Falling Off The Face Of The Earth

I can't believe I'll be in Santa Fe in one week! Ack! The kids are still not done with school. Isn't that ridiculous? Thanks to snow days tacked onto the end-of-the-year schedule, we are still going until Wednesday. It makes me sad. We really only have two months of summer vacation!

And I plan to make the most of it.

We are starting with a trip to Santa Fe, then visits to Newport and Vermont. Natty is doing her first sleep-away camp to the mountains of western Mass this summer. And Cristian is doing a fabulous community service camp to New Orleans for two weeks. (And then driver's ed camp. Gulp.)

I will try to check in when I can. But I think I'll be falling off the face of the earth for a while. Which is not such a bad thing. I've been massively spring-cleaning this past month, and I think it's time to "spring-clean" my career. Although I honestly don't know what that means. But maybe I'll figure it out by the end of the summer.

Then I can write that back-to-school essay "What I Learned Over Summer Vacation"...

We'll see. :^)



I hope all of you have a wonderful summer. If anyone needs to get in touch with me for emergency purposes (finding hot beardy guys on the Internet, etc), email me!

Happy Summer!
Penelope

Happy Weekend!

Natty's best bud is having a birthday party today, and I got to play with flowers. I made her two table arrangements, using flowers from the store and lots from my garden. Fun!

I am in the midst of having a Canadian Mountie reading extravaganza. I'm plowing through the whole Canadian Mounties series by Kate Bridges, and I just finished #4, The Proposition, which I LOVED! These stories are packed with sweet moments, sexy times, and a lot of romance. Yippee!

Hope everyone is having a swell weekend,
Penelope

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

This is one of my favorite photos of Carl and Natalie. Carl is fully decked out with his fly-fishing gear. And Natty is right there with him, wearing a sequiny skirt from Justice For All.

Typical!

Hope everyone has a great day.

Love,
Penelope

Coming Soon: "Adult-Like" Trends In Fiction

First we had...

YA = Young Adult


Now we have...

NA = New Adult


Coming Soon!

These just keep getting younger and younger and younger----

PTA = Pre-Tweenie Adult (8-12)

DLAA = Dresses Like An Adult (elementary school age)

ALAA = Acts Like An Adult (toddlers)

BFA = Baby-Faced Adult (newborn)

SCPA = Single Cell Pre-Adult (aka, embryonic stage)

and finally...

PTMAA = Potential To Make An Adult (sperm/egg)



And, in the other direction----

PMLCA = Pre-Midlife Crisis Adult (30s)

EGDA = Everyone's Getting Divorced Adult (40s)

IPWISA = I Pee When I Sneeze Adult (50s)

IHWOMWA = I Have Wrinkles On My Wrinkles Adult (60s)

NOWTRAYA = No One Wants To Read About You Adult (70+)

DA = Dead Adult



And some extras...


SIA = Super Immature Adult

HA = Horny Adult

BA = Billionaire Adult

PTBATBRASOVA = Pretending To Be A Teen But Really A Sparkly Old Vampiric Adult (aka, The Twilight Effect)

AA = A-hole Adult

MRAA = Motorcycle-Riding A-hole Adult

AYDWAWTRAA = Angsty Young Dingalings Who Adults Want To Read About-Adult


Ah, the joys of youth.

Feeling old,
Penelope

Swedish Meatballs For The Win!

Some mini reviews...Ready! Set! Go!


1. Temporary Position by Scarlett Parish

This was my first read by Scarlett (aptly named for Scarlett O'Hara). We met on Twitter, and now she sends me emails with headings like "you festering cock-knocker"(what does that even mean?). This quickie was well-written, has that awesome British flair I love, and was smoky-sexy hot. It's a menage, and one of the men is Swedish. He spends half the story whispering naughty things (that are not translated) in Swedish. It totally works. You have no idea what he's saying (just as the heroine doesn't), but you know it's something naughty. Great way to build up the sexual tension in the story. Loved that!

Grade: A

#SWEDISHMEATBALLSFORTHEWIN

2. Skin In The Game by Jackie Barbosa

I don't like football, I don't love contemporary romance, but somehow this story worked for me. The heroine is a super smart-sports analysis gal, which is a very cool combination--I love smart and sporty together. The hero is a football star with an injury, who returns to his hometown to coach the high school team. This was a very engaging story. Barbosa did a great job developing a believable romance between these two characters, incorporated just the right amount of football (not too much, not too little), and gave the reader a satisfying HEA. I heartily enjoyed this one.

Grade: B+

#FOOTBALLISSEXY

3. Don't Bite The Bridesmaid by Tiffany Allee

Just finished this last night. It was my kind of vampire story...nice and light, not too heavy with the politics, and lots of sexy chemistry between the old cranky vampire hero and the young whipper-snapper human heroine. Fun read!

Grade: B+

#VAMPIRESHAVEBALLSTOO

4. The Sheikh's Last Gamble by Trish Morey

Typical, but charming Harly with a-hole billionaire and spurned lover with the secret baby. I found this quite entertaining. There are a few little twists and turns you don't see with most of these books. One of the better quality sheikh books I've read (I can't believe I just typed that sentence).

Grade: B

#HARLYBALLS

5. The Warlord by Elizabeth Elliott

An oldie, but I didn't find it to be a goodie. I DNFed it at the half-way mark. Read like a trying-too-hard-to-be-Julie Garwood knock-off.

Grade: DNF

#COPYCATBALLS



That's it, folks! Hope you all have a great week. I am thrilled that my cough is slowly getting better, my poison ivy has dried up, and I passed the kidney stone. So, things are looking up!

All my best,
Penelope

Friday Medical Update

Patient: Penny Watson

Lungs: Bronchitis, severe cough. Sounds suspiciously like a seal barking. Or a walrus mating.

Back: Shingles. Symptoms include feeling like sharp ragged chunks of glass are stabbing her back. Patient intermittently cries out "Ow!" OH MY GOD!" and "Help me!" (Doctor's note: amusing).

Head: Large crusty patch of poison ivy on back of scalp. Extremely disgusting and off-putting.

Brain: Mentally incapacitated by numerous asinine physical ailments.

Mental State: Not "playing with a full deck" if you get my meaning.

Diagnosis: 85-year old woman trapped in a 46-year old woman's body.

Treatment: Vodka, watching horror movies on the syfy channel, and snuggling with weenie dog.

Concern: I'm worried body parts may start falling off, signalling the commencement of the zombie apocalypse.



Here's hoping that everyone has a healthy weekend! (Ow! OH MY GOD! Help me!)
Penelope

Things I Learned From Penny

According to the 19 thank-you notes I received from Natalie's 4th grade classmates (following a presentation I did about LUCY THE WONDER WEENIE) these are the Things I Learned From Penny...

1. "it can take awhile to get the pictures to mach the story" [SIC]

2. "I learned there are two ways to write a book, pantsing and plotting."

3. "every single word has to count"

4. THANK YOU FOR THE CHAPSTICK!

5."if you self publish you do all the work yourself"

6. "My mom wrote a book and she got it published by a company" (this one is the equivalent of "my mom is better than your mom")

7. "I love the saying 'puke out the story'--I think that's really funny."

8. "The lip balm smells so good!"

9. "editing a few words can make the story better"

10. "I really liked how you used Natalie as your advisor"

11. "I think I will publish a duck book."

12. "I learned when you write picture books it can take a long time because you might have to erase things."

13. "I like how Lucy has a licking problem."

14. "If Lucy could talk she would say thank you because you got her famous."

15. "I like how you take Lucy to the groomers and people go crazy."

I was extremely impressed with Natalie's class. The kids were smart, inquisitive, and enthusiastic. Fun!

Hope everyone has a lemony licky day,
Penelope

Welcome To The Hierarchy

Many years ago, I attended my first writer's meeting. I was chipper and excited and raring to go, a typical newb. I knew nothing about the industry. I was still working on my first book, and trying to get the hang of POV and conflict.

It didn't take long for me to figure out a very key component of the writing industry.

The Hierarchy.

It wasn't just a group of like-minded women (and a few men) sitting in a room, supporting each other, offering advice.

It was a room divided.

The published vs. the unpublished.

The agented authors vs. unagented.

The romance writers vs. the erotica writers.

The print authors vs. the digital authors.

It never occurred to me, as a newb, to assign value to these things. Was a digital book less "valuable" than a print book? Did an erotica writer have less value than someone writing romance?

But I could see that these things were extremely important to many of the authors in this group. To the organizations we belonged to.

Perhaps because I started as a reader--a voracious, obsessive, 5-book-a-day reader--my viewpoint was totally different.

As a reader, I cared about one thing.

Do I like the book?

I didn't care if the author had an agent. I didn't care if the book was cross-genre. I didn't care if the writer was a man or a woman, self-published, made the NYT best-seller list, won an award.

Do I like the book?

I didn't care if it was a debut novel or the author's 27th book. I didn't care if the author had a website, or a Twitter account, or was fat or thin, or bitchy or nice.

Do I like the book?

Readers don't give a shit about the hierarchy. They don't give two shits about the hierarchy. Only the industry cares about the hierarchy.

Do I like the book?

The authors, and agents, and editors, and publishers, and publicity departments, and booksellers, and writing organizations, can carve us all up and assign us our niche and decide who has value and who does not.

But the readers--the ones who buy the god-damned books, the ones who belong to a book club, and recommend their latest fun read to the check-out girl at the grocery store, the ones who are the reason why we all write in the first place--don't care about the hierarchy.

Do I like the book?

That's all they care about.


Liking the book,
Penelope

Appreciation for the Unexpected

✯✯✯ It's Friday!Yippppeeeeee! ✯✯✯

What's been happening this week?

1. I'm having a mid-life crisis, which I think can be fixed by the purchase of an icy-blue convertible mini Cooper. (see photo above) I'm picturing myself tooling around town in this car, with mirrored sunglasses and a weenie dog sitting next to me in the passenger seat. I WILL BE SO COOL!

2. Must figure out strategy to convince my husband to purchase me an icy-blue mini Cooper.

3. Must plan new wardrobe which will nicely complement my new icy-blue mini Cooper.

4. I gave a presentation to Natty's 4th grade class about LUCY THE WONDER WEENIE! It was so much fun. The kids were adorable, and their two favorite things were our discussion of the "puke it out" technique for writing first drafts, and the LICKING LUCY LEMON LIP BALM by Be Greatful! When I left the class, all 22 of them were madly applying the lip balm! Hee hee.

5. I must clean out the garage so I have a spot to park my new icy-blue mini Cooper (hoping that I am able to complete #2 successfully).

6. I read a ton of books. Here are some quickie reviews for the ones that were unexpected in some way. Which I always love and appreciate!

Summer At Mustang Ridge by Jesse Hayworth

What I was expecting... a sweet love story set at a ranch. What I wasn't expecting...an intensely powerful portrayal of a mother's love and devotion for her daughter. Shelby's daughter is suffering from selective mutism, and the mom decides that a summer out west is just the thing to bring her daugher out of her silent shell. The scenes where Lizzie is interacting with the horses, and working up her courage to participate on the ranch, were so moving and emotional. I cried three times reading this...really cried. I also enjoyed the romance portion of the story, and the western setting is very authentic in Hayworth's talented hands. But the part of this book that packs an emotional wallop is the daughter's journey. I wasn't expecting that in a western romance, but I got it anyway. :^)

This has a superb HEA.

Grade: B+

Release date: June 4th, Signet

Road Rage by Jessi Gage

This was really unexpected! Why? Because the premise for the story (hero causes an accident that severely injures the heroine) is both the source of conflict and the source of healing. Excellent! Because the paranormal part I've never seen before...not really a ghost, but sort of a ghost? Because the hero and heroine pop off the page. They are fully formed with real emotional issues. I especially love how Gage made the hero a real, flawed, and yet likable character. He does a despicable act, but the reader still roots for him. That's a toughie for an author to accomplish. Slow beginning, but picks up the pace and has a storyline with a lot of suspense--you are dying to find out how this whole thing will resolve! Wonderful happy ending, too. Well done.

Grade: B

Release date: June 3rd, Lyrical Press

Greek Doctor, Cinderella Bride by Amy Andrews

I have NEVER read a romance where an octopus attack is the source of conflict. That was unexpected! I saw this Harly recommended on an Amazon board about physically scarred heroines. This is definitely one of the better Harlies I've read. The heroine had a career as a successful super model until she was horribly scarred by an octopus attack, and then she chooses to devote her life to medical research (guess what about? hee hee). Anyhow, I really liked the relationship between the introverted heroine and the sexy Greek doctor. Fun read!

Grade: B

Troll-y Yours by Sheri Fredricks

Finally, the book I got as a joke. A BBW (big beautiful woman, aka curvy girl book) with a troll as the heroine, and a centaur as the hero!

HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, guess what? This book was great! I'm not kidding. It was well-written, had very cool world-building details, and I loved the relationship between the alpha warrior centaur and the quirky troll. It even had some interesting commentary on ethnic discrimination. How about that? I'm looking forward to reading more books in this series. An unexpected winner!

Grade: B

(Bonus: the centaur has a goatee! Yipppeeeeee!!!!!!)



OK, everyone, that's it for now. I am off to purchase some bumper stickers for my mid-life crisis car. I'm optimistic about convincing hubby we BOTH need this car. *wink*

All my best,
Penelope

A Gentle Reminder: The Path To Success

Sometimes we forget.

Sometimes we forget that not everyone wants a McMansion on a hill, driveway packed with sports cars, elegant parties underway.

Some folks want a shack in the mountains, no electricity, no connection to the real world.

Everyone has different goals, different ideas of success, different forms of inspiration and motivation.

The same is true with writing.

For some, success is defined by a rank at Amazon. Best-seller lists. Awards. How much money earned per year, per book, per contract.

For some, it's a fan letter. Just one letter. Telling the author how her book made the reader laugh, cry, feel.

For some, it's finishing. Just finishing. Because that is a huge accomplishment for many people, and something to be proud of.

For some, it's trying a new genre, a new voice, a new structure. Reinvention. Experimentation. Breaking the rules. Breaking your own rules. Feeling free.

For some, it's simply putting words on paper. Watching a story unfold. It's not about publishing, or money, or the industry. It's about the writing.

For some, that is victory.

I think there is room for everyone's path in this writing universe. We all have our own personal route to success. We do not need to be judged by the same parameters.

It's difficult not to compare yourself with others. My tip today to all writers: embrace your own personal goals, feel pride in your accomplishments, your path is the right one for you.

And that's the way it should be.


Happy Storytelling To All,
Penelope

Happy Memorial Day

✯Happy Memorial Day✯

All my best,

Penelope

Beard of the Day

Fun facts about Paul Walker....

1. He majored in marine biology.

2. He started his show biz career in a Pampers commercial.

3. He loves surfing.


He does the scruff proud.


Happy Beardy Friday,
Penelope

Missing The Boat (Or Spaceship, As The Case May Be)

What makes a great science fiction story? 

Creativity of world-building details.

The underlying story should have memorable characters and timeless themes, but it's the world-building that scifi fans are looking for. We want fantastical new planets to explore, with shocking cultures and inhabitants. We want unique alien creatures. We want fabulous new technology: weapons, spaceships, and more.

If you're going to make a film using one of the most iconic scifi spaceships of all time...The Enterprise, then by God, you better deliver on the scifi portion of the movie.

Perhaps my expectations were too high. After falling in love with the 2009 Star Trek movie, I had very high hopes for Star Trek Into The Darkness. Same amazing cast of characters. And I love the whole concept of going back to the very beginning of space exploration. It is a superb premise for a fresh new twist on the Star Trek series.

Nevertheless, Star Trek Into The Darkness was, in my humble opinion, a big boring, predictable snooze-fest. And worst of all, the "scifi" portion in Star Trek was sorely missing. If you're going to make a movie about a spaceship which explores new frontiers, then for Christ's sake, let it do some god-damned exploring. What made Star Trek scifi? Alien lifeforms, strange new planets and cultures, new and exciting technology. This Star Trek movie had about 50% of the scenes...on EARTH!

The opening sequence was by far the best part of the film. Why? Because we are on an alien planet...gorgeous cinematography, fascinating alien culture, some typical Captain Kirk/Spock interactions. After that, too many of the scenes took place in the boardroom, on Earth, and on the Enterprise itself. The zip and pop and excitement of the first film were missing.

There was one big tease: a discussion of the Klingons. Finally! We're finally gonna get some cool, bad-ass aliens!

And they were FANTASTIC! For all of 60 seconds. And then it was over. The alien planet looked like an outdoor industrial plant. Not too impressive. And then we're back on the Enterprise.

Come back, Klingons! COME BACK!

This turned into a regular old action film, with a lot of guys running around hallways with guns. But every scene was predictable. There was no tension at all in the film.

At the end of the movie when Kirk and Spock have their super emo scene, touching hands through the glass barrier...

I laughed.

Out loud.

In the theater.

(For the record, I went to a 10:20 AM matinee, so it was just me and two other dudes).

Ugh.

I'm not even going to get into the fact that the initial "conflict" made no sense...Kirk getting in trouble for failing to follow the "prime directive" while Spock did the exact same thing...because it's not worth it.

I watched Galaxy Quest recently, the hilarious parody of Star Trek starring Tim Allen, and I found that film more entertaining than this.

Ugh.

I'm hoping Star Trek 3 will be an improvement.

Hopefully they will finally get off the DAMNED EARTH AND DO SOME SPACE EXPLORATION.

Peeved and Pissy,
Penelope

Happy Weekend!

Happy Weekend!

I am feeling slightly better and hoping this weekend will not be a complete wash. We have soccer clinic, soccer game, and the big Spring Fling at Natty's school on Sunday. 

Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

All my best,

Penelope

Sick As A Dog

Please stand by! Penelope will not be doing anymore posts until she gets better. 

I feel like I've been run over by a truck, flung off a bridge, my head smacked with a hammer, and tossed around by a couple of dinosaurs playing catch.

But other than that, I'm OK.

GROAN!

Hopefully I will be better and back soon. I have some reviews to write for a couple of great books!

Take care,
Penelope

Voice: Can You Hear Me?

About five years ago, I attended a workshop about "voice." It was maybe 3 or 4 hours long. We did a whole bunch of exercises. What was our favorite color? Music? Setting? Ice-cream? Movie? At the end of the workshop, I realized the author was trying to get us to figure out our own personalities. Her point was that our personality is our voice.

I asked a question. I've read authors who wrote romantic comedy, which was light-hearted and funny, and romantic suspense, which was dark. Same voice? She said yes, no matter what an author writes her voice is always the same.

I totally disagree.

I think an author can "adopt" a voice for a book. A funny, light voice for comedy is perfect. And something denser, darker for suspense makes sense.

I think that we have many voices. Because we have lightness inside of us, as well as darkness. And a truly talented writer can tap into many different things to create a novel.

Can you teach a writer to have a "voice"? That is a very good question. You can teach someone the craft of writing, but voice is more difficult to navigate. I think that a lot of newbie writers are concerned with craft, and don't think about voice. Which is fine. Hopefully, your voice shines through your writing. Hopefully, it's instinctive. But over time, I think it can develop and become more distinct.

The books with the most "pop" are ones where the author's voice really sings. The same exact story, written by two different authors, will be totally different because of voice.

This past week I've read a bunch of books, manuscripts, and even a Facebook post that was so exploding with voice it inspired a new book. Bobbi Ruggiero has a phenomenal WIP she is working on, with a tried and true storyline. Why does it work? Because her voice is fresh, new, charming and filled with energy. Her voice is quite literally, her own voice. I can hear her saying the lines. Her humor shines through, her passion shines through. This is what every writer aspires to with her own "voice."

Finally, the Facebook post. My friend Stephanie Estes Saccoccio wrote a Facebook status that was 87 words long. It was exploding with voice. In eighty seven words, she wrote a story, with perfect pacing, comedic timing, and the promise for more. I bugged her about using those 87 words as the opening paragraph for a contemporary romance, and finally she said...Um, I think I might try that! She has a natural modern, funny voice that is perfect for con rom. And her storytelling ability is off the charts. I think she could take any story idea and make it sing, because of her strong, comedic voice.

Do any of you have a favorite author with a distinctive voice? Have you read any books recently that fell flat because of a lack of voice? What do you think?

Penny

Happy Mumsie Day!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Love,

Penelope

❀

Critiquing For Dummies

I just spent the last 48+ hours beta-reading and editing WIPs for two different critique partners. My critiques are not for the faint-of-heart. I am brutal. Luckily, my friends are used to my comments and suggestions...

* Your heroine sure does a lot of deep breathing. I think maybe she has asthma.
* The word "anus" isn't sexy. Just sayin.
* This makes no sense. At all. What the hell are you talking about?
* Who gives a rat's ass what color the pilot's eyes are?
* Did they just boink? I can't tell.
* Why are they fishing? Who cares about fishing. I don't care about fishing.
* How long is this frickin' sex scene anyway?
* I don't think any human being can eat that much food. They would be vomiting by now.
* Omit this whole paragraph. Redundant.
* Omit this whole page. Redundant.
* Omit this whole chapter. Redundant.
* Um, you need to rewrite the whole book.

The amazing part is....we're still friends! Haaaaaaaa!!!!! I also say nice things, too.

* OMG! I am swooning! SWOONING!
* I'm crying. OMG!
* That scene is PURE F*CKIN' GOLD, BABY!
* Your agent is going to poop her pants when she reads that. POOP!
* BEST KISS EVER! *Penny faints*
* Smooth like buttah.
* Haaaaaaa! That is freaking hilarious!
* Now I'm starved. I NEED GELATO!
* Does he have a beard?
* Sex-ay.
* That is soooooooo romantic. OMG. OMG. OMG.

What's the secret to finding a good critique partner? She needs to let you know A) what you're doing well, and  B) what you need to work on. That's it. Everyone has strong points and weak points. Some folks are too sensitive to take criticism, and some folks have hides like a rhinoceros. Luckily, my critique partners are used to me, and they trust my judgment. They also ignore me whenever they want to.

The hummingbird is for Bobbi Baby who was an extremely good sport following her first major critique. She's a champ! With a super adorable book.

My goal for today is writing my own book, Sweet Adventure (aka Yeti Will Make You Deady).
Ciao!
Penny

Penny Discovers An Unexpected Gem: AIRE by Lena Goldfinch

Sometimes I think when I tell folks "I love romance" they don't really understand what I'm talking about. Romance is not sex. Romance is not marriage. For me, romance is love. True, everlasting, heroic love. It's also a moment in time, the touch of a hand, the scent of lilacs, a tiny bouquet of violets fit for a fairy queen...

Romance is about hope and courage and strength and loyalty. It's about simple acts of friendship. It's about forgiveness. It's about sacrifice. 

Can a book have a heart and soul? Not just the characters, but a story? Yes, of course it can. Anyone who has clutched Harry Potter to her chest knows that truth. There are not many storytellers who can truly tap into that gift. You have to have the soul of a poet. You have to believe in the power of love.

And if you're a romance author, you need to believe in the HEA. Happy Ever After. It's not just a trite abbreviation. It's huge. It's the difference bewteen being cynical and bitter and hopeless and believing in happiness.

Let me just start this review by saying I don't read YA. In fact, I like much more mature characters, 40s and even 50s and beyond. But there are some things that defy age. Like friendship and courage and love. Goldfinch's story AIRE weaves fantasy and characters and setting and suspense into an extraordinary tale. Her writing is beautiful, the story is engaging, the suspense builds perfectly. But it's the romance woven into the story that brings it to sparkling life. And I realized, as I read this, that sometimes the most satisfying love stories don't need graphic sex. They just need longing and trust...and finally happy endings. 

There is one thing I remember about The Language Of Souls --Goldfinch's first book that I read a long time ago. It's the kiss. The whole story leads up to one, perfect kiss. And it was filled with so much romance and love I was just amazed. This book has that same quality. I have never seen an author make a kiss so touching, and tender, and lovely, and perfectly satisfying. Like that little bouquet of violets. Sometimes our romantic moments don't need to be big or over-the-top or graphic. Small and simple and perfect are better.

After I finished this book I cried. For a long time. Goldfinch treats us to many happy endings in this story...for primary and secondary characters. I was charmed. I've never read a book that ensured ALL the characters were so well taken care of. It's my dream-come-true! Charming and adorable.

I am always on the look-out for something different and unique and special. This book surpassed all of my expectations. It is a gem that is so far my favorite read for 2013. 

Grade: A+

Blissfully, blissfully happy,

Penelope

Charmed The Pants Off Me (But Not The Heroine)

I have quite a bit of book news, in light of conference and requests. Here are my updates...

1. I read Sunset at Keyhole Canyon by Jesse Hayworth (formerly known as Prince I mean Jessica Andersen). This sweet novella is coming out May 7th. Jessica Andersen is known for her medical Harlequins and UF series, but she has recently reinvented herself as an author of "sassy western contemporaries." Me likey! As indicated by the title of this blog post, this is a sweet novella--no hot sweaty sex with a cowboy, although we could always imagine that if we have super good imaginations. *Penny imagines* This novella is an introduction to the full-length novels coming out later in the year, and I think it sets up the series nicely. I don't like too much angst and darkness in my novels, and this one is just perfect. A not-too-heavy conflict, a delicious hero who realizes he let the good girl get away and is now determined to win her back, a lovely western setting, and a heroine who finally gets her happy ending. This is a sweet and charming novella, and I'm really looking forward to digging into the ARC I have for Summer At Mustang Ridge, the full-length novel.

Grade: B+

2. More books on the TBR pile....

* Aire by Lena Goldfinch...love this author's voice! Such lush, beautiful prose...just started it.

* Skies of Steel by Zoe Archer...looks like an amazing steampunk novel! Woo hoo!

* Bonjour, Happiness! by Jamie Cat Callan...this is a non-fiction book about how French women have figured out the secret to happiness. This author looked so cute and adorable at conference that I just had to buy her book. I read this paragraph during book fair and got tears in my eyes...

"There is happiness, and we just need to look. Perhaps happiness is sitting there in our garden and is nestled between the green leaves and the fragrant tomatoes. Then again, perhaps we just need to open a few cupboards and take out some nice spices and melt a bit of butter in a pan on the stove. Then again, perhaps happiness is in the eyes of our loved ones and we only need to look, to put on some music, take their hand, and dance."

Sweet.

Penny and Jamie

* And a few more!...Spotted Overcoat by Denise Janikowski-Krewal (poetry), Geoducks Are For Lovers by Daisy Prescott (there's a hot lumberjack in this book!), Against The Dark by Carolyn Crane, Walking With Sausage Dogs by Matt Whyman. Phew! I'm gonna be busy!

3. I am beta reading a rock star book by Bobbi Ruggiero (also known as Bobbi Baby) and Victoria Morgan's next historical.

4. Finally, I am about to get back to work on my own WIP, SWEET ADVENTURE (Klaus Brothers Series #3) which includes a tabloid reporter, super hunky blond-bearded toy designer Sven Klaus, a trip to the Arctic Circle, and some Yetis.

Happy Reading!
Penelope

Success Is The Best Revenge

Whew! Happy Monday! Conference is over. It was exhausting, fun, inspiring, and filled with yummy cocktails. Before I begin my awards ceremony, I would like to add one extra award...Bestest Hubby Ever. Which goes to my sweet husband of 23 years, Dr. B. When I got home, he had these gorgeous flowers waiting for me, to celebrate my successful workshop. I lub that guy!

And now it's time for Penelope's awards....

✯Penelope's 2013 NECRWA Conference Awards✯

✯ Silken Curtain Of Perfection Award....Bobbi Baby

✯ Best Gandy On A Stick Award....Gandy

Bobbi Baby With Gandy

✯ Most Likely To Burst Into Spontaneous Flames...Stephanie Estes Saccoccio

✯ Coolest Newb With Bad-Ass Book Idea...Jennifer Hallock (Go friend her at Facebook!)

✯ Best Friend Covered With 10,000 Melted Lindt Chocolate Truffle Balls Who Never Complained....Sam Wayland

Penny and Sam With Christmas Tree and Melted Chocolate

✯ Nicest Person Award (I think she also won this last year. And I'm going to predict she wins it next year, too)....Lena Goldfinch

✯ Best Real Tattoos...Traci Olsen

✯ Best Fake Tattoos...Penny Watson (#UNICORNSFORTHEWIN)

✯ Best Alcoholic Beverage....Moscow Mule and Pink Cosmo (tie for first place)

✯ Best Conversation About Diabolical Plan To Take Over The World...Marie Force

✯ Most Elegant-Looking Harlequin Author With Adorable Haircut...Barbara Wallace

✯ Best Beard...(excellent scruffiness and salt and pepper coloration...I'm giving it an A-)...CJ Lemire

✯ Best Story About A German Exchange Student And Dirty Dancing Lessons...Victoria Morgan

✯ Moderator Most Likely To Make A Hilarious Freudian Slip During Introductions...Liberty Blake

✯ Best Bump And Grind Partner...Michelle Libby

✯ Funniest Story About A Fried Chicken Smoke Ball And The Fire Department....Frances Stockton

✯ Raunchiest Erotica Author Who Looks Like A Cute Pixie In Vintage-Inspired Outfits....Cara McKenna

✯ Best Abdominal Work-Out....Laughing So Hard My Tummy Still Hurts

✯ Most Touching Speech...Caroline Linden

✯✯✯

I will wrap this up with a quick story about my workshop presentation DEAR PENELOPE. I had a moment of panic when I realized that A) the bar opened at 5:45, and B) my talk started at 5:45. Would I have enough time to get my cocktail before my workshop? Would they have enough girly drinks? Would the bartender be a cute guy named Chuck like last year? Well, the bar opened early, and disaster was narrowly avoided.

So, I go into the workshop room and it's filling up with people. I notice there are folks lined up out the door, but I can't really see into the hallway. The next thing I know our conference co-chair tells me she is opening up the partition between my room and the next ballroom to accommodate the extra people. I'm thinking...Well, it will be pretty empty, but at least everyone will have a seat. The wall slides open and the entire next room is packed with attendees--every seat filled, and more folks standing at the back of the room.

My jaw dropped open and my friend Sam laughed.

And I thought...Well hell, I guess I should have planned a real talk. Oops!

Needless to say, the talk was a roaring good time. We discussed social media, beards, Hugh Jackman, Lousy Book Covers, Paris Hilton and negative publicity, and even bigfoot orgy erotica. I'm sure it wasn't that different from Julia Quinn's talk. (*smirk*)

Thanks to everyone who made the weekend a wonderful time!

Victoria Morgan at book fair...She also wins Attendee Most Likely To Hand Out Pens

Happy Monday!

Penelope

See You Monday!

Off to conference! Hope all of you have a great weekend. I'll be schmoozing with some of the finest romance writers in New England, giving a workshop on social media and promotion, attending some cool classes, signing at book fair, and showing off my unicorn tattoo.

If any of you are in the Burlington, MA area on Saturday, please stop by for the book fair!

Happy Reading and Writing!
Penelope

Things I Learned About Bigfoot

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In Search Of Sequins

Trying to start off the week in a light-hearted manner. Although my heart still feels heavy and conflicted. But I'm working through it!

First up. I decided to read a kooky erotica to help lighten my mood this weekend...The Sweet Shoppe: Cowboy Up.  The heroine spends most of the book shoving chocolate fudge in her mouth. I was surprised she didn't weigh 392 pounds by the end of the book and need gastric bypass. Or at the very least a visit to the dentist. Every time she ate the fudge she had sex hallucinations.

That's right. I said fudge brought on sex hallucinations.

Well, by the end of the book she was addicted to fudge, the hero started eating the fudge, and eventually their sex hallucinations turned into real sex. I think.

The moral of the story? It's an erotica. There isn't a moral. But there sure was a lot of melted chocolate.

✵✵✵

Next up...Conference preparation! I am going to a romance writer's conference at the end of the week. Here is my to-do list:


1. Search for sequins.

2. Put together fun give-away basket.

3. Purchase sparkly unicorn tattoos and test them with my 10-year old daughter.

4. Assemble martini-making kit.


After I wrote this list, I had the feeling something was missing.

Oh yeah!

5. Prep talk for Friday night: Dear Penelope. I'm giving a workshop. Hee hee! The subtitle for this workshop is...What Would Stephen King Do? It should be fabulous and I hope to see some of you there.

✵✵✵

Finally, my reading list for the week:

1. Inspirational YA

2. Sweet contemporary cowboy story

3. Bigfoot orgy erotica


I know. I know. One of these things just doesn't belong. I blame Kitty Thomas for this. Somehow I got into a conversation on Twitter with her about nutty books, and the next thing I know she convinced me to read CUM FOR BIGFOOT. I ordered Cum For Bigfoot 2 because the blurb appealed to me, although Kitty is very concerned that I'm not reading them in order and that could affect my appreciation for this fine collection of bigfoot orgy erotica.

I was actually more concerned this poor girl was going to get a horrible case of poison ivy than about her interaction with the "horny, ape-like creatures" in the woods. But we shall see! I will let you all know how it goes.

I wonder if Bigfoot likes chocolate fudge?


*As a footnote, my good friend Bobbi Baby (Baby is not actually her surname, but I use it anyway) absolutely adores Kitty Thomas and her books. In fact, Bobbi often tortures me by relating the entire synopsis for her novels, knowing full well I can't handle anything dark and disturbing. In fact, after reading just the book blurb for Comfort Food, I signed up for a year's worth of psychotherapy appointments.

*unicorns* *rainbows* *unicorns* *rainbows*

However, if you like dark and edgy, I have heard great things about Comfort Food.

All right, folks! It's Monday! Here we go!

Penelope

Boston Strong

I have too many conflicting thoughts and emotions right now to adequately address the horror, the shock, the heroism, the catastrophic events of this week in Boston.

I have pride in my city. I am in awe of the courage and heroism of so many people--ordinary citizens, law enforcement officers, doctors, neighbors, runners. Extraordinary events unfolded this week. And I don't think we will ever be the same.

But I will say this. And I believe this with all my heart. There are evil people in this world who cause unspeakable horror. But there are many more people with courage, with integrity, filled with goodness and kindness and love.

And that gives me hope.

I would like to thank all of my friends and colleagues and on-line pals who checked in with me to make sure my family was safe, to let me know that they were thinking of me and praying with all of Boston. It made a world of difference, and reinforced my belief that there is much more goodness in this world than evil.

Boston Strong!

Penelope

New England Romance Readers! Mark Your Calendar: April 27!

Something exciting is coming up on Saturday April 27! At the Burlington Marriott! In Burlington, Mass! From 3:30-5:30!

What's happening, Penelope?

There is going to be a big bunch of romance authors hanging out, signing books, chatting, and some of them will probably be wearing tiaras or sparkly unicorn tattoos. Or both!

Penny's tiara

Who will be there, Penelope?

Well, thanks for asking! Look at this amazing crew of writers...

❀❀❀

Julia Quinn Caroline Linden Hannah Howell
 Loretta Chase  Marie Force

   Tiffany Reisz   Sarah MacLean  

Cara McKenna Donna Alward Cathryn Parry 

Barbara Wallace Terri Brisbin Ella Drake

Ashlyn Chase Marissa Doyle 

Lesley Matthews Karen Stivali

Anna DeStefano Corrina Lawson 

Laura Moore Lena Goldfinch

Frances Stockton Judy Phillips 

Victoria Morgan Megan Frampton 

Liberty Blake Stephanie Queen 

Christina James Samantha Wayland

Jordan Rose Sammie Grace

Megan Caldwell Miranda Neville

Lisa Carlisle Jamie Cat Callan

 Kate Locke Amy Atwell
Kady Cross Wendy Marcus Rosza Gaston
Pepper Goodrich Lisa Verge Higgins

Cara Elliott Kate Cross Colleen Connally
KJ Montgomery Teresa Noelle Roberts
and finally
Penny Watson!

This is a once-in-lifetime opportunity for New England romance readers. Buy books, get autographs, take pics with your favorite authors. It should be a roaring good time!

I will post a reminder next Friday, but I just wanted to let everyone know this week so you all could make plans, get out your sequins, and hopefully make your way to Burlington next weekend.

Hope to see many of you at the Burlington Marriott 
April 27, 3:30-5:30!! (Hm. Is that happy hour?)

Penny

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."  Willy Wonka

Music Of Mankind

"Today, rescuers were running toward the wounded on Boylston Street in acts of true heroism -- running toward the sound of the screams. In the end, the terrorists will fail because Bostonians did not turn from their fellow men -- they turned toward them. And that is the real music of mankind."

 Howard Fineman

Happy Patriots Day!

Happy Patriots Day! Here in Massachusetts we are celebrating the anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the first battles of the American Revolutionary War.

It's also Boston Marathon Day. Good luck to all of the runners!

I have now officially entered the week known as SPRING BREAK. On the list for this week...

1. Spring cleaning.
2. Buying my daughter new clothes since she no longer fits into any of her stuff.
3. Reading Jesse Hayworth's novella Sunset at Keyhole Canyon (ARC)...coming out in May!


Jess Andersen, author of Harlequin medical stories and the UF series The Nightkeepers, is starting a cool new endeavor. She is publishing "fun, sassy contemporaries" as Jesse Hayworth. Why do I like this?

1. Jess is one of the nicest, most down-to-earth authors I have ever met.
2. I love the idea of an author branching out and trying new things. Not being afraid of risk.
3. We desperately need some positive stories in romance. I've personally had enough of the "a-hole hero" and that whole trend. Cripes.

Jesse Hayworth has her novella Sunset at Keyhole Canyon coming out in May.

Summer at Mustang Ridge is coming out in June.

And finally, Winter at Mustang Ridge will be out in December.

I can't wait to read these. Giddy up, cowboy! (I wonder if any of the cowboys have a beard? I'd even be happy with some scruff).

And finally, as my friend Sam Wayland put it, Twitter broke me.

Yes, it broke me like a wild stallion.

Too many negative, horrible news stories and links. Folks being mean and judgmental. I need something perky, dammit! Perky and happy and positive...and rainbows and unicorns...

Do you like my unicorn?

So, I started a new Twitter account. Please follow if you are so inclined! It's called @PerkyHappyStuff, and I will post only happy news. Cute puppy pics. Uplifting stories. Vintage Britney Youtube videos. If you have any happy news, send it my way.


In related news, I got my sparkly unicorn temporary tattoos from Amazon. I have to hide them from my 10 year old daughter.

Hope everyone has a great week!
Penny