Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Zombies V Nun: Chapter Two

Zombies V Nun: Chapter Two

Potato Mashers Aren't Just For Mashing Potatoes Anymore

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Pearl was shocked to see Caleb in her room. The Cook never ventured far from the kitchen. But since it appeared that some extraordinary events were occurring, she supposed that this lack of propriety was all right.

“Caleb, zombies aren’t real. They only happen on television shows, and movies, and comic books.” Pearl cleared her throat. “Not that I, personally, have seen any of these disturbing forms of entertainment. But that’s what I hear.”

Caleb opened his mouth to say something, but was rudely interrupted by Sister Euphonia. She flung open the door and lunged for him.

Pearl knew that Sister Euphonia took great pride in her appearance. Her coif was always starched to perfection, resembling a giant sailboat. Her wimple was never creased or stained. And her rosary always sparkled after a good polishing on Monday mornings.

Today, however, Sister Euphonia was looking less than dignified. Her coif was smashed on one side, her wimple was covered with blood, and it looked like someone’s finger was dangling from her rosary. Sister Euphonia was also one of the strongest members of the soprano section in choir, but today she was making hideous gurgling noises and growls. It was really too much to take in!

Just as the wayward nun attempted to bite Caleb’s tattooed arm, he raised the knife in the air and sliced off Sister Euphonia’s head, crumpled coif and all.

“Oh my goodness! Was that really necessary?” Pearl watched the head bobble around her floor and finally stop in front of the desk. “Caleb! What are you thinking!”

Caleb rolled his eyes. “I’m thinking I want to live, Pearl. It’s us vs. them. Get it? There’s no hope for them now. We need to do what’s necessary to survive.”

He pulled a potato masher from one pocket and a whisk from another. “Here. I know these aren’t the best weapons, but I was in a hurry as I ran out of the kitchen. I just grabbed the first things I could. Sister Henrietta was trying to eat my leg.”

Pearl glanced down at Caleb’s leg and noticed some smudges on his pants.

“Oh my. What is that?”

Caleb shrugged. “Sister H’s brains. Let’s go!”

The Cook grabbed Pearl by the arm and pushed her to the door.

“We’re heading to the vintner’s cottage on the north side. It’s surrounded by water. If we can disable the wooden bridge, it will keep us safe for a while.”

“How is that possible?”

“These fuckers can’t swim. I pushed one into the duck pond and it sank like a stone. It’s our ace in the hole. It’s our salvation. It’s our only hope. It’s….”

Pearl raised a hand. “I get it, Caleb. Let’s go!”

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For Chapter One, go here.
Chapter Three is coming tomorrow.... Pearl Gets A Mini-Skirt

Have a nice day!
Penny

9 comments:

Tom Stronach said...

Oh my!

Does Caleb have a beard?

WILL he have his wicked way with Sister Pearl, once they reach the safety of the Island?

Will Pearl need to mash Caleb's particulars.

Oh, chapter three where art thou.....

Natasha Gdansk said...

Penny, I think that you should have a regular zombie blog, too. I am digging this!

Penelope said...

Tom, your mind is in the gutter. Pearl's not that kind of girl. ;^)

Also, I think I forgot to give Caleb a beard. Oops! I'll just imagine that part.

Penelope said...

Hi Natasha! I guarantee if we enter a Zombie Apocalypse, I'll do a regular blog. Or at least the continuing saga of Pearl.

Julia Barrett said...

Oooh, I can't wait until Pearl gets a mini-skirt! I'm with Tom!

Sullivan McPig said...

How can you forget to give someone a beard!?

Penelope said...

Julia....Nuns don't worry about fashion during the Zombie Apocalypse. ;^)

Penelope said...

Sullivan McPig....I know. That seems impossible. It's because I was picturing LL Cool J from Deep Blue Sea...he didn't have a beard. But he was bald. And very muscular. That's good!

caseywyatt.com said...

I will never look at my potato masher the same way again!