Monday, March 14, 2011

A Stomach Is An Organ That Digests Food: Just Sayin'

I have been reading a lot of erotica lately. Namely, Bearotica: Hot and Hairy Fiction, and more recently, Fairy Tale Lust: Erotica Fantasies for Women. I will be discussing these books at a later date. Today, I would like to discuss something that has been driving me crazy. Maybe it's because I used to be a biology teacher. Maybe it's because I'm a fan of horror movies. Whatever the reason, I need to point out a common error I have been finding in these erotica stories.

A stomach is an organ that digests food. See Diagram A....

Diagram A

A belly, or abdominal muscles, or abs look like this.....(see Diagram B)....

Diagram B (Courtesy of Marky Mark)

A "stomach" is not sexy. See Diagram C.....

Diagram C

Abs can be very sexy. See Diagrams D, E, and F.

Diagram D (Thanks, Hugh)

Diagram E (Thanks, Joe)

Diagram F (Yeah, it's the werewolf kid)

This is an unbelievably common error made in erotica, and it drives me nuts. There is nothing remotely sexy about someone licking another person's stomach (see Diagram A). No one can have a "flat stomach" is just not biologically possible. Nor is running your fingers over someone's stomach (unless you are a serial killer with a butcher knife). Here are some examples from the books I've been reading....

" fans across his broad chest and tapers down his stomach."

"...his c*ck twitched, his nice tight stomach tightening again before her eyes."

"He began to come upward, licking her stomach and then her chest."

"I run my fingers over the taut skin of his stomach, pushing slightly to feel the shape of the muscles beneath."

"I squeezed a blob of shampoo into my bushy p*bes and lathered up my stomach and chest hair too."

"Golden-brown fur ran in a line down his muscled stomach and into his leather breeches."

" my own hard c*ck jumped against my stomach....."

Etc, etc, etc.

Honestly, I don't mind reading an erotic story with tons of mindless sex, unless I get to one of these sentences, and then all I can think of is......"Ewwwww! that is just....not.....possible!"

I am hoping that by educating erotica writers world-wide, this serious literary problem will be addressed.

I am also thinking of starting a side-business called "Penelope's Writing Tips and Rules of Grammar for P*rno Writers" which will include alternate terms for "stomach" and genitalia. As well as reinforcing the whole subject/verb agreement issue. Stuff like that.

Hope everyone is having a happy start to the week,