Patient: Penny Watson
Lungs: Bronchitis, severe cough. Sounds suspiciously like a seal barking. Or a walrus mating.
Back: Shingles. Symptoms include feeling like sharp ragged chunks of glass are stabbing her back. Patient intermittently cries out "Ow!" OH MY GOD!" and "Help me!" (Doctor's note: amusing).
Head: Large crusty patch of poison ivy on back of scalp. Extremely disgusting and off-putting.
Brain: Mentally incapacitated by numerous asinine physical ailments.
Mental State: Not "playing with a full deck" if you get my meaning.
Diagnosis: 85-year old woman trapped in a 46-year old woman's body.
Treatment: Vodka, watching horror movies on the syfy channel, and snuggling with weenie dog.
Concern: I'm worried body parts may start falling off, signalling the commencement of the zombie apocalypse.
Here's hoping that everyone has a healthy weekend! (Ow! OH MY GOD! Help me!)
Penelope
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21 comments:
Shit, and I thought I had problems with my cancer. Get those vodka martinis down your throat and feel better xxxxxx
Oh Tom! You have the best attitude. Feisty and funny. I need to keep up with you!
Off to the pharmacy to get my poison ivy medicine to slather all over my head! ;^)
Oh no! hope you feel better soon!! :)
Don't worry about the parts falling off. You won't lose them. I'll have my husband tell yours where he got a great deal on the wheelbarrow he follows me around with. Just flip the loose bits in there and tape/staple them back on as time permits. I'm told you can hardly tell.
Thanks, Pam! I am having a beer right now and that's making me feel slightly better! :^)
Geek--I need duct tape. Stat!
How did you get poison ivy on just your head?
That sounds miserable! You need a hot toddy or five.
There's nothing else for it. The only solution is amputation.
Of your head.
If body parts start falling off grab the duct tape! Hope you feel better soon. :)
HMCW--Hi! I think I got PI on my chair when I was watching Natty's soccer game, then I leaned back on the chair and got it all over the back of my head.
*scratch, scratch, scratch*
Tasha...I need five.
Scarlett--Maybe one of those alien pod people in Invasion of the Bodysnatchers can replace my old, haggard body with a brand new one! that would be good.
Thanks, Amber. We have a lot of "decorative" duct tape because Natty collects it. Hee hee!
Y'all are married to a doctor right? 1. Call a nanny type person (Nannys R Us) and 2. Have husband prescribe powerful coma-inducing meds (IE Vodka or IV Vodka). Nanny cares for kiddlies while drugs get you through worst symptoms.
Hi Steph! My hubby thinks I passed a kidney stone this week. Yipppeeeeeee!!!!
*Penny swigs vodka*
Oh dear. So sorry! Here's hoping this bout of ailments will do you for the next dozen years or so!
Thanks, Jessi. I hope so, too!
Oh my NO! Shingles? That's not right. I hope you're better soon.
I got poison ivy once. I was misearable, it lasted so long.
Hate having a lot of sickness/ailments at once. Feel better soon. You'd better lay down and read a lot in order to recover!
Thanks Juju and HMCW! I am feeling much better. Yippeeeeee!!!!!
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