe: An ex-ranger with a southern accent gets a "sexual obsession" (blah blah blah...you know the scoop) for a computer geeky gal with crazy curly red hair, and then some bad guys try to kill her, and then Claire and Brett fly a kite, and then they get the bad guy, and then he knocks her up and they live happily ever after. Grade: A

Where the Heart Leads by Stephanie Laurens (part of the Penelope Project!): An independent virgin heroine with glasses (named Penelope) decides to investigate the disappearance of some young boys, and enlists the aid of Barnaby Adair, and finally figures out that sex might be fun, and so she has a naughty love affair while uncovering a thievery ring, and then they get chased by bad guys, and then they catch the bad guys, and then Penelope and Barnaby dance a waltz at their wedding and live happily ever after. Grade: A

Hoping to find a blood-sucking lifemate with a sexual obsession and a happily ever after,
Penelope

Monday Morning Update

I can't believe it! I already have my first DNF for the year, it's only the 2nd week of January for God's sake.

I'm sort of surprised, because I thought I would absolutely love this book....Touched by an Alien by Gini Koch. It seemed right up my alley. Quirky, funny, alien-y. The writing was great, I loved the humor, and the characters were interesting. But I only made it half-way through, then I had to bail. I just couldn't take it anymore.

Why, you ask.

Well, the problem was an unbelievable case of information dump. There is a fine line when writing a paranormal story around bringing the reader (and in some cases, the characters) up to speed about the paranormal setting. What are all the rules and regulations (and possibly history) of this new paranormal world? As an author, you need to relay the pertinent information, but without bogging down the narrative. It's tough. Sometimes, there's too little info and the reader is confused about the new terrain, and sometimes there is way too much info, and the reader's eyes start glazing over and she starts thinking about her grocery list, and her son's next swim meet, and that she is almost out of dog food.....

You get the idea.

I also readily admit I like fast-paced stories. When things start slowing down the narrative (which can include too much deep POV, which drives me nutso, or an enormous info dump, etc) I get antsy. I know, I'm shallow and superficial and need instant gratification. Whatever. The point is (there's a point????) that this book had info dump after info dump, and they kept interfering with a very nice storyline. Bummer. Gini Koch seems like a great writer, so I'm willing to try another one of her books, but this one couldn't keep my attention span (which appears to be the same as a three year old...heh heh).

After that fiasco, I re-read Stephanie Lauren's Captain Jack's Woman, which is the pre-cursor to the Bastion Club series. The premise for this book is utterly ridiculous...a gently-reared member of the ton disguises herself as a boy and becomes leader of a smuggling gang. O-kay. Sure. This has all of the classic SL stuff in it...alpha male hero, gorgeous and courageous heroine, interesting historical storyline, sex against a tree (okay, that's not actually in every SL book, but it's in this one), and chapter-long sex scenes. It's a fun SL re-read!

Next up....The Iron Duke! I will be posting a discussion about the steampunk genre on The Quirky Ladies blog at some point this week, and I'll have the review for The Iron Duke on my Penelope page.

Happy Monday,

Penelope

Mini Review of The Untamed Bride by Stephanie Laurens

The Untamed Bride by Stephanie Laurens

After the disastrous final installment of The Bastion Club series (Mastered by Love), I was reluctant to dive into the new Laurens' series, The Black Cobra Quartet. I bought this book at the grocery store on a whim and figured....What the heck, I'll give Stephanie another chance!

Well, lo and behold, Stephanie Laurens got her mojo back! The suspense part of this book is absolutely riveting. I adored the prelude to this book, which takes place in India, 1822. It made me remember one of the reasons I used to love SL so much....she is truly a gifted writer. The beginning of this book, which is purely setting the stage for the suspense portion of the story and has nothing to do with the romance, is superb.

Laurens does not disappoint with the romance part of this book either. There is a terrific chemistry between the hero (Del) and heroine (Deliah) right from their initial meeting. (I can't believe SL's editor let her get away with those names! Are you kidding me?). Deliah is SL's best type of heroine...feisty, determined, strong-willed and sexy. Their first love scene is great--a scorcher! In fact, I found all of the love scenes to be sexy and emotionally fulfilling, something that had been lacking lately in her novels.

Other strong points of this novel: including old favorite characters (the Cynsters, the Bastion Club guys, their wives), lots of action-packed scenes with swords, pistols, assassins and thugs, and incredibly emotionally satisfying love scenes at the end (especially when Del professes his love for her and proposes....sigh! so romantic!!!). My only complaint was that the book seemed a little short, and the climatic scene at the end when Larkin is confronted in the church was sort of a let-down. But who really cares? Stephanie got her mojo back, and I for one am a happy, happy camper. Grade: B+

Penelope

A Blast From The Past: All About Passion by Stephanie Laurens

All About Passion by Stephanie Laurens (2001)

I had a very weird reading week. First of all, I read Pamela Clare's Surrender, one of the most beloved books of romance, and I found myself laughing (that would be laughing at it, not with it)..."Oh Annie! Oh Iain!" Oh, Jesus H. Canola! Then I tried Wild Card by Lora Leigh (as in "lay"?) which is another top recommendation. "I'm going to eat you like candy, baby." Hee hee hee...you have got to be kidding me! I realized while reading this book that one of my top pet peeves with romance novels is the over-use of "baby" as a term of endearment. Seriously, whenever I hear the term "baby" it makes me think of a greasy dude in polyester with lots of gold chains, a cheesy mustache and a bowl haircut..."Oh yeah, I'm gonna eat you like candy, baby." Sigh. I would laugh my ass off (thereby killing the amorous mood) if my man ever said that to me.

Which brings me to All About Passion, a favorite re-read. There were a minimum of exclamation points. And Gyles never refers to Francesca as "baby." Excellent! I think this book beautifully showcases Stephanie Laurens' talent as a writer. Gyles is a fascinating alpha-male, Cynster-like hero, determined to marry for convenience, not for love. Francesca is one of Lauren's best heroines ever...fire-y and intense, smart and clever, stunningly beautiful, incredibly passionate...she is Gyle's match in every way. One of the greatest scenes EVER in a romance novel is the beginning of their wedding ceremony, when Gyles looks down the aisle to see his supposed wimpy little bride, sees the woman he thinks he is about to marry sitting in a pew, and then realizes he has made an unbelievable mistake and is actually marrying the sexy "gypsy" he intended to take as a mistress. Crimeny, this scene rocks it, baby. (Oops, I just used the term baby, please forgive!). Laurens does a great job weaving the emotional journey between these two characters, a nice little mystery, her usual breath-taking glimpse into the world of Regency England, and very lusty love scenes between the h/h. Watching Gyles fall under Francesca's spell is wonderful. All About Passion is a classic Laurens' novel, and one of my favorite re-reads from the Cynster series. Grade: A

It's Penelope, Baby! 

Review of Mastered by Love by Stephanie Laurens

Mastered by Love by Stephanie Laurens

Nooooooooooo! Why, Stephanie, why?????

OK, to say that I am massively disappointed by this book would be an understatement. I have enjoyed the Bastion Club series quite a bit, although the last one (The Edge of Desire) was not my favorite, and some of them have felt repetitive, not unlike the Cynster series. However, Dalziel, the head of the spy organization in this series, was a really cool character. Dark, mysterious, brilliant, loyal. I was super excited for this final installment of the series. Finally, Laurens has a character she can really sink her writing chops into. Develop a cool story line with intrigue and danger. Create an amazing heroine who can match Dalziel with her intensity and cleverness. Did Laurens do these things?? Noooooooooooo!

Here are the reasons this book is in dire wall banger territory....

First of all, I realize that Laurens is recycling the same story and the same alpha male characters over and over again, but this time it has gone too far for me. A Fine Passion dealt with the exact same theme....father dying, coming home to take over the family estate, heroine already there running the show, etc. etc. I mean, come on!!!! With Dalziel's history, could Laurens not come up with something a little more interesting or original for a story? Jesus H. Canola. Also, right from the onset of this book, Dalziel comes off as a jerk. He wants to bed Minerva (whose name sounds like a shrivelled up ninety year old grandmother!) to "slake his terrible temper"????? What the....? He basically is a horny, self-absorbed ass. This is the incredible character who has saved countless lives, sacrificed so much for his men and country? I am so not buying this.

Also, reading Laurens' sex scenes is like chewing on a hunk of cardboard. Tasteless and boring. I just skip over them, frankly. They are all exactly the same, nothing original or sexy whatsoever. If the sex scenes in a romance novel are not sexy, this is basically the kiss o' death for the book. There is absolutely no spark, no chemistry here at all. It's pathetic. Dalziel is supposed to be so masterful, brooding, dark....should be easy to project these qualities into a sex scene, but it is not happening.

The worst disappointment is the story line. And it had so much potential. Laurens could have developed a dark and dangerous plot for this amazing character, but instead she plucked one of the most boring plots known to mankind. His dad died and he has to take over the dukedom. Some days he checks out bridges that need to be repaired. Some days, cottages that need to be repaired. Oh My God! This is the master spy leader!!!!!! And Minerva is no better. A competent chatelaine??? Great, wake me when it's over.....

And the unknown traitor!!! We have been waiting to discover his identity for so long....and he turns out to be a cuckoo cousin of Dalziel who is completely psychotic and babbling. What a bunch of horse shite. There is no way that this babbling buffoon would have been brilliant enough to avoid discovery during the war. And the worse part? Does Dalziel get to save the day? Nooooo.....Minvera, chatelaine extraordinaire, whips a knife out (which she just happens to have strapped to her thigh during her wedding day!!!!) and takes him out while Dalziel stands there. Crimeny. I am close to freaking speechless, and as you know, that is a rare occurrence in Penelope land.

I am most flabbergasted that many people think this book is good. I seriously cannot fathom it. I am usually pretty forgiving with my reviews and grades (grade inflation is alive and well at Penelope's!), but this one is too disappointing for me. Stephanie Laurens had the potential for something very cool here, and she totally blew it. Since my worst grade is a C, that's what it's getting. I will no longer shell out the big bucks for her hardcovers, and I'm hoping that her new series (The Black Cobra Quartet) will pump a little bit of life back into her books. But I'm not holding my breath. I am keeping Stephanie on my favorite author list since I still adore her older books, both the Cynster series and the original Bastion Club series. Oh please, please Stephanie....I hope you recapture the old magic again! Sigh.

Grade: C

A Very Sad Penelope

Review of Temptation and Surrender by Stephanie Laurens

Temptation and Surrender by Stephanie Laurens

Yes, I splurged and bought the hardcover copy of the latest Stephanie Laurens book.  This is #16 of the beloved Cynster series by this author.  I have been a fan for some time, and of course read the entire series in chronological order (as well as the Bastion Club series).  Laurens is the epitome of traditional historical romance...beautiful heroines, alpha male heroes, fascinating tidbits of the Regency era, and a mystery thrown in for good measure. Laurens is also known for her high sensuality rating...love scenes have been known to go on and on and on...oh my! (Is it getting hot in here?)  Although this is not the very best of her Cynster series, I found this story very sweet and satisfying.  Jonas Tallent and Emily Beauregard make an engaging couple in traditional Laurens fashion...he is protective, she is hiding a secret, he seduces her, she surprises him with her passionate virginal response.  I really enjoyed the suspense portion of this story.  Emily is trying to solve the mystery of an old poem supposedly describing the hiding place of their family fortune. If you are a Laurens fan, then this book is a like a nice hot cup of jasmine tea...comforting, pleasant, but not really full of too much excitement.  After finishing Temptation and Surrender, I realized that what makes Laurens' books really pop is very strong hero/heroine combinations....like Devil and Honoria, Richard and Catriona, Gyles and Francesca, and my personal favorites Gabriel and Althea from A Secret Love.  If the hero/heroine combo is not vivid enough, the story is enjoyable, but not necessarily memorable. Laurens fans will enjoy this latest installment of the series, but if you are new to this author I suggest starting with Devil's Bride, especially if you prefer apple-tinis over a hot cup of tea. Grade: B

P.S. The most exciting part of this book is the excerpt for Mastered by Love, the final Bastion club book, which is Dalziel's story.  Ya-hoo!!!! I cannot wait. The book is slated to be released on July 28, 2009.  Dalziel is my kind of hero...dark, brooding, mysterious, dangerous...one hot tamale! 

With the Utmost Graciousness, Penelope

Review for Where the Heart Leads by Stephanie Laurens

Where the Heart Leads by Stephanie Laurens

No one can write a love scene like Stephanie Laurens.  I once read a review that criticized Laurens' long-winded love scenes, but I say....bring it on! Her prose is eloquent, her historical settings are fascinating, and yes, her love scenes are long.  But they are also beautifully and romantically written, with just the right amount of melodrama that we romance lovers have grown to expect and appreciate.  Starting with the wonderful Devil's Bride, Laurens has enthralled her fans with the Cynster series since 1998. Although she seemed to have lost her way a bit (the premise for Gerrard Debbington's book The Truth About Love was preposterous...but I digress!), she appears to be back on track with Where the Heart Leads, the story of Barnaby Adair and Penelope Ashford (and yes, I have a fondness for heroines with the name Penelope). I also have a penchant for heroines who wear glasses, or in this case "spectacles." Laurens has successfully woven her lovers' story, an intriguing mystery, and as always the fascinating backdrop of Regency London, into a well-crafted and sensual book. Laurens' fans will not be disappointed.  Grade: A

Sincerely, Penelope