Friday, December 3, 2010

A Day In The Life Of The Amazon Romance Boards

New Topic: Big Breasted Heroines

Jeni: Hi! I really, really love books with big breasted heroines. Any recommendations for me? Thanks!

Cin: Have you tried Susie Q's series, Big Breasted Babes In Love? It's chock full of them.

Mari: Hi Jeni! Also, Susie W's book Lusting for Cari is a good one. I think the heroine is a 32CC, not huge, but still....big enough.

JK: 32CC is not big breasted.

Adam: Hi everyone! Hope you are all having a nice day. I thought you might be interested in my new book, The History of Bosnia. I released it today on the Kindle. Please give it a try. Thanks, Adam

Tami: I just read a fun vampire/werewolf/Amish/UF/steampunk spanky erotica called Dark. All of the 14 heroines had super big breasts. It was the source of their paranormal powers. I would definitely recommend this one. Good luck, Jeni

Gigi: Adam...this is a ROMANCE board. No one gives a flying f**k about the history of Bosnia. Go find some losers in the history section.

Tina: I just read a book with a small breasted heroine, called Sally and Bobby. Bobby has a nice chest, too.

JK: Stay on topic, Tina. We are looking for BIG breasts. Sheesh. I am down-voting your post.

Tami: JK, don't be such a b*tch.

Adam: FYI, The History Of Bosnia just got a 5 star review from my mother. Here's the link. I hope you'll consider my book. I worked on it for twelve years.

Gigi: Adam, GET OUT! We hate you. Like we give a sh*t about your mother's opinion. Get a freakin' life, loser.

Kati: Jeni, do you consider 36 DDD big enough? My twin sister Betti just wrote a book called Love in the Afternoon. She's an independent author and her book is great. The heroine's breasts are quite large and bouncy.

Jeni: Thanks for all the recommendations! I am going to check them out now...

Marci: Jeni, do you like PR? UF? w/ HEA? or M/M/M/F?

Adam: What language are you speaking?

Dotti: I read a Christian inspirational recently with a large-bosomed lady, called The Loneliest Rose. She was terribly self-conscious. It was troubling.

Jami: How about Outlander?

Marci: Why is it that Outlander is recommended on every board? Huh? For God's sake people, give it a rest. Outlander is not that great.

Gigi: Outlander is the greatest book ever published. I'm down-voting your post, Marci.

Marci: Oh, great, it's the We-Love-Outlander brigade. I'm down-voting your post, Gigi. You b***h!

Jasaminda: Hi! I just read a fascinating book about the history of Bosnia. Some of the characters have big breasts. It's really, really good. You should all go out and buy it right now.

Gigi: Jesus H. Christ, Adam. How stupid do you think we are? Jasaminda? GET OUT! We hate you, we hate Bosnia, we hate history books, we hate indie authors. I am down-voting your post, Jassy, and I'm reporting your spam to Amazon.

Jojo: Hi everyone! This is a great topic. I just read a book called Forever Yours, by Susie B. The heroine, and all of her sisters, and their cousins, and neighbors, too, had large knockers. Although, the book sort of sucked. But it does fit Jeni's criteria.

Patsi: Why the obsession with large breasts? Do breasts really define a woman? Her sexuality? Her desirability? I think other attributes are more important than breast size. Like creamy skin, luminescent eyes, and silky hair with lots of low lights and high lights.

Gigi: I'm down-voting your post, Patsi.

Tami: Kick it down a notch, Gigi. Did you take your lexapro today?

Staci: Hi Jeni! I just wrote a book called Lovers in Love. The heroine has large breasts. It's a wonderful and heart-warming and sexy story. Please check it out. Thanks!

WBJ: Oh for Christ's sakes! Will you indie authors get out of here! You are not welcome. You are not following Amazon guidelines and you are an abomination against all of mankind.

Staci: Pardon me? My book perfectly fits the criteria for this thread. Bite me, WBJ.

Gigi: I'm down-voting Staci's posts.

JK: You go, girl!

Chichi: Never mind them, Staci. The Promo Police try to squash us, undermine our creative impulses, destroy our spirits, and crush our hopes of ever having anyone besides our mothers purchase our books. But we independent authors will not be broken!!!!!!

Daisy: Go, Chichi!

Meggie: That's right, sistah! Indie Authors Forever!

Gigi: Where do these skanky indie ho's from hell come from? Seriously. They are KILLING me.

Kitti: Jeni, do you like back-door action (in your books, I mean...LOL!). If so, Gerald's Lust is a good book for you. The heroine has massive boobies. Hope you like it!

Jeni: Thanks, Kitti!

Tami: Did you write that book, Kitti? Just wonderin'....

Kitti: No. I'm not a writer. I'm have a doctorate in genetics and biochemistry from Harvard. I just happen to enjoy erotica with plenty of back-door action as a past time. What's it to you?

Adam: Hi Jeni-- I just re-wrote my book, The History Of Bosnia. I included several characters with large breasts. Please consider buying my book. I am begging you.

Babi: My favorite themes are death, murder, child abduction, rape and pillaging, and triads. Does anyone have a recommendation for me?

Tami: Babi, this is not appropriate for this thread. Please try to stay on topic. You can start another thread to discuss these types of books.

Cin: Actually, someone already did. Here's the link.

Barbi: My cat died today.

Joanie: Barbi, so sorry about that! Did your cat have big breasts?

Jeni: Well, thanks to everyone for your suggestions. My TBR pile is growing and growing! I think I'll start with The History Of Bosnia.

Adam: God bless you, Jeni. Will you marry me?