Friday, June 17, 2011

Friday Shenanigans And Penny Pens Another Parody

Here are my random Friday Shenanigans.....

1.) The Celebrate New England giveaway is still going on....leave a comment after any post published on June 13 and enter to win! Yee haw!

2.) My super quickie reading updates.....

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen......meh
Just Like Heaven by Julia Quinn.....double meh
Jacob's Return by Annette Blair....LOVED it! Bawled like a baby at the end.
Heart of a Knight by Barbara Samuel....wicked step-daughter meh meh....DNF

More in-depth reviews to come later. Although I am digging the whole "meh" thing right now. 

3.) Yesterday I planted my entire freakin' garden at once. I weeded, applied compost, and planted seeds and seedlings (3 types of basil, cherry tomatoes, 3 types of pumpkins, carrots and leeks). It was hot and sunny, and I got a bit light-headed (probably from a combination of dehydration, high blood pressure meds, and working my ass off for hours). 

As I felt myself swaying, I realized that if I fell down, I had two options....1.) I would fall on a rake with the prongs sticking up, thereby re-enacting a scene from a horror movie, which seemed like a bad idea....or 2.) I would fall on a pile of chicken shit compost, which....also seemed like a bad idea. And a stinky idea. Needless to say, I forced myself to stay conscious, and went inside to get a glass of water. That freakin' garden better look great in August!

4.) I swear I tried not to do it. But after I read Gail Carriger's blog post "So You Really Want To Help The Author" I just couldn't help myself. I penned another parody. Here it is. (For the record, I am a big fan of Gail's Protectorate Series, but hell, that post was so wack, I was powerless to stop myself).

Do You Really Want To Help Penny? Just Follow These Simple Instructions...

Just in case you've been thinking about me, or worrying about me, or maybe concerned about how I'm feeling, possibly worried about my book sales or money situation, or wondering how I'm paying for my son's exorbitant adventure camp this summer, or hoping that I might publish another book soon (before 2029), or looking for ways to help me out. Just in case. Here are some ideas....

1. Get an ereader. Seriously. Quit whining about how freakin' expensive they are, and just do it. I am SO sick of people asking if my book is out in print. The answer is NO. It's a freakin' ebook. Get an ereader. Whiner. Print books are totally last year.

2. Try to get people psyched about Christmas all year long. Maybe....put up a tree in April? Send cards in July? Offer eggnog in October? There is no g-damned way I am going to have good sales for my "holiday romance novel" if folks can't get over this whole "I'm-only-gonna-buy-a-Christmas-story-in-December" attitude. Criminy.

3. Do you have any friends who are Jewish? Why not gently encourage them to convert to Christianity? How hard could it be? Jews are not interested in a book about Santa Claus. I have a sneaking suspicion that could be hurting my sales. Maybe point out that Christians don't have to plan and pay for a bar mitzvah, etc etc. Be creative.

4. If you like my book, buy 10 more copies.

I hope I haven't offended anyone, but if I have, too stinkin' bad.

Merry Freakin' Christmas,
Penelope (Who Likes Writing Parodies Way Too Much And Needs To Work On Her WIP)