Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Penelope Reads A Ballsy Little Sex Farce

She had me at "well-endowed unicorn."

You all know I have a problem. With wacky book blurbs. It's like a sick, sad addiction, which costs me money and time and occasionally makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a sharp stick. But sometimes, it also makes me think "Hell, this is one ballsy little sex farce."

Let me backtrack....

Once upon a time, I started reading a book blurb, and it said "Honey encounters the hunkalicious Hieney twins, Peter and Dick....." Right off the bat, I'm already hooked. Hieney twins? Peter? And DICK? And the heroine's name is HONEY. I'm screwed. But I'm thinking....NOOOOOO, don't do it...don't do it....

Then I read this... "....meet a sexy well-endowed unicorn." Uh oh. A unicorn. Didn't I swear that I would never never never again buy a book with a unicorn? I did. So, I didn't buy the book.

But I kept thinking about the unicorn. Would Honey actually have sex with a unicorn? Was it a shape-shifter? How would that work exactly?

And then I knew I was lost. It was all the unicorn's fault! So I bought the $2 book, Honeysuckle by Anny Cook. It's actually the second installment of her Flowers of Camelot Series.

Right from the get-go, Cook sets the stage for a totally insane sex farce. This is King Arthur's legend on another planet (really....another planet called Avalon) and the city is called Came-A-Lot (groan!) and all of the characters are insane nymphomaniacs, and there are dragons and unicorns and Robin Hood and flogging and nipple rings and butt plugs and magical islands and.....

Okay. So, it's weird. But the thing is that I have a lot of respect for someone who attempts something this wack. And this is wack. With a capital W. As in Well-Hung Unicorn.

It takes a lot of balls to write something this tongue-in-cheek. And there were a lot of tongues, including long skinny split-fork dragon tongues. And lots of cheeks (butt cheeks). And....

I liked it! So I bought Chrysanthemum (Flowers of Camelot #1) and I liked that one, too.

These books were relatively well-written, packed with double entendres, all kinds of hilarious King Arthur references, pretty steamy sexy time, and even some sweet moments. The plot was all over the place, and often made no sense. But really, who's looking for sense when a giant dragon has kidnapped King Arthur and discovers his mate bathing in a stream, and her name is "Stinky." Well, certainly not me.

The only thing that bothered me was a plethora of inane details, which is one of my pet peeves. Too many details about their plans, what they were eating (a lot of sandwiches) and even copious mentions of potty breaks. I don't care about the characters peeing. At all.

But in spite of all that, the stories were quite entertaining and off-the-charts. And since I appreciate weird stuff, I have a lot of respect for someone attempting a book this ballsy. And frankly, I can't believe that EC published it. This is WAY outside-of-the-box.

Grade: B for the first two installments of the Flowers of Camelot Series by Anny Cook...Chrysanthemum and Honeysuckle.

For anyone looking for a totally nutso interpretation of King Arthur with a bunch of nymphomaniacs, plenty of tongue-in-cheek humor, and a kooky storyline, look no further.

Trying to get back on the "normal" bandwagon,