Sunday, January 8, 2012

Mad Libs for Romance Reviewers and Authors

Reviewers: Are you running out of original things to say about the books you read?

Authors: Need some new insulting comments to leave after crappy reviews?


Reviewers: Write your reviews in a matter of seconds! Come up with concise and entertaining observations!

Authors: Crush those idiotic reviewers with your scathing comments!

Give it a try.....

Review of                        [BOOK TITLE] by                     [AUTHOR NAME]

I found the hero of this book to be a                         

  • hot alpha male with a 14-inch penis.
  • metrosexual pansy-ass.
  • brooding bastard.

The heroine of the story was                        

  • a gentle, loving sex goddess who volunteered in a homeless shelter.
  • a skanky ho-bag.
  • a were-unicorn.

This book was a                       

  • fantastic mix of hot, sweaty sex and love-at-first-sight.
  • deranged sex fantasy, clearly thought up by a 13 year old boy.
  • DIK, if Hugh Jackman lived on the island and liked role play.

The sex scenes made me want to                    
  • join a convent.
  • hurl.
  • get it on with my next-door neighbor. And he's not even that cute. Seriously!

Overall, I thought the book was                       

  • the greatest piece of literature since Moby Dick.
  • a piece o' shite.
  • meh.


  • 5 sparkling stars.
  • 2 pathetic bookworms.
  • 4 hearts filled with unicorns and rainbows and glitter and Cabbage Patch dolls.

Initial Authors' Comments                     

  • Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my book.
  • Bite me.
  • Do you have a high school diploma? Just checking.

In Response To Reviewer Outrage                         

  • Why don't you try writing a book? F*ckwad.
  • Do you know that I'm dying of a terminal disease? I only have 2 months to live.
  • You obviously don't get the underlying important themes of Phantom Menace and its ramifications in modern-day society.

After Rabid Blogger Fan Girl Posse Attacks                         

  • Let me guess....your favorite TV show is Jersey Shore? Am I right?
  • If this book was too hard for you to understand, maybe you should try something a little bit easier. Like the Sunday comics.
  • Does it make you feel good to disparage someone's life work? I spent YEARS on this book. What have you done lately? No, writing a shopping list for Claire's doesn't count. 

Final Wrap-Up For Reviewers                        
  • Delete blog post.
  • Get banned from Goodreads for all of eternity and beyond.

Final Wrap-Up For Authors                            
  • Delete Twitter Account.
  • Send half-hearted apology to all involved.
  • Adopt a new identity and flee to Costa Rica.
Authors: Act now, and we'll throw in a new passport and over-sized sunglasses for identity protection!



Tales of Whimsy said...

Did you write this?
So funny.
I read it twice.

PS Love the poke-poke-fun at the recent blogger/author Goodreads/Twitter war. ;) I was just reading about that this morning.

Penny Watson said...

Hi Juju! Of course I wrote this! I just figured it would save a lot of time for all the reviewers and authors getting their panties in a bunch this week. Just fill out a form and be done w/ it. Hee heee....

Steph from said...

Are we reviewers that mean. As Julia says it is rare for me to get all nasty on a book. I try like mad to find something good.

When I find a writer who I think is really good in a genre undercut by "critics" and those anxious to prove they are intellectual, I may wax poetic on him or her. Is that bad?

It ain't easy and I often find myself wondering if it is worth the cost: I get a lot of books free, but those I want so so bad I buy at least 60% of the time.

Penny Watson said...

I don't think it's a question of anyone being "mean"....It's simply a matter of lots of sensitive responses....authors are sensitive about bad reviews/criticism, reviewers are sensitive about critical comments of their reviews. Everyone needs to get a sense of humor, and a martini. In that order.


KT Grant said...

I adore you so hard. Have my babies.

Penny Watson said...

KB---let's have sextuplets! We can have our own reality TV show!

Steph from said...

I've never had a martini. DO Cosmos count? Straight vodka?

Seems it is a big deal right now. Not the cosmo, critique or review.

I gave a bad review this week, I had to or say nothing. Then I might as well close up house. Now, the writer has not said boo to me and I admire her for that.

Penny Watson said...'s OK to post whatever you want to. Folks should take every review w/ a grain of person's garbage is another man's treasure, right? It's all subjective, and that's fine. The problem is when folks make it personal. Ouch!

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Perfection. I'm so jealous! Wish I'd thought of this!
It's like a choose those choose your story stories.

Jaye said...

This shot to the top of my snicker list. Good one, Penny.

Penny Watson said...

Hi Julia....☺☺☺

Penny Watson said...

Thanks, Jaye! Since I'm an author and reviewer, I get to be beeyotchy both ways. :^)

Michelle Picard said...

This was hilarious, Penny. Makes me want to finish something just so I can fill in madlibs blanks.

Penny Watson said...

Michelle! Hey hon! Haven't seen you in a while...hope all is well. Let's get together, okay? :^)

Heidenkind said...

LMAO Maybe you should throw in some Phantom Menace-based group therapy for all involved? ;)

Penny Watson said...

Tasha....I'm thinking about doing an entire post on The Phantom Menace. Just to clear up a few things. ;^)

Donna said...

This is fabulosus and should be called PeneLibs. I love it so much it must be shared. If others read it, they may find their sense of humor again. I'm so glad yours is always available to help keep the sanity.