Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Open Call: Penny's Octogenarian Street Team

Open Call for Penny Watson' Octogenarian Street Team.....


*Must be at least 80 years old.
*Must be a firm supporter of The Phantom Menace and the ramifications pertaining to that statement.
*Must approve of facial hair.
*Must believe in Santa Claus, or at the very least, be a fan of the movie Elf.
*The ability to read, with or without bifocals, would be extremely helpful.

Alternate member requirements:
*All dachshunds are conferred honorary membership. No AKC papers are necessary.

Your duties (which can be found on the 42 page contract titled "Penny's Street Team: To The Death"):

*If anyone makes disparaging remarks about The Phantom Menace, fisticuffs are encouraged.
*Upon hearing the expression "Merry Christmas," the appropriate response is "Have you read Penny Watson's adorable holiday series, The Klaus Brothers?" Providing Amazon links pre-printed on holiday cards is required.
*Leaving holiday decorations (including exterior and interior lights, tinsel, trees, Santa collections, holiday dishware, creepy Nutcrackers, and humiliating doggie sweaters for your pets) up all year long is required.
*Playing Celine Dion's holiday musical CD is required daily. (We don't accept medical exemptions from your doctor either. Nice try).
*In a very subtle and round-about way, please leave Penny's books at the library, church, lady's auxiliary club, garden centers, hairdressers, Friendly's®, grocery store, and senior center. If the half-naked dude on the front cover seems off-putting, you may cover his abs with a Santa Claus sticker. Stickers will be provided to all members of the Penny Watson Octogenarian Street Team.

Your rewards:

*You'll probably get into Heaven.
*Great presents from Santa at Christmas time.
*Less likely that Penny will embarrass you in a blog post.
*Coupons from Etsy

So, what are you waiting for? To The Death, People!

ETA: Lucy and I are at Coffee with a Canine today. Lucy will be fielding questions all day....please stop by and heckle the diva! :^)