Orgie Porgie Puddin' and Pie

Do you hear that?

It's the sound...the sound...the sound of silence!

YEE HAW!

For the first time in 6 days, the kids and the hubby are back to school and work and I finally have a moment of peace and quiet to myself.

*Penny slurps coffee and enjoys peace and quiet*

Here are some updates!

1.) Every once in a while, Julia Rachel Barrett will make a comment about her "menage" book and giggle. That's right. She's actually incapable of discussing this book without laughing. I kept hearing about the "menage" book, and I incorrectly concluded it was a "menage a trois" which, for those of you not familiar with the French language, is a "threesome." So, I decided to read this giggly threesome, One Four All. The heroine is Lira, a totally kick-ass royal from another planet. And her "good buddies" (French for "good buddies") are Cer, Redda, and Kepp. Wait a minute. Cer, Redda and Kepp. That's three good buddies. Let's do the math...

3 good buddies + 1 heroine = 4! 

OH MY GOD! This isn't a menage a trois! This is a foursome! Julia wrote an orgy book! (The title One Four All should have been a dead give-away, but I guess I'm a bit dense.)

I tormented Julia for several days with the fact that she did indeed write an orgy book. However, I wasn't giggling while I read it. I was sweating! This book is hot! It is also extremely well-written, has a cool sci fi storyline, a very believable 4-some going on--dealing with feelings of possessiveness, lust and love--and a satisfying ending. It's one of the best written multi-partner (a.k.a., orgy) books I've read. Nevertheless, I shall continue to torment Julia. Coz it's fun!

2.) Just in case you like quirky, outside-of-the-box stuff (like moi), Carolyn Crane, one of my all-time favorite authors, has some new books out. Mr. Real is a mish-mash paranormal/spy book/romance. And her alter-ego Annika Martin has #2 of the Bank Robbers series out...it's The Wrong Turn. Not to be confused with the movie Wrong Turn, which is super gory and disgusting, and yes I've watched it about 20 times. So sue me.

3.) I'm thrilled the Goodreads group Kindle Smut has chosen LUMBERJACK IN LOVE for one of its November book selections. Hopefully they'll be in the mood for a beardy love-fest! Feedback about my latest release ranges from good ("great book!" "short and sweet" "pure fun read") to meh ("meh" "corny" "didn't like the cover"). As always, I appreciate the wide array of feedback, good and bad. C'est la vie (French for "the reader is always right").

4.) I am getting ready for another conference this weekend. So far my preparation has included polishing my nails with Big Money Sally Hansen nail polish.

5.) The photo above is our jack-o-lantern. My adorable hubby did this custom doxie pumpkin for us. So cool!

6.) As many of you know, this month is NaNoWriMo. Since I am resuming work on my children's book, LUCY THE WONDER WEENIE, my month will henceforth be known as WeeWeeMoMo (French for "livre de teckels").

7.) After discovering some interesting things in my search engine history (*cough, cough*), I decided it was time to have THE TALK with my daughter who is nine years old. So, I got the American Girl book The Care and Keeping of You. We chatted for about 10 minutes. I think I used the word "egg" "embryo" and "uterus" although I'm not exactly sure because I seem to have blocked out the entire experience. All I remember is my daughter rolling her eyes and saying "I know that, Mom!" with complete exasperation. (Just in case you were wondering, "les oiseaux et les abeilles" is "the birds and the bees" in French).

So, those are the updates for the week! I hope everyone had a festive Halloween.

All my best,

Penelope

What Do You Do When You're Stuck On A Plane And The Nora Roberts Book You're Reading Is Missing 20 Pages.....

....you keep reading.

Yep, that's right. I was stuck in an airplane with a book I purchased at the airport gift shop---Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts--when I realized that 20 pages, right in the middle of the book, during a crucial and climatic scene in the story, were missing.

What I wanted to do......whip the book down the aisle and curse like a sailor.

What I did instead.....grumble under my breath and finish the damn thing. It took 13 god-damned hours to get to Hawaii, and I didn't have much of a choice.

Anyhoo.....here are some super-quickie updates from my reading extravaganza on the plane and before and after vacation. Enjoy!


1. Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts

This is a friends-to-lovers book, with WAY too much information about how to run your own wedding business. If you're interested in learning how to run your own wedding business, then this is the book for you. If not, you can skim over the enormous amount of detail about flowers, brides, dresses, and irritating family members, and enjoy a romance hidden in there somewhere. The chemistry between the gang of girlfriends was great, the romance between the H/h wasn't quite as hot. Grade: B-

2. A Rogue By Any Other Name by Sarah MacLean

I bought this book to include in my "Penelope Project"....the heroine's name is Penelope, of course. I had never read a Sarah MacLean book before, and I was, quite simply, blown out of the choppy Hawaiian waters by this book. Yowzah! I LOVED LOVED LOVED it. It was very reminiscent of the Derek Craven-Sara Fielding relationship in Lisa Kleypas' book Dreaming of You, which is one of my all-time fav romance novels. MacLean's book is wonderful....well written, a great story, fabulous characters, and utterly, beautifully romantic. Sigh, swoon, swoon, sigh. Count me on the Sarah MacLean Bandwagon. LOVED! Grade: A+

3. Devil's Luck by Carolyn Crane

This is a short story that is part of the Disillusionist series. I continue to be awe-struck by Crane's talent. I love how her mind works....she has a truly unique way of looking at the world around her, and that comes through in her characters, the way she builds a story, and her wonderful and quirky voice. Hot damn, this was a great novella, and I sure hope she writes the epilogue she's considering. Do it, CC! Grade: A

4. Innocent Secretary...Accidentally Pregnant by Carol Marinelli

I was in the mood for a Harly, so I gave this one a go. They just don't make innocent virgin secretaries like they used to. Secretary manages to have a night of earth-shattering sex after a lifetime of celibacy, hero manages to be a dickwad until practically the last page of the book, and a baby manages to appear in spite of responsible birth control measures. Harly Power! Grade: B

5. Forbidden Falls by Robyn Carr

Another emotional story by Carr. Loved the H and h in this one, although the hero is a little bit too good to be true, but their love story is super satisfying. I was jonesing for some more sex scenes, and I think the villain sort of fizzled out at the end. Otherwise, nice story. Grade: B+

6. Nauti Nights by Lora Leigh

Since Wild Card is one my favorite guilty pleasures, I decided to try another LL book. I actually DNFed this one, but then decided to finish it because I was bored! Ha! Well, it had some major problems...a totally asinine premise and a HUGE misunderstanding that drove me bonkers and took too long to get resolved. There is a lot of sex, but it took a while to get to the emotional connection. It finally got better by the end, but I still liked Wild Card better. And I laughed out loud when the hero of this book used the "sweetest candy" line...."You taste like the sweetest candy, baby." Oh yeah! That is totally tat material, baby! Grade: B-


I also read a couple of short stories by Dana Stabenow on the plane, and a re-read of my fav Amanda Quick, With This Ring. And watched some awful movies, drank a lot of ginger ale, and wished that time travel had already been invented.

Hope everyone has a great week!
Penny

The Martini Club Welcomes Carolyn Crane, I Mean Annika Martin, I Mean...Oh Never Mind!

I am so excited this wonderful Sunday morning! One of my fav writers is here with us....Carolyn Crane, aka Annika Martin, aka former cocktail waitress, aka Mexican food-lover, aka cat owner. (I get everything but the cat business). Anyhoo, if you're not already confused (I sort of am!), Carolyn has a hilarious handy-dandy drink chart to discuss. Take it away, Car-ika!

******

Hey!  Happy Martini Club to everybody!

I was so pleased Penny invited me to post on Martini club. I think about drinking a lot. As a former cocktail waitress, I have complex ideas of what people drink, and what characters drink.

Back in my cocktail waitress days, I got really good at guessing what people would order before they ordered it.

Here’s a bit of what I remember from my system of how I would guess what people would order by how they looked:

If they looked like a frat boy -  Corona

Downtown pink collar - house white, Chablis,

Upscale female or bohemian wannabe - red wine

Grunge guys (this was the 90’s) - Leinenkugel beer, no glass. Never a glass!

Refined or mature rocker - Guinness or screwdriver

Rugged - scotch and water

Badass - whiskey up

Upscale badass - scotch up

Cultured urbane male - old scotch like McCallan up

Elegant singles night on the town - martini

Woo-hoo party, preppy, or people who seem like they might be into sailing - Gin & tonic

Hipster - Jagermeister shots, possibly with Leine bottle

Semi- hipster - Kamikaze shots, beer back

Arty mature - white russian, or coffee & kahlua

Suburban sporty - Miller or Miller Lite, with a glass

Laid back, stoner, or dredlocks - Tequila sunrise

Underage or novice - whiskey sour with a cherry

Novice woo-hoo party - obscure name (bellybutton on the beach, etc)

Blue Kamikaze Shots

As you see, it was a cynical system that really reduced people to a type, a box. It even dehumanized them a little bit. There are mean ones I didn’t include on there.

It only occurred to me later that what people drink is more than a pigeonhole you can put them into or a way to name and limit them.

The drinks people choose is more mysterious: one part taste, one part where they’ve been, one part who they are, and one part where they want to go, even aspirational. And you can’t see all that from just a drink and how a person dresses. In other words, drink choices are tied up in a person’s character arc.

People’s dreams and desires, and where they’ve been and where they are headed is a lot more interesting and human. And it’s just more accurate. So that’s how I look at drinks now, a bit of taste preference and a bit of character arc.

I think about that with my characters a lot, that their drinks are that—part where they’ve been and part who they want to be. In the Disillusionists, Packard drinks Ouzo, a drink from a sunny place far away. Ouzo is about freedom for him. In The Hostage Bargain (by my smutty-writing alter ego Annika Martin) my bank robbers drink scotch. They’re badass, but have been thrust into a position where they are forced to be more badass then they are. They are aspirational-badass.

Scotch

Of course, I was done waiting tables before the explosion of fancy martinis. I don’t know what to think about the Scorpion! Or the Blue Cottontail!! Maybe you guys can enlighten me.

My favorite drink: champagne or, cranberry champagne cocktail

Cranberry Champagne Cocktail

Cranberry champagne cocktail

One part Cranberry juice

two parts sparkling wine

ice

What does it mean to my former cynical cocktail waitress self? What would the Cranberry Champagne cocktail drinker pigeonhole me as? Probably something pathetic. Oh well! 

*******

Cripes! I wonder what Carolyn would have thought of me at the bar? I drink mango martinis....

1. Mango: Tropical, easy-going, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants sort of gal

2. Rum: Party girl!

3. Splash of cranberry: Shout-out to my New England habitat, reference to cranberry bogs

Overall assessment: Quirky Suburban Housefrau Who Still Wears A Tiara At 45

(Carolyn probably would have been thinking....Geez! I hope that weird lady gives me a good tip!)

Super huge thanks to Carolyn for this fun piece today. Also, just in case you're in the mood for an incredibly great UF series, check out her Disillusionist Trilogy, and just in case you're in the mood for a hot, sexy, suspenseful story about a sheep farmer abducted by bank robbers, check out The Hostage Bargain.  

Happy Sloshy Sunday, All Yinz Guys!

Penelope

Walking, Talking and Gawking

I'm gawking......

.....at Carolyn Crane's new website design. Carolyn, who is hilarious, quirky and an incredibly talented writer, has been slaving away on her new website for weeks. And....it kicks big-time arse! I am totally inspired to work on my website now. I love her new font for the header, the lay-out, the super fun graphics, the whole enchilada (that's an inside joke since she loves Mexican food). Check out her website and gawk away.

I'm talking......

.....about Linda Howard's Kill and Tell with Julia Barrett. Julia loves Linda Howard, and I have only read one book by her--Open Season--which I absolutely loved. So next on the reading list is Kill and Tell, which I am assured has one of the sexiest scenes ever. Hubba hubba hubba....


I'm walking.......

.......which just may be the secret to living a long, healthy life. Big thanks to my friend Sandra who sent me this link. I might look like a big dork when I do my walks every day....picture Adrian from the first Rocky movie--BEFORE her make-over. Remember when she had on the knit cap, buttoned-up coat and glasses? That's me. (See photo below).

I might look like a dork, but those walks are the best thing going! Check out this cool vid.......

Walking to the Rocky soundtrack,

Penelope

Review of Wild and Steamy: An Anthology

Review for Wild and Steamy by Meljean Brook, Jill Myles, and Carolyn Crane

Let's review my criteria for writing a kick-ass novella. I actually love shorter stories. If they are done well. Which is difficult. You can't squeeze in a lot of stuff with 15,000 words. A novella should be an amuse-bouche. Just a taste....satisfying in one, single bite. A quick introduction to the author's voice, a quick snippet of a love affair, a brief and intriguing look into a paranormal world.

Making one bite good and satisfying is extremely difficult.

Some folks are left wanting more, and feel gypped.

Some folks are left saying...."What? That's it? I don't get it."

Some folks get a perfect single bite, an explosion of tastes and textures, and say...."Holy macarena! That author is the master of the universe!"

In addition to this, an anthology should have some sort of cohesive theme holding it together. For example, a Christmas anthology is all holiday-themed. A Bearotica anthology is all about hairy, gay guys. Stuff like that. Just throwing together a bunch of short stories willy-nilly does not make an anthology.

Now, onto Wild and Steamy.....

1.) I read the whole book and thought...."These stories do NOT go together. Why were they in an anthology together?" Then, I went to Amazon to read the book description...."Three all-new novellas of the supernatural and steampunk kind...." Hmmm. Interesting. But it makes no sense. Brook's story was steampunk, Myles story was an erotica, and Crane's story was UF. There was no cohesion in this anthology at all. They were a mismatch.

The title: Wild and Steamy? What the hell is that all about? Brook's story was not wild or steamy. Myles' was extremely steamy, but not wild. And Crane's book was neither. A misnomer if I've ever seen one.

2.) The Blushing Bounder by Meljean Brook

Absolutely freakin' fantastic. Everything a novella should be. A taste of her quirky steampunk world. Fabulous characterization in a short amount of time. Suspense, intrigue. This is text-book perfect how to write a novella. Even got an awesome HEA at the end.

Let's face some facts here. You just don't have time to lay down all the world-building details of a paranormal setting in a novella. Can't do it. Not enough time. Brook didn't even try. She just threw us into the world and let us sink or swim. I have read The Iron Duke, so I knew what I was getting into. I do think a brand new reader would find this story intriguing enough to continue with the series.

I LOVE Constable Newberry. What a great character! What an adorable love story. This is an epic win!

Grade: A

3.) Vixen by Jill Myles

I have read a couple of other stories by Myles, and I really liked them. I was NOT expecting anything like this from her. In fact, her book Island Heat would be perfect for a Wild and Steamy collection. It was certainly wild and steamy in a great way. Loved that one.

Unfortunately, this was not fabulous. It was basically a vehicle for a lot of sex. Menage sex. The fact that the characters were shifters did not add anything to the story. Except as a way to explain why they were so horny, and as a lukewarm storyline. The Blushing Bounder was a hard act to follow, and this was not the right way to do it.

Grade: C+

4.) Kitten-tiger and the Monk by Carolyn Crane

I am a huge Carolyn Crane fan. I adored Mind Games....thought it was one of the most unique, well-written, intriguing books I've read in the last 5 years. This story is part of her Disillusionist UF world.

What I didn't like: Way too much backstory. It felt like 90% of this novella was backstory...Sophia thinking about her family and her time with Monk, and Monk thinking about his childhood and his relationship with Sophia. If you are writing a full-length book, it's okay to have a certain amount of backstory to get the readers up to speed. But not too much. It's an info dump, it slows down the pacing, and it doesn't grab the reader's attention. In a novella, it's a huge no-no. There is not enough time to bog down the novella with that much backstory.

What I loved: Crane's UF vision is absolutely superb. It is twisted and terrifying and fascinating in a sick way. Once she got out of the backstory and into the present tense, the story picked up, although I wish Sophia and Monk had been able to spend more time in the Tangle. What an amazing setting! The resolution of their relationship was very satisfying, and surprisingly sweet for this dark UF world. I really liked it. There is just a bit of sex in this one....I would not call it Wild and Steamy.

Grade: B

My overall impression of this anthology? Worth the read. A great introduction to Brook's world, a nice introduction to Crane's UF series, and not the best taste of Myles' writing....I would recommend Island Heat over this one. This anthology was not really Wild and Steamy, but it's still worth an exploration.

Penelope

Review of Mind Games by Carolyn Crane

Mind Games by Carolyn Crane

Whoa, Nelly.

This book is the perfect package. It's totally original, quirky, unexpected, has fascinating characters, an incredible story line, crazy-ass tension (sexual and otherwise), excellent pacing, is super sexy, and finally....a fabulous ending. The fact that it was written by a debut author blows me right out of the water. Carolyn Crane, who also writes a witty romance blog, The Thrillionth Page, has just set a new standard for first time authors.

What's so great about this book? The originality of the story concept, the mastery of first person POV, and the writing....Holy Mother, the writing....it is smooth as butt-ah. The quirky POV of Justine paints a fascinating portrait of her environment, her delusions about her health, her conflicted nature. She is the perfect anti-hero/heroine, struggling with her own selfish desires and her need to do the right thing. She is as real as any heroine can get.

The unexpected premise for this story, which involves Justine's obsessive hypochondria and a totally cool paranormal super secret vigilante group, is completely engrossing. The group's leader, Packard, sort of reminds me of Karen Marie Moning's character Barron from the Fever series. He is mysterious, sexy, powerful, and we're not quite sure if he's a good guy or a bad guy.

The pacing and suspense of this story are amazing. Each "client" Justine has to work on is fraught with uncertainty. Is the person harmless, kooky, or a raging psychopath? We're never quite sure. The last book I read like this was Skin Game by Ava Gray. You keep thinking, there is no way this is going to end well, but I really, really want it to. Without giving anything away, I will say that Crane does a superb job with the ending. It is emotionally satisfying and makes the reader starved for book #2, Double Cross, which is coming out September 2010.

The "love triangle" between Justine, Packard, and Otto is just utterly delicious, and I can't wait for this to be further explored in the rest of the trilogy. I also love how Crane takes a character, such as Foley, who is skank personified, transforms him into a contrite and upstanding citizen, defuses the hatred of his enemies, and leaves us hanging with the uncomfortable feeling...okay, what now? We don't quite trust what's happening. These characters are the antithesis of your typical, easy-to-digest romance characters. They're complex, confusing, and the jury's still out as to their true natures.

There is no question that Mind Games will be on my Favorites List for 2010. It's just chock full of goodness. In fact, I was sort of pissed off when I finished it. I wanted it to keep going on forever, which is, of course, the ultimate compliment for any author. Bravo to Ms. Crane for this kick-ass debut. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is going to sky rocket in the next ten years as one of the most talented new writers of the genre.

Cool.

Grade: A+

Penelope