Lobster Roll For The Win!

Front of Black Point Inn

Maybe it was the salty sea breeze. Or the view of the ocean. Or the hike on the Cliff Walk. Or the lobster roll.

Whatever it was, it worked like a charm. My trip to the Black Point Inn was relaxing, productive, and inspiring. I wrote a ton, got a good feel for the whole story, hung out with some of my bestest buds, and managed to consume a ridiculous amount of seafood (crab cakes, clam chowder, grilled shrimp, lobster roll, fish chowder, and salmon....and of course wine and cocktails!). I ate so much seafood I think I turned into a mermaid.

It's like looking in a mirror!

Cosmo for the win!

Flowers at Black Point Inn

Front view of the inn

Cliff Walk, Black Point Inn

Cliff Walk, Black Point Inn

Here's a sneak peek at my manuscript. Warning: This is NOT your typical romance novel. But it IS a love story. A different kind of love story. 

✯✯✯

"We're weeding all right. Bastard weeds. You ever seen stinging nettle?"

"No."

"How about jimson weed?"

"No, I get dandelions."

"Dandelions. For Christ sakes, those aren't weeds. They're food. They're edible. I'm talking about bastard mother fucking weeds. Plants that try to kill you, poison you, shoot you with chemicals. This garden isn't some pansy-ass annual border with mari-fuckin-golds. This is war. I've got weeds that try to strangle the other plants. I've got poison ivy that will send you to the ER. We're at Defcon One. Got it?"

Tom's face was so close, Bev could see every wrinkle around his eyes, every black and white whisker on his cheeks, a scar on his chin. She nodded. "Got it."

✯✯✯

Dreaming of a cottage by the sea,

Penelope

Writer's Retreat For One, Please

Well, my husband is back to work. My daughter is off to sleep-away camp. My son is long-boarding every day with his friends.

Which leaves me with a whole week to write.

Peace and quiet.

Ahhhhhhhh......................

So, hubby suggests "Why don't you head up to the Black Point Inn for a writer's retreat?" (Black Point Inn is a charming hotel in Scarborough, Maine).

And I said, "Huh. That is a crazy fabulous idea. I could relax, go on some hikes, enjoy the ocean, work on my book, and have cocktails with my girlfriends."

I dialed the hotel so fast my phone caught on fire.

Anyhoo, this is probably my Nirvana-On-Earth. The Black Point Inn is absolutely lovely and the perfect setting to write.

And best of all, it's sea level!

Hope everyone has a great week. I am off for peace, quiet, and hopefully a nicely chilled sangria.

All my best,
Penelope

Day #4: It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times (DESCEND!)

Cristian In Cavate, Bandelier

Our last full day in Santa Fe...

I was determined that my kids would get some sort of awesome cultural experience, and appreciate the geography of New Mexico. So, we headed to Bandelier National Monument. It has super cool ancient Pueblo cliff-houses, called cavates, that were carved out of the soft volcanic ash. The kids were able to climb up the ladders and peak inside. We also saw the remains of ancient common houses and other ruins.

Ruins At Bandelier

Cool Rock Formation (Volcanic Ash)

Nat In Cavate

Pink "Swiss Cheese" Rock is Compacted Volcanic Ash

The drive to Bandelier from Santa Fe is gorgeous, although my heights-fearing husband wasn't too thrilled as the bus drove on the edge of the canyon. Hee hee! (I think I saw his eyes roll back in his head a couple of times). Otherwise, this was the perfect outing for our family.

Except for one, small, wee little problem.

I couldn't breathe.

I could no longer ignore the fact that I was not acclimating to the new altitude, but instead my breathing was getting worse. I managed to climb up to the first set of cavates, but after that I had to head back to the bottom of the trail. I was wheezing and couldn't catch my breath.

My husband was extremely worried, but I kept insisting I would be okay. It was a tough climb.

The rest of our day was fabulous. We had a really fun dinner out with the kids, my husband got me a gorgeous diamond ring! (woo hoo!), and everything would have been peachy-keen if only I could breathe.

It was close to midnight, we all had our pajamas on and were getting ready for bed. My husband was on the iPad researching "high altitude sickness" and "pulmonary edema" and lots of other fun things. Our hotel had canisters of oxygen sitting on the mini-bar (I'm not kidding), so I was sucking that stuff down like it was going out of style.

Hubs jumps up from the bed and announces, "We're leaving."

(I'm in my PJs with a toothbrush hanging out my mouth). "Wah?"

"Now. We are leaving Santa Fe now."

"Now?"

"Now."

"Why?"

"There are only two ways to fix this problem. Oxygen and descent. We have to descend to a lower elevation. Your breathing is getting worse. This is not okay."

"Can't it wait until morning?"

"No. Now."

The kids shrugged and started chucking their clothes into their bags.

I felt like I was a climber in the Himalayas, forced to turn back before I had an unfortunate run-in with Yeti.

We packed in five minutes, checked out of the hotel (which was very understanding--I got the feeling this was a common problem with tourists), and took off for Albuquerque, which is about 2000 feet lower in elevation. I didn't believe my husband when he told me that would help. But by God, it did. Within one hour of driving, we arrived in Albuquerque, and I was already breathing much better.

Amazing.

The next day we went to the ER, then headed to the airport to return to Boston. SEA LEVEL OR BUST, BABY!

So, that's my sad and sorry story about summer vacation. At least we got 1/2 week in Santa Fe before my lungs crapped out. And...we did have some fun. And...I did get a diamond ring (yay!).


Needless to say, I don't think I'll be doing this anytime soon...

Sea level does have its advantages...

Breathing is fun,
Penelope

Day #3: Hummingbirds for the Win, High Altitude Sickness for the Loss

Anna's Hummingbird, Santa Fe

☼

After a rocky start to our vacation in Santa Fe, I was determined that Day #3 would be a success!

☞HIGHLIGHTS

✯The Loretto Chapel, which was right next door to our hotel. It's lovely!✯

The Loretto Chapel

The "Miraculous" Staircase at Loretto

There is a sweet story about this unique spiral staircase. Supposedly when the chapel was built in 1878, they decided that a ladder would be the only way to get to the upper story. The sisters of the chapel prayed for a solution to this problem, and a stranger showed up on a donkey and said he could help. He built this gorgeous staircase and disappeared, taking no payment for his work. The sisters believed that it was St. Joseph himself who answered their prayers. Here is a link with more information about this cool story.

Natty lit candles for all of our pet "angels"...she is such a sweetheart!

✯Amazing plants, including this blooming Santolina in front of our hotel✯

✯The Davey Audubon Center. Only one trail was still open due to the fire hazard, but we had a really nice hike with the kids✯

Blooming cactus at Davey Audubon Center

Gorgeous vista at the Audubon Center

✯Hummingbirds!✯

 They were whizzing around the trail. It was the coolest thing ever! We even had a mama bird dive-bomb us to protect her hidden nest. I am a big hummingbird-lover, so I was totally enchanted with this.

✯Shopping with Natty!✯

My daughter LOVES to shop. Let me say that again. LOVES LOVES LOVES! She is hilarious. We snuck off and left the boys in the room, and had a super fun mother-daughter shopping extravaganza, including cute hats, clothes and jewelry. Yay!

✯Sunsets!✯

Incredible Sunset!

☞LOWLIGHTS

And now for the lowlight. UGH! It never occurred to me that we would have any trouble with the elevation in Santa Fe. Of course, we are from Boston (sea level) and Santa Fe is 7000 feet above sea level. Cristian got a headache the first day, and Carl got a bit queasy. I had a cough that I'd been dealing with for months, so I didn't notice right away that anything was wrong. My cough started to get worse, and soon I was having trouble breathing. However, I decided that once I acclimated to the new elevation, I would be okay.

Oops. Maybe not.

Coming up...Day #4: DESCEND! DESCEND! DESCEND!

Day #2 Of Vacation: Where's The Beach? (aka, Those Damned Kids)

Day #2 of Vacation:

My hubby is an obsessive fly-fisherman. On our first day of vacation he got up at the crack of dawn and went fishing with a guide. The kids and I were exhausted after our hellacious misadventure in the airport, so we all slept in.

Finally, I forced the kids to wake up so we could start exploring Santa Fe! I adore this sweet, charming town. It has everything a girl could ever want...gorgeous vistas, shopping, amazing museums, art galleries.

Wait. Wait. I know what you're thinking.

That doesn't really sound like a "kiddy-friendly"vacation spot.

OK, fair enough. But I made sure there would be a pool at our hotel for the kids. And...we were going white-water rafting. And, visiting pueblos. And stuff like that.

Wrench in Best Laid Plans...

1. There was a huge drought going on, and major fire-hazard at all parks, so no rafting, and many trails closed.

2. The pool was lovely, but smallish and surrounded by 70 year olds. (My kids kept saying "Um, has anyone noticed EVERYONE AT OUR HOTEL IS AN OLD PERSON?")

3. Our last major vacation was to a crazy incredible hotel in HAWAII. We had something like 14 pools at the resort...one of them had a lagoon with kayaks in it. Needless to say, anything after that place was going to come up short. Ugh.

4. I'm an idiot.


Celebrity Death Match Between Hawaii....

Our Resort In Hawaii

and Santa Fe.....

Loretto Chapel, Santa Fe

Hawaii wins by a landslide! (Did I already say I'm an idiot?)

Anyhoo, I am still perky and optimistic! The kids will love this, I keep telling myself. We go out for breakfast and everything on the menu has chilies on it. The eggs have chilies. The pancakes have blue corn in them. My 15-year old son tries something new, God bless him! My daughter insists on plain eggs and bacon, which the restaurant kindly accommodates.

And then, this conversation...

Daughter: Where's the beach?

Me: Silence.

Daughter: I want to build a sand castle.

Son: We're in the middle of the desert, dumb-ass!

Me: Don't call your sister a dumb-ass. (To my daughter: Honey, we're in the middle of a desert).

Daughter: What do you mean? We always go to the beach for our summer vacation! Where's the beach?

Son: (snickers) Well, there is sand.

Me: Honey, why don't you Google Santa Fe and look at a map. We are not on the coast. But there are a lot of fun things to do here...

Daughter: (Googles the map) I miss Hawaii! Why didn't we go to Hawaii! That was my favorite place!

Son: Hawaii was awesome.

Me: (wondering if I could get a Bloody Mary instead of a coffee for breakfast)...We are trying something different. Seeing a new part of the country. You will love it!

After finishing breakfast, we meander around Santa Fe. We pass by the Loretto Chapel, which I adore. Peek into some shops. Look at the Central Square.

By the time we get home, we are all hot and sweaty and the kids are irked, and I am thinking about flinging their little bodies off the balcony.

I believe I may have used the expression "SUCK IT UP!" at one point while they were complaining.

Also, we just happened to be passing a construction worker as I said this, and he laughed and said "Kids. Gotta love 'em."

We get back to the hotel, and I suggest the kids go for a swim. We look at the pool (which was very sweet) and notice that the median age of swimmers appears to be 87. The kids take a pass.

It occurs to me that I may have made a critical error in judgment when I booked this vacation.

I'm screwed.


Next Up: Day #3: Hummingbirds for the Win! High Altitude Sickness for the Loss!

The Best Laid Plans

Canyon Road, Santa Fe

I'm back! Actually, I'm back early from Santa Fe. Our trip did not go according to plan (haaaaaaa!!!! surprise surprise). Here is a quick run-down of our aborted vacation week.

Travel Day #1: Wake up at 5 am to get to Boston airport. Should arrive in Santa Fe by noon-ish so we have time to hang out and enjoy our first day of vacation. Get to Denver, CO and sprint through the airport to make our connection. Notice that our flight to Santa Fe is nowhere on the departures board. Get a bit nervous. Arrive at the GREAT LAKES AIRLINES ticket counter and discover that the flight does not exist. No, it wasn't "cancelled" it was just removed from existence. Panting, sweating from exertion, my family stood at the counter and said "Um, maybe you should have told us that BEFORE TODAY." Ticket dude: Looks at us blankly and offers NOT ONE WORD OF APOLOGY OR HELP. Hubby gets angry. Smoke starts pouring out of his ears and he looks like he is about to lean across the counter and teach ticket dude a lesson.

Hubby At Ticket Counter

I calmly push hubby back and say "We paid for a ticket from your airline which no longer exists. What now?" He says "We have a flight tomorrow." Not only does counter dude not apologize for our inconvenience, he actually gets rude to us as we try to figure out alternative travel plans. Did I mention this horrible airline was...

GREAT LAKES AIRLINE...horrible, rude, awful service, incredible inconvenience. Highly NOT recommended. HIGHLY!

We realize that there is another flight to Santa Fe from United, which was RIGHT NEXT TO OUR OLD GATE--that leaves in 15 minutes. Which involves another sprint back through the airport to our old location. (You can stop laughing now). We get there and find out (surprise surprise) they do not have four available seats. But they do have another flight to Santa Fe that leaves eight hours later. An incredibly kind, wonderful and understanding customer service person from UNITED got us meal vouchers, boarding passes with seats together, and was super friendly and awesome.

So, we hung out for EIGHT hours in the Denver, CO airport, finally made a connection, drove to our hotel and arrived close to midnight.

But the story is not over yet.

Exhausted, rumpled, and irked that we lost one day of vacation, I drag myself up to the check-in counter at the hotel. I had booked a 2-bedroom suite months and months in advance.

Me: Hi! I booked a 2-BR suite.

Hotel Lady: Oh, we did renovations and that suite does not exist anymore.

Me: Haaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! (hysterical laughter) That's a good one. Here is my confirmation email I just received THIS WEEK confirming my 2-BR suite (hand hotel lady a copy of my email).

Hotel Lady: (sadly shakes her head) I'm so sorry my manager did not contact you and let you know that suite no longer exists. We did renovations and it's gone.

Me: (babbling incoherently, voice cracking, eyes tearing up)....But, but, you JUST SENT ME THAT EMAIL! THIS WEEK!

[An aside: What the hell is up with the whole NO LONGER EXISTS thing? NO LONGER EXISTS? The plane? The hotel room? Is there a rip in the time-space continuum?]

Me Talking With Hotel Lady

Hubby: Pushes me aside and says "Let me deal with this." (It's important to note that when hubby is freaking out, I am calm, and vice versa.)

Hotel Lady: Since we no longer have a 2-BR suite, you can have these 2 rooms right next door to each other. They are NOT adjoining rooms, but they're right next door.

Now. Let me just say this. Let's suppose that my kids were 3 and 5 years old. The hotel didn't know how old they were. Would that be okay? To put my kids in a SEPARATE ROOM, NOT ADJOINING, BY THEMSELVES, IN A HOTEL? The answer is no, it would not. However, my kids are 10 and 15, so at that point I really had no choice but to agree to these new accommodations.

Hubby convinces me to calm down and that everything will be okay. We go up to our hotel room and discover that the two rooms actually ARE ADJOINING. Why hotel lady did not realize this, I have no idea. I was very relieved.

After hiding the mini-bar candies from my daughter, I passed out and slept like a log.

Up next...TRAVEL DAY #2: THOSE DAMNED KIDS


Happy to be home,
Penny

Falling Off The Face Of The Earth

I can't believe I'll be in Santa Fe in one week! Ack! The kids are still not done with school. Isn't that ridiculous? Thanks to snow days tacked onto the end-of-the-year schedule, we are still going until Wednesday. It makes me sad. We really only have two months of summer vacation!

And I plan to make the most of it.

We are starting with a trip to Santa Fe, then visits to Newport and Vermont. Natty is doing her first sleep-away camp to the mountains of western Mass this summer. And Cristian is doing a fabulous community service camp to New Orleans for two weeks. (And then driver's ed camp. Gulp.)

I will try to check in when I can. But I think I'll be falling off the face of the earth for a while. Which is not such a bad thing. I've been massively spring-cleaning this past month, and I think it's time to "spring-clean" my career. Although I honestly don't know what that means. But maybe I'll figure it out by the end of the summer.

Then I can write that back-to-school essay "What I Learned Over Summer Vacation"...

We'll see. :^)



I hope all of you have a wonderful summer. If anyone needs to get in touch with me for emergency purposes (finding hot beardy guys on the Internet, etc), email me!

Happy Summer!
Penelope

Happy Weekend!

Natty's best bud is having a birthday party today, and I got to play with flowers. I made her two table arrangements, using flowers from the store and lots from my garden. Fun!

I am in the midst of having a Canadian Mountie reading extravaganza. I'm plowing through the whole Canadian Mounties series by Kate Bridges, and I just finished #4, The Proposition, which I LOVED! These stories are packed with sweet moments, sexy times, and a lot of romance. Yippee!

Hope everyone is having a swell weekend,
Penelope

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

This is one of my favorite photos of Carl and Natalie. Carl is fully decked out with his fly-fishing gear. And Natty is right there with him, wearing a sequiny skirt from Justice For All.

Typical!

Hope everyone has a great day.

Love,
Penelope

Coming Soon: "Adult-Like" Trends In Fiction

First we had...

YA = Young Adult


Now we have...

NA = New Adult


Coming Soon!

These just keep getting younger and younger and younger----

PTA = Pre-Tweenie Adult (8-12)

DLAA = Dresses Like An Adult (elementary school age)

ALAA = Acts Like An Adult (toddlers)

BFA = Baby-Faced Adult (newborn)

SCPA = Single Cell Pre-Adult (aka, embryonic stage)

and finally...

PTMAA = Potential To Make An Adult (sperm/egg)



And, in the other direction----

PMLCA = Pre-Midlife Crisis Adult (30s)

EGDA = Everyone's Getting Divorced Adult (40s)

IPWISA = I Pee When I Sneeze Adult (50s)

IHWOMWA = I Have Wrinkles On My Wrinkles Adult (60s)

NOWTRAYA = No One Wants To Read About You Adult (70+)

DA = Dead Adult



And some extras...


SIA = Super Immature Adult

HA = Horny Adult

BA = Billionaire Adult

PTBATBRASOVA = Pretending To Be A Teen But Really A Sparkly Old Vampiric Adult (aka, The Twilight Effect)

AA = A-hole Adult

MRAA = Motorcycle-Riding A-hole Adult

AYDWAWTRAA = Angsty Young Dingalings Who Adults Want To Read About-Adult


Ah, the joys of youth.

Feeling old,
Penelope

Swedish Meatballs For The Win!

Some mini reviews...Ready! Set! Go!


1. Temporary Position by Scarlett Parish

This was my first read by Scarlett (aptly named for Scarlett O'Hara). We met on Twitter, and now she sends me emails with headings like "you festering cock-knocker"(what does that even mean?). This quickie was well-written, has that awesome British flair I love, and was smoky-sexy hot. It's a menage, and one of the men is Swedish. He spends half the story whispering naughty things (that are not translated) in Swedish. It totally works. You have no idea what he's saying (just as the heroine doesn't), but you know it's something naughty. Great way to build up the sexual tension in the story. Loved that!

Grade: A

#SWEDISHMEATBALLSFORTHEWIN

2. Skin In The Game by Jackie Barbosa

I don't like football, I don't love contemporary romance, but somehow this story worked for me. The heroine is a super smart-sports analysis gal, which is a very cool combination--I love smart and sporty together. The hero is a football star with an injury, who returns to his hometown to coach the high school team. This was a very engaging story. Barbosa did a great job developing a believable romance between these two characters, incorporated just the right amount of football (not too much, not too little), and gave the reader a satisfying HEA. I heartily enjoyed this one.

Grade: B+

#FOOTBALLISSEXY

3. Don't Bite The Bridesmaid by Tiffany Allee

Just finished this last night. It was my kind of vampire story...nice and light, not too heavy with the politics, and lots of sexy chemistry between the old cranky vampire hero and the young whipper-snapper human heroine. Fun read!

Grade: B+

#VAMPIRESHAVEBALLSTOO

4. The Sheikh's Last Gamble by Trish Morey

Typical, but charming Harly with a-hole billionaire and spurned lover with the secret baby. I found this quite entertaining. There are a few little twists and turns you don't see with most of these books. One of the better quality sheikh books I've read (I can't believe I just typed that sentence).

Grade: B

#HARLYBALLS

5. The Warlord by Elizabeth Elliott

An oldie, but I didn't find it to be a goodie. I DNFed it at the half-way mark. Read like a trying-too-hard-to-be-Julie Garwood knock-off.

Grade: DNF

#COPYCATBALLS



That's it, folks! Hope you all have a great week. I am thrilled that my cough is slowly getting better, my poison ivy has dried up, and I passed the kidney stone. So, things are looking up!

All my best,
Penelope

Friday Medical Update

Patient: Penny Watson

Lungs: Bronchitis, severe cough. Sounds suspiciously like a seal barking. Or a walrus mating.

Back: Shingles. Symptoms include feeling like sharp ragged chunks of glass are stabbing her back. Patient intermittently cries out "Ow!" OH MY GOD!" and "Help me!" (Doctor's note: amusing).

Head: Large crusty patch of poison ivy on back of scalp. Extremely disgusting and off-putting.

Brain: Mentally incapacitated by numerous asinine physical ailments.

Mental State: Not "playing with a full deck" if you get my meaning.

Diagnosis: 85-year old woman trapped in a 46-year old woman's body.

Treatment: Vodka, watching horror movies on the syfy channel, and snuggling with weenie dog.

Concern: I'm worried body parts may start falling off, signalling the commencement of the zombie apocalypse.



Here's hoping that everyone has a healthy weekend! (Ow! OH MY GOD! Help me!)
Penelope

Things I Learned From Penny

According to the 19 thank-you notes I received from Natalie's 4th grade classmates (following a presentation I did about LUCY THE WONDER WEENIE) these are the Things I Learned From Penny...

1. "it can take awhile to get the pictures to mach the story" [SIC]

2. "I learned there are two ways to write a book, pantsing and plotting."

3. "every single word has to count"

4. THANK YOU FOR THE CHAPSTICK!

5."if you self publish you do all the work yourself"

6. "My mom wrote a book and she got it published by a company" (this one is the equivalent of "my mom is better than your mom")

7. "I love the saying 'puke out the story'--I think that's really funny."

8. "The lip balm smells so good!"

9. "editing a few words can make the story better"

10. "I really liked how you used Natalie as your advisor"

11. "I think I will publish a duck book."

12. "I learned when you write picture books it can take a long time because you might have to erase things."

13. "I like how Lucy has a licking problem."

14. "If Lucy could talk she would say thank you because you got her famous."

15. "I like how you take Lucy to the groomers and people go crazy."

I was extremely impressed with Natalie's class. The kids were smart, inquisitive, and enthusiastic. Fun!

Hope everyone has a lemony licky day,
Penelope

Welcome To The Hierarchy

Many years ago, I attended my first writer's meeting. I was chipper and excited and raring to go, a typical newb. I knew nothing about the industry. I was still working on my first book, and trying to get the hang of POV and conflict.

It didn't take long for me to figure out a very key component of the writing industry.

The Hierarchy.

It wasn't just a group of like-minded women (and a few men) sitting in a room, supporting each other, offering advice.

It was a room divided.

The published vs. the unpublished.

The agented authors vs. unagented.

The romance writers vs. the erotica writers.

The print authors vs. the digital authors.

It never occurred to me, as a newb, to assign value to these things. Was a digital book less "valuable" than a print book? Did an erotica writer have less value than someone writing romance?

But I could see that these things were extremely important to many of the authors in this group. To the organizations we belonged to.

Perhaps because I started as a reader--a voracious, obsessive, 5-book-a-day reader--my viewpoint was totally different.

As a reader, I cared about one thing.

Do I like the book?

I didn't care if the author had an agent. I didn't care if the book was cross-genre. I didn't care if the writer was a man or a woman, self-published, made the NYT best-seller list, won an award.

Do I like the book?

I didn't care if it was a debut novel or the author's 27th book. I didn't care if the author had a website, or a Twitter account, or was fat or thin, or bitchy or nice.

Do I like the book?

Readers don't give a shit about the hierarchy. They don't give two shits about the hierarchy. Only the industry cares about the hierarchy.

Do I like the book?

The authors, and agents, and editors, and publishers, and publicity departments, and booksellers, and writing organizations, can carve us all up and assign us our niche and decide who has value and who does not.

But the readers--the ones who buy the god-damned books, the ones who belong to a book club, and recommend their latest fun read to the check-out girl at the grocery store, the ones who are the reason why we all write in the first place--don't care about the hierarchy.

Do I like the book?

That's all they care about.


Liking the book,
Penelope

Appreciation for the Unexpected

✯✯✯ It's Friday!Yippppeeeeee! ✯✯✯

What's been happening this week?

1. I'm having a mid-life crisis, which I think can be fixed by the purchase of an icy-blue convertible mini Cooper. (see photo above) I'm picturing myself tooling around town in this car, with mirrored sunglasses and a weenie dog sitting next to me in the passenger seat. I WILL BE SO COOL!

2. Must figure out strategy to convince my husband to purchase me an icy-blue mini Cooper.

3. Must plan new wardrobe which will nicely complement my new icy-blue mini Cooper.

4. I gave a presentation to Natty's 4th grade class about LUCY THE WONDER WEENIE! It was so much fun. The kids were adorable, and their two favorite things were our discussion of the "puke it out" technique for writing first drafts, and the LICKING LUCY LEMON LIP BALM by Be Greatful! When I left the class, all 22 of them were madly applying the lip balm! Hee hee.

5. I must clean out the garage so I have a spot to park my new icy-blue mini Cooper (hoping that I am able to complete #2 successfully).

6. I read a ton of books. Here are some quickie reviews for the ones that were unexpected in some way. Which I always love and appreciate!

Summer At Mustang Ridge by Jesse Hayworth

What I was expecting... a sweet love story set at a ranch. What I wasn't expecting...an intensely powerful portrayal of a mother's love and devotion for her daughter. Shelby's daughter is suffering from selective mutism, and the mom decides that a summer out west is just the thing to bring her daugher out of her silent shell. The scenes where Lizzie is interacting with the horses, and working up her courage to participate on the ranch, were so moving and emotional. I cried three times reading this...really cried. I also enjoyed the romance portion of the story, and the western setting is very authentic in Hayworth's talented hands. But the part of this book that packs an emotional wallop is the daughter's journey. I wasn't expecting that in a western romance, but I got it anyway. :^)

This has a superb HEA.

Grade: B+

Release date: June 4th, Signet

Road Rage by Jessi Gage

This was really unexpected! Why? Because the premise for the story (hero causes an accident that severely injures the heroine) is both the source of conflict and the source of healing. Excellent! Because the paranormal part I've never seen before...not really a ghost, but sort of a ghost? Because the hero and heroine pop off the page. They are fully formed with real emotional issues. I especially love how Gage made the hero a real, flawed, and yet likable character. He does a despicable act, but the reader still roots for him. That's a toughie for an author to accomplish. Slow beginning, but picks up the pace and has a storyline with a lot of suspense--you are dying to find out how this whole thing will resolve! Wonderful happy ending, too. Well done.

Grade: B

Release date: June 3rd, Lyrical Press

Greek Doctor, Cinderella Bride by Amy Andrews

I have NEVER read a romance where an octopus attack is the source of conflict. That was unexpected! I saw this Harly recommended on an Amazon board about physically scarred heroines. This is definitely one of the better Harlies I've read. The heroine had a career as a successful super model until she was horribly scarred by an octopus attack, and then she chooses to devote her life to medical research (guess what about? hee hee). Anyhow, I really liked the relationship between the introverted heroine and the sexy Greek doctor. Fun read!

Grade: B

Troll-y Yours by Sheri Fredricks

Finally, the book I got as a joke. A BBW (big beautiful woman, aka curvy girl book) with a troll as the heroine, and a centaur as the hero!

HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, guess what? This book was great! I'm not kidding. It was well-written, had very cool world-building details, and I loved the relationship between the alpha warrior centaur and the quirky troll. It even had some interesting commentary on ethnic discrimination. How about that? I'm looking forward to reading more books in this series. An unexpected winner!

Grade: B

(Bonus: the centaur has a goatee! Yipppeeeeee!!!!!!)



OK, everyone, that's it for now. I am off to purchase some bumper stickers for my mid-life crisis car. I'm optimistic about convincing hubby we BOTH need this car. *wink*

All my best,
Penelope

A Gentle Reminder: The Path To Success

Sometimes we forget.

Sometimes we forget that not everyone wants a McMansion on a hill, driveway packed with sports cars, elegant parties underway.

Some folks want a shack in the mountains, no electricity, no connection to the real world.

Everyone has different goals, different ideas of success, different forms of inspiration and motivation.

The same is true with writing.

For some, success is defined by a rank at Amazon. Best-seller lists. Awards. How much money earned per year, per book, per contract.

For some, it's a fan letter. Just one letter. Telling the author how her book made the reader laugh, cry, feel.

For some, it's finishing. Just finishing. Because that is a huge accomplishment for many people, and something to be proud of.

For some, it's trying a new genre, a new voice, a new structure. Reinvention. Experimentation. Breaking the rules. Breaking your own rules. Feeling free.

For some, it's simply putting words on paper. Watching a story unfold. It's not about publishing, or money, or the industry. It's about the writing.

For some, that is victory.

I think there is room for everyone's path in this writing universe. We all have our own personal route to success. We do not need to be judged by the same parameters.

It's difficult not to compare yourself with others. My tip today to all writers: embrace your own personal goals, feel pride in your accomplishments, your path is the right one for you.

And that's the way it should be.


Happy Storytelling To All,
Penelope

Happy Memorial Day

✯Happy Memorial Day✯

All my best,

Penelope

Beard of the Day

Fun facts about Paul Walker....

1. He majored in marine biology.

2. He started his show biz career in a Pampers commercial.

3. He loves surfing.


He does the scruff proud.


Happy Beardy Friday,
Penelope

Missing The Boat (Or Spaceship, As The Case May Be)

What makes a great science fiction story? 

Creativity of world-building details.

The underlying story should have memorable characters and timeless themes, but it's the world-building that scifi fans are looking for. We want fantastical new planets to explore, with shocking cultures and inhabitants. We want unique alien creatures. We want fabulous new technology: weapons, spaceships, and more.

If you're going to make a film using one of the most iconic scifi spaceships of all time...The Enterprise, then by God, you better deliver on the scifi portion of the movie.

Perhaps my expectations were too high. After falling in love with the 2009 Star Trek movie, I had very high hopes for Star Trek Into The Darkness. Same amazing cast of characters. And I love the whole concept of going back to the very beginning of space exploration. It is a superb premise for a fresh new twist on the Star Trek series.

Nevertheless, Star Trek Into The Darkness was, in my humble opinion, a big boring, predictable snooze-fest. And worst of all, the "scifi" portion in Star Trek was sorely missing. If you're going to make a movie about a spaceship which explores new frontiers, then for Christ's sake, let it do some god-damned exploring. What made Star Trek scifi? Alien lifeforms, strange new planets and cultures, new and exciting technology. This Star Trek movie had about 50% of the scenes...on EARTH!

The opening sequence was by far the best part of the film. Why? Because we are on an alien planet...gorgeous cinematography, fascinating alien culture, some typical Captain Kirk/Spock interactions. After that, too many of the scenes took place in the boardroom, on Earth, and on the Enterprise itself. The zip and pop and excitement of the first film were missing.

There was one big tease: a discussion of the Klingons. Finally! We're finally gonna get some cool, bad-ass aliens!

And they were FANTASTIC! For all of 60 seconds. And then it was over. The alien planet looked like an outdoor industrial plant. Not too impressive. And then we're back on the Enterprise.

Come back, Klingons! COME BACK!

This turned into a regular old action film, with a lot of guys running around hallways with guns. But every scene was predictable. There was no tension at all in the film.

At the end of the movie when Kirk and Spock have their super emo scene, touching hands through the glass barrier...

I laughed.

Out loud.

In the theater.

(For the record, I went to a 10:20 AM matinee, so it was just me and two other dudes).

Ugh.

I'm not even going to get into the fact that the initial "conflict" made no sense...Kirk getting in trouble for failing to follow the "prime directive" while Spock did the exact same thing...because it's not worth it.

I watched Galaxy Quest recently, the hilarious parody of Star Trek starring Tim Allen, and I found that film more entertaining than this.

Ugh.

I'm hoping Star Trek 3 will be an improvement.

Hopefully they will finally get off the DAMNED EARTH AND DO SOME SPACE EXPLORATION.

Peeved and Pissy,
Penelope

Happy Weekend!

Happy Weekend!

I am feeling slightly better and hoping this weekend will not be a complete wash. We have soccer clinic, soccer game, and the big Spring Fling at Natty's school on Sunday. 

Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

All my best,

Penelope

Sick As A Dog

Please stand by! Penelope will not be doing anymore posts until she gets better. 

I feel like I've been run over by a truck, flung off a bridge, my head smacked with a hammer, and tossed around by a couple of dinosaurs playing catch.

But other than that, I'm OK.

GROAN!

Hopefully I will be better and back soon. I have some reviews to write for a couple of great books!

Take care,
Penelope

Voice: Can You Hear Me?

About five years ago, I attended a workshop about "voice." It was maybe 3 or 4 hours long. We did a whole bunch of exercises. What was our favorite color? Music? Setting? Ice-cream? Movie? At the end of the workshop, I realized the author was trying to get us to figure out our own personalities. Her point was that our personality is our voice.

I asked a question. I've read authors who wrote romantic comedy, which was light-hearted and funny, and romantic suspense, which was dark. Same voice? She said yes, no matter what an author writes her voice is always the same.

I totally disagree.

I think an author can "adopt" a voice for a book. A funny, light voice for comedy is perfect. And something denser, darker for suspense makes sense.

I think that we have many voices. Because we have lightness inside of us, as well as darkness. And a truly talented writer can tap into many different things to create a novel.

Can you teach a writer to have a "voice"? That is a very good question. You can teach someone the craft of writing, but voice is more difficult to navigate. I think that a lot of newbie writers are concerned with craft, and don't think about voice. Which is fine. Hopefully, your voice shines through your writing. Hopefully, it's instinctive. But over time, I think it can develop and become more distinct.

The books with the most "pop" are ones where the author's voice really sings. The same exact story, written by two different authors, will be totally different because of voice.

This past week I've read a bunch of books, manuscripts, and even a Facebook post that was so exploding with voice it inspired a new book. Bobbi Ruggiero has a phenomenal WIP she is working on, with a tried and true storyline. Why does it work? Because her voice is fresh, new, charming and filled with energy. Her voice is quite literally, her own voice. I can hear her saying the lines. Her humor shines through, her passion shines through. This is what every writer aspires to with her own "voice."

Finally, the Facebook post. My friend Stephanie Estes Saccoccio wrote a Facebook status that was 87 words long. It was exploding with voice. In eighty seven words, she wrote a story, with perfect pacing, comedic timing, and the promise for more. I bugged her about using those 87 words as the opening paragraph for a contemporary romance, and finally she said...Um, I think I might try that! She has a natural modern, funny voice that is perfect for con rom. And her storytelling ability is off the charts. I think she could take any story idea and make it sing, because of her strong, comedic voice.

Do any of you have a favorite author with a distinctive voice? Have you read any books recently that fell flat because of a lack of voice? What do you think?

Penny

Happy Mumsie Day!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Love,

Penelope

❀

Critiquing For Dummies

I just spent the last 48+ hours beta-reading and editing WIPs for two different critique partners. My critiques are not for the faint-of-heart. I am brutal. Luckily, my friends are used to my comments and suggestions...

* Your heroine sure does a lot of deep breathing. I think maybe she has asthma.
* The word "anus" isn't sexy. Just sayin.
* This makes no sense. At all. What the hell are you talking about?
* Who gives a rat's ass what color the pilot's eyes are?
* Did they just boink? I can't tell.
* Why are they fishing? Who cares about fishing. I don't care about fishing.
* How long is this frickin' sex scene anyway?
* I don't think any human being can eat that much food. They would be vomiting by now.
* Omit this whole paragraph. Redundant.
* Omit this whole page. Redundant.
* Omit this whole chapter. Redundant.
* Um, you need to rewrite the whole book.

The amazing part is....we're still friends! Haaaaaaaa!!!!! I also say nice things, too.

* OMG! I am swooning! SWOONING!
* I'm crying. OMG!
* That scene is PURE F*CKIN' GOLD, BABY!
* Your agent is going to poop her pants when she reads that. POOP!
* BEST KISS EVER! *Penny faints*
* Smooth like buttah.
* Haaaaaaa! That is freaking hilarious!
* Now I'm starved. I NEED GELATO!
* Does he have a beard?
* Sex-ay.
* That is soooooooo romantic. OMG. OMG. OMG.

What's the secret to finding a good critique partner? She needs to let you know A) what you're doing well, and  B) what you need to work on. That's it. Everyone has strong points and weak points. Some folks are too sensitive to take criticism, and some folks have hides like a rhinoceros. Luckily, my critique partners are used to me, and they trust my judgment. They also ignore me whenever they want to.

The hummingbird is for Bobbi Baby who was an extremely good sport following her first major critique. She's a champ! With a super adorable book.

My goal for today is writing my own book, Sweet Adventure (aka Yeti Will Make You Deady).
Ciao!
Penny

Penny Discovers An Unexpected Gem: AIRE by Lena Goldfinch

Sometimes I think when I tell folks "I love romance" they don't really understand what I'm talking about. Romance is not sex. Romance is not marriage. For me, romance is love. True, everlasting, heroic love. It's also a moment in time, the touch of a hand, the scent of lilacs, a tiny bouquet of violets fit for a fairy queen...

Romance is about hope and courage and strength and loyalty. It's about simple acts of friendship. It's about forgiveness. It's about sacrifice. 

Can a book have a heart and soul? Not just the characters, but a story? Yes, of course it can. Anyone who has clutched Harry Potter to her chest knows that truth. There are not many storytellers who can truly tap into that gift. You have to have the soul of a poet. You have to believe in the power of love.

And if you're a romance author, you need to believe in the HEA. Happy Ever After. It's not just a trite abbreviation. It's huge. It's the difference bewteen being cynical and bitter and hopeless and believing in happiness.

Let me just start this review by saying I don't read YA. In fact, I like much more mature characters, 40s and even 50s and beyond. But there are some things that defy age. Like friendship and courage and love. Goldfinch's story AIRE weaves fantasy and characters and setting and suspense into an extraordinary tale. Her writing is beautiful, the story is engaging, the suspense builds perfectly. But it's the romance woven into the story that brings it to sparkling life. And I realized, as I read this, that sometimes the most satisfying love stories don't need graphic sex. They just need longing and trust...and finally happy endings. 

There is one thing I remember about The Language Of Souls --Goldfinch's first book that I read a long time ago. It's the kiss. The whole story leads up to one, perfect kiss. And it was filled with so much romance and love I was just amazed. This book has that same quality. I have never seen an author make a kiss so touching, and tender, and lovely, and perfectly satisfying. Like that little bouquet of violets. Sometimes our romantic moments don't need to be big or over-the-top or graphic. Small and simple and perfect are better.

After I finished this book I cried. For a long time. Goldfinch treats us to many happy endings in this story...for primary and secondary characters. I was charmed. I've never read a book that ensured ALL the characters were so well taken care of. It's my dream-come-true! Charming and adorable.

I am always on the look-out for something different and unique and special. This book surpassed all of my expectations. It is a gem that is so far my favorite read for 2013. 

Grade: A+

Blissfully, blissfully happy,

Penelope