Monday, April 22, 2013

In Search Of Sequins

Trying to start off the week in a light-hearted manner. Although my heart still feels heavy and conflicted. But I'm working through it!

First up. I decided to read a kooky erotica to help lighten my mood this weekend...The Sweet Shoppe: Cowboy Up.  The heroine spends most of the book shoving chocolate fudge in her mouth. I was surprised she didn't weigh 392 pounds by the end of the book and need gastric bypass. Or at the very least a visit to the dentist. Every time she ate the fudge she had sex hallucinations.

That's right. I said fudge brought on sex hallucinations.

Well, by the end of the book she was addicted to fudge, the hero started eating the fudge, and eventually their sex hallucinations turned into real sex. I think.

The moral of the story? It's an erotica. There isn't a moral. But there sure was a lot of melted chocolate.


Next up...Conference preparation! I am going to a romance writer's conference at the end of the week. Here is my to-do list:

1. Search for sequins.

2. Put together fun give-away basket.

3. Purchase sparkly unicorn tattoos and test them with my 10-year old daughter.

4. Assemble martini-making kit.

After I wrote this list, I had the feeling something was missing.

Oh yeah!

5. Prep talk for Friday night: Dear Penelope. I'm giving a workshop. Hee hee! The subtitle for this workshop is...What Would Stephen King Do? It should be fabulous and I hope to see some of you there.


Finally, my reading list for the week:

1. Inspirational YA

2. Sweet contemporary cowboy story

3. Bigfoot orgy erotica

I know. I know. One of these things just doesn't belong. I blame Kitty Thomas for this. Somehow I got into a conversation on Twitter with her about nutty books, and the next thing I know she convinced me to read CUM FOR BIGFOOT. I ordered Cum For Bigfoot 2 because the blurb appealed to me, although Kitty is very concerned that I'm not reading them in order and that could affect my appreciation for this fine collection of bigfoot orgy erotica.

I was actually more concerned this poor girl was going to get a horrible case of poison ivy than about her interaction with the "horny, ape-like creatures" in the woods. But we shall see! I will let you all know how it goes.

I wonder if Bigfoot likes chocolate fudge?

*As a footnote, my good friend Bobbi Baby (Baby is not actually her surname, but I use it anyway) absolutely adores Kitty Thomas and her books. In fact, Bobbi often tortures me by relating the entire synopsis for her novels, knowing full well I can't handle anything dark and disturbing. In fact, after reading just the book blurb for Comfort Food, I signed up for a year's worth of psychotherapy appointments.

*unicorns* *rainbows* *unicorns* *rainbows*

However, if you like dark and edgy, I have heard great things about Comfort Food.

All right, folks! It's Monday! Here we go!