In Memory

"To live in hearts we leave behind

Is not to die."

Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground

CALL FOR WORKSHOPS!

I am very excited to be a part of the 2012 Let Your Imagination Take Flight Conference this year! All of the Quirky Ladies are part of the conference committee....we are gearing up for a great shin-dig this spring. It is taking place April 27-28 in the charming and festive city of Salem, Massachusetts. This romance writers' meeting includes wonderful speakers, workshops, a book fair, agent and editor appointments, and lots of witchy entertainment in the historical city of Salem. We are just starting to consider workshop proposals, so if you're interested in presenting at this terrific conference, please submit your proposal. Here's a link for the Conference page on our website.

Hope to see lots of you there!

Penny

Alaskan Bad-Ass, Spunky Super-Sass, and Heartbreak Pass

I know.....I'm really stretching it with that title.

Three quickie reading updates....

1. Last Days Of Summer by Steve Kluger: Once again, Steve has put together a brilliant....let me repeat that--brilliant--story. The clever construction of the narrative--letters, announcements, newspaper clippings, etc--conveys a humorous, but also emotionally wrenching tale. It combines hilarious Jewish humor, baseball, and one of the most heart-breaking storylines I've ever read. In fact, I had a problem with the ending. I realize that the HEA-rule only applies to romance novels, but I'm not sure this ending was necessary, or even optimal, for this story. In spite of that, this book was another shining example of Steve's talent, and you're meshugana if you don't read it. Grade: A-

2. A Cold Day For Murder (Kate Shugak #1) by Dana Stabenow: After inhaling Stabenow's Liam Campbell series with the utmost glee, I decided to give her Kate Shugak series a go. It still has the fascinating Alaskan flavor, but this time we get a heroine to follow instead of a hero. I enjoyed this book, but it was definitely missing the spark of the Liam series. I was trying to figure out why....I think the main reason is that we get more emotionally invested in the characters, and the relationships, in the Liam series. This book is about the mystery, which is fine. But one of the things I adored about the Liam Campbell series is that the characters had a lot of depth, and those stories were just as important as the mystery to solve. I'm not sure if I'll continue with this series or not. Grade: B

3. Wait Until Midnight by Amanda Quick: I needed something light and sexy and comforting after I finished the heart-breaking ending of Last Days Of Summer. And this book by Amanda Quick is what I chose--it's one of my favorite re-reads. It has AQ's super-sassy-style heroine, who also just happens to be a writer for a sensational newspaper; it has the beta-but-masterful hero who is proper on one hand, and fiercely attracted to said spunky heroine on the other; it has an interesting mystery/storyline, wonderful supporting characters, and love scenes that manage to be sexy, adorable and satisfying all at the same time. AQ is my hero! AQ for president! AQ, AQ, AQ! (I'm a fan). Anyhow, it's a keeper. Grade: A

Happy Weekend Everyone!
Penelope

The Most Beautiful Thing In The World

Yee haw!

Off to Starbucks,
Penelope

A Breath Of Fresh (Testosterone-Filled) Air: Review of On The Fly by Jillian Brookes-Ward

As most of you know, I am part of a romance writer's critique group called The Quirky Ladies. Submitting work to them results in fairly uniform consequences. "VM" bags my adverbs. "MP" and "DD" make comments such as "Where is the penis in this scene?" (That is an actual comment from one of my WIPS. No kidding). "TT" adds in lots of LOLs and grammatical corrections. "SW" points out when my POV changes are unclear. And all of them love to point out one of the most important observations in critique. When a male character doesn't sound....male enough. When he sounds...um...like a girl.

For example, if a male character thinks to himself....."Wow. Her eyes are so beautiful. They are as blue as an azure colored sky with flecks of cerulean."...then, this is problem. Because, let's face it. Unless a guy is a gay interior decorator, he has no freakin' clue what azure or cerulean mean. A real guy might think something like....."Wow. She has pretty eyes." But more likely, a guy would actually think "Wow. That chick has a great pair of knockers." Unfortunately, if you're writing a romance novel, the knockers comment might not be appropriate. It's not very romantic, or heroic, or sweet. But a real guy, in a real situation, could probably give less than a crap about a girl's eye color.

Now, I love me some romance. Even if it's not very realistic. But every once in a while, it's nice to get a glimpse into the real male psyche. Not through rose-colored glasses, but rather through a sticky beer stein. It's a breath of fresh air to jump into a real man's point of view. And it's especially impressive when that POV has been written by a woman.

On The Fly by Jillian Brookes-Ward is not a romance novel. It's not erotica. It actually doesn't have much of a plot. There's no big adventure, or character arc, or profound resolution at the end of the book. It's a portrait of a guy. That's it. (With a bit of a cool paranormal twist at the end.) You know those cartoons "Diagram Of A Dog's Brain?" Here's an example....

This is real basic stuff. It's not complicated. Well, if you made a diagram of Brian's brain (he's the main character in On The Fly), it would have two things.....

1. Fly-fishing
2. F*cking

That's it. And you know what? It feels totally real. Because honestly, I'll bet there are many, many guys out there who really only think about those two things.

Other things that this book has going for it? It is totally British (ETA: Oops! I mean Scottish!), which I love. It has great spots of humor. It is well-written. The pacing of the book is perfect for Brian's story. We sort of lumber along in the narrative, watching him fish, f*ck, and look like an ass, as he bumbles along. The fly-fishing stuff is way cool. And I like Brian's vulnerability. It is less than heroic, but so very authentic. A 40-something guy, forced through an emasculating divorce, living at home with his parents, his mother doing his laundry!!, and all he cares about is getting out on the water. And shagging any and all available lassies.

This story was an entertaining breath of fresh air. It's probably not for everyone. Especially folks looking for heroic acts and a complicated storyline. But if you're interested in reading a portrait of a real guy, warts, sore back, and all, then this book is for you. (And it's only 99 cents at Amazon!).

Grade: A-

Penelope

"1100 Men Went In The Water, 316 Men Come Out & The Sharks Took The Rest": A Writer's Lesson From Jaws

I often complain about the fact that AMC shows the same films over and over again. Except for when Jaws is on. I swear they have shown that movie 10 billion times, and every single time I watch it. It is, without a doubt, the greatest film I have ever seen. It's a classic that has stood the test of time...no fancy special effects, no computer enhancement. Just a great story, great acting, and great directing.

If you ever get the chance to watch the documentary The Making Of Jaws, don't miss it. It is absolutely fascinating. "The story behind the story" of the making of Jaws is unbelievable. Steven Spielberg was a brand new director....a youngster with no power in Hollywood. Nothing went according to plan for this movie. The biggest obstacle was "Bruce"--the mechanical shark. He was meant to be in the bulk of scenes for the movie, but he kept breaking down and messing up their shooting schedule. They were way behind schedule, way over budget, and Spielberg was getting unbelievable pressure from the Powers That Be. 

He had to take a step back and think outside of the box. Rewrite the screenplay while they were in Martha's Vineyard filming the damned movie. Bruce, who was supposed to the star of the show, was a big, broken-down piece o' shit. In fact, Bruce was supposed to be in the opening scene of the film--but he wasn't working at the moment. So Spielberg rewrote that scene without the shark.

How to make a shark attack scene without the freakin' shark? Would it work? Would it be successful?

That scene is one of the most dramatic, riveting and scary-ass opening sequences on film. Because of what's NOT there. We don't know what's happening to the poor girl in the water. We just know it's bad. It's evil. And it's inescapable. And Spielberg realized that.

Which brings me to the point of this post. This is a great lesson for writers (or really folks in any sort of creative field)....

Sometimes what you're leaving out of the story can be just as important as what you're putting in.

Spielberg's experience with this film is a great source of inspiration for me. When the WIP isn't working, take a big step back. Think outside of the box. Way outside of the box. Do you need a new POV for that scene? A different way of looking at things? How do you want your reader to feel? Can you elicit those feelings without an info dump, spilling all your secrets at once? How can you build tension and fear without a villain in the room?

If you are looking for something cool to do some afternoon, I highly recommend watching this documentary. The stories about the actors, Martha's Vineyard, and the scuttlebutt behind the scenes is fabulous. Here is a link for the 30th anniversary edition of the movie plus the documentary. Treat yourself!

And finally, here is a clip of the greatest single scene in all of film history: Robert Shaw's monologue about the USS Indianapolis. Another cool tidbit from the documentary--originally, Shaw got rip-roaring drunk before they filmed this scene, but it was a huge disaster. They filmed it again the next day and it was perfection. Here ya go.....

Feeling the need to watch Jaws again,
Penelope

No More Books! Penny Takes The TBR Challenge!

I am in the midst of a fairly traumatic undertaking at the moment. Cleaning out my romance novel collection in the basement. I have hundreds and hundreds of print books piled up and I finally decided to take the bulk of them to a wonderful little used book store that specializes in romance. The photo above shows the books I absolutely refuse to part with. Most of these are books that I re-read often....such as Amanda Quick, Julie Garwood, Christine Feehan, Stephanie Laurens, etc. I also have old favorites by Julia Quinn, Lisa Kleypas, Mary Balogh, JR Ward, and others. I kept my all-time favorite top 20 re-reads, which include some contemporary, some erotica, historicals, etc.

Here is the pile going to the bookstore.....good-bye, my dear friends, good-bye!

Although I avoid most reading challenges, this month I decided to go along with one that my Goodreads group is encouraging....The TBR Challenge. For the entire month of September, I am not allowed to buy any books. (Which is a seriously good idea since I am spending all of my money on Etsy....hee hee!). I can only read books from my already-own TBR pile. I have plenty on Kindle, and I also have plenty of print copies. I'm hoping to read somewhere between 5-10 books this month. Here are the top contenders from my TBR pile....

Sam Wayland Destiny Calls
Sean Kennedy Tigers And Devils
Steve Kluger Last Days Of Summer
Terry Pratchett Going Postal
Mia Marlowe Touch Of A Thief
Jenna Kernan Winter Woman

After that, we'll see. I also have a workshop to prepare, a WIP to write, and preparations for my November release. It's gonna be a busy month!

I hope I can get these books off to the bookstore without shedding some tears. ☹

Wondering how big a credit I'll get at the used bookstore,
Penelope

P.S. Here is a photo of me wearing one of my new Etsy purchases, a bookworm pendant. Hee!

Beard Of The Day And Other Updates

My Etsy addiction continues! This fabulous illustration, titled LUMBERJACK, CROW & MISTLETOE, is by Ryan Fowler. He actually has a whole subsection of his Etsy store for Lumberjacks....Win! And of course, he's from Vermont.

I love the monumental beard on this lumberjack. And I especially love the grumpy look on his face. This print is just fantastic.

On the reading update: I agreed to a "reading challenge" for the month of September....only books on my TBR pile. I'm not allowed to buy anything new. So, I'm starting out with On The Fly by Jillian Brookes-Ward. This isn't a romance novel, but it sure is entertaining. It's totally from a man's POV....all he thinks about are fly-fishing and boinking. Hee hee!

If you're interested, I put together a new Etsy Treasury called "Hopeless Romantic"....check it out!

Happy Holiday Weekend!

Penelope

Penny's Quesadillas

Here's another great recipe for summer. We make our quesadillas on the grill, or you can use your panini-press. This way....no oil! It's a healthier way to make quesadillas.



Penny's Quesadillas

Ingredients:

-scallions, chopped
-fresh cilantro, chopped
-fresh tomatoes, chopped (I use yellow and red cherry tomatoes from my garden)
-grilled chicken, chopped (toss some chicken tenders with lemon juice and olive oil & S/P, throw them on the grill for a couple of minutes, then shred them up for the quesadillas)
-avocado, sliced
-fat free sour cream
-shredded cheese of your choice
-extras if you like them.....cans of sliced jalapenos, green chilies, jar of green salsa, etc.
-tortillas (I use mini flour tortillas, sometimes whole wheat)

Put one tortilla on the cutting board. Sprinkle with shredded cheese, chicken, scallions, cilantro, tomatoes, avocado, and any other extras you like. Put a few dots of sour cream on top...this makes the filling creamy. Place another tortilla on top, then gently place on the grill or panini press. Grill until the cheese has melted and the tortilla is slightly brown....just a few minutes. (You can flip it on the grill....carefully with a spatula so all the fillings don't fall out!). It will cook fast! You can slice them into quarters to serve. For a yummy Mexican meal, serve with fresh salsa, guacamole, and corn and black bean salad. (Oh yeah....don't forget the Coronas and lime, too!).

Enjoy!
Penny

If I Self Pub My Book, Do I Get To Keep Sam Shepard And The House In Vermont?

I was watching the movie Baby Boom recently....remember the one from 1987? Diane Keaton plays a Manhattan yuppie who "inherits" a long-lost baby, loses her high-powered job in NY, moves to Vermont and buys a dilapidated old house, meets Sam Shepard, starts her own baby food business, and then becomes a great success. Her old company in Manhattan offers to buy her out. There is a kick-ass scene where she returns, victorious, to New York and meets with her colleagues who are trying to convince her to turn over the baby food business to them. 

As I watched this scene, I saw parallels between little self-pubbers who are "making it work" and the big publishing houses who are offering them contracts after the fact. Some of the little self-pubbers are saying yes and selling their book rights to the big guns. And some of the little self-pubbers are not. 

Here's the line that clicked with me from the movie.....

"To be quite frank, if the Food Chain can put Country Baby on every supermarket shelf in America, so can I."

If the big kahuna publishing companies can do it, so can I. I'm every bit as smart and determined as JC Wiatt in this movie. I only wish I could get that apple orchard in Vermont and Sam Shepard thrown into the self-pubbing deal. Sigh.

Dreaming of shoulder pads and adorable Vermont country doctors,

Penelope

The Pumpkin After The Storm

We survived the hurricane with very little damage. A few branches down...that's it. In the meantime, my garden has gone to the dark side. It has escaped the confines on my little white fence, and is now spilling over onto the sidewalk. Morning glories, tomatoes, and gigantic pumpkin vines are all living in peace and harmony, like some crazed mutant plant. I even have mini pumpkins developing on the sidewalk....

I am expecting that at some point, a person who is walking his dog will see the insane pumpkin patch and start helping himself to the cornucopia. Free pumpkins for everyone!

My mom's visit is over. ☹ We have enjoyed apple picking, shopping, a visit to the plant nursery, and looking over old photo albums....

School starts in about a week....woo hoo! I'm sad to see summer vacation over, but I'll be glad to get back to writing. Here is a tiny snippet of a botanically-inspired paranormal romance I am writing called L'Araldo Di Primavera....enjoy!

Twenty years ago....

            When Flora LaGuarda was five years old, she discovered an overgrown, weed-infested garden hidden behind her Papa's tool shed. A rusty gate creaked open as she approached, which she found quite welcoming and polite. Vines of bittersweet tugged at her anklets and milkweed pods exploded, showering her with silky fluff. She touched a thorny rose, and all at once the baby buds swelled, then burst, releasing a heady fragrance. Within seconds magenta blooms weighed heavily on the bush, the lush flower heads nodding in the sunshine. Flora turned to find Papa behind her, leaning thoughtfully on a rake.

            "Hmm," he said.

            "Hmm," she replied.

            He pulled off his faded Red Sox cap and scratched the small scrub of hairs on the top of his head. "Well, looks like you got a green thumb, Flora LaGuarda. Just like your Grandma." He slapped the hat across one thigh, dislodging a cloud of dust, then set it back on his head and nodded to her. "Time for lunch."

            Flora ran out of the garden, leaving a path of lush green growth in her wake. The gate banged shut behind her, and a clump of moss fell from the sign at the top. L'Araldo di Primavera it read.

***

Ciao!

Penelope

And A Happy, Beardy Morning To You!

From the Boston Globe, Sunday August 28, 2011....."Sam Worthington: Actor Wants To Be Much More Than The Quiet Action Hero" by Lynda Gorov.....

"He's chatty and freckly, and, well, hairy. Wildly hairy. Chin-length shag. Thick reddish beard. Neck, chest, forearms, hands, all covered in hair."



Feeling wildly fantastic about bearded Aussie actors,
Penelope

In Ecstasy Over Etsy

I appear to have developed a wee little shopping problem, courtesy of Etsy, the most kick-ass online shopping site in the world. (Thanks a lot, Heather).

Anyhoo, in case you haven't discovered this incredible spot, I will pass on the unhealthy addiction. Here you go..... Etsy

Penelope's Top 10 Coolest Etsy Discoveries For The Week!

1. Japanese paper-wrapped pencils....great for back-to-school!

2. Glass pumpkin

3. Weenie Dog Coin Purse

4. Beautiful necklace by Lindsay, aspiring romance writer!

5. Block print of old-timey typewriter

6. Beer soap

7. Your Beard Is Good Key Chain

8. Funky cover for your Kindle!

9. Fantabulous Bag! Love this!

10. Romantic Earrings

Happy Shopping!

Penelope

Penelope's New Inspiration: Liam The Lumberjack

Thanks to my diabolical friend Heather, I am now the proud owner of Liam The Lumberjack. This sweet little dude was an Etsy purchase, from the LicoriceWits shop. Note the fine beard/stache combo, curly chest hair poking through his plaid shirt, and friendly owl. Also note (see below) his cute tushy.

I'm going to re-decorate my office and use Liam as inspiration. I was so inspired by all the lumberjacky items at Etsy, I made my own collection, For Girls Who Love Lumberjacks. See it here. 

Happy Plaid Wednesday,

Penelope

What I Learned Over Summer Vacation: The Meaning Of Life

Summer is almost over. I managed to pack in three vacations, a visit with Mom, a nervous break-down, cleaned the garage, read some fun books, and got a bumper crop of pumpkins. You're probably wondering how the whole mid-life crisis thing is going. Well, it's going pretty well as a matter of fact. I finally figured out the meaning of life, which has two parts.

1. Live In The Moment.

2. Get A Williams-Sonoma Panini-Maker.

I know this sounds odd, but bear with me. Let's start with #1. Initially, I was convinced that the answer to my mid-life crisis was something huge and monumental. I needed to go to Alaska and see a glacier. I needed a vintage Porsche sports-car with racing stripes. I wanted to move to Hawaii and live in a grass hut on the beach. I was mulling over these options on the day I decided to take my daughter to an organic farm to pick flowers. It was a sunny and gorgeous New England summer day. Breezy and light. And my daughter and her friend ran around a field of luscious flowers, laughing and singing and dancing with the butterflies. (See post for photos).

I stood watching them, and I found that I had tears streaming down my face. I realized something profound. I didn't need to go to the Great Wall Of China, or see a volcano in Hawaii, or buy an over-priced sports car to feel better. I just needed to focus on the small things. Really focus. Instead of thinking about my to-do list for the day, or the fact that my car registration was expired, or that I had a mound of laundry to fold on my bed.

Live in the moment. Enjoy the breeze and the sunshine. Go pick flowers with my daughter. And not rush her. Not rush us. Enjoy that simple moment because that's what life really is. Not the big moments, which are wonderful and exciting, and definitely have their place in our lives. But more importantly, the small moments we have each and every day. The ones we miss because we are too busy picking up the dry-cleaning. Most of our lives are the small moments. And taking the time to enjoy them, savor them, appreciate them, is a gift we should embrace.

After making that profound observation, I decided to put my new attitude into action. When my daughter asked me to stop at the pet store on the way home from camp--for absolutely no good reason--instead of automatically saying "No...sorry honey I have to get home to cook dinner," I said...."Yes." She was delighted. We meandered around the pet store, visiting with the turtles and puppies and finches and frogs. That night we had pizza for dinner.

When my husband said "Let's go to Newport for the day" I didn't answer "No, I have too many chores, and what about the dog, and the drive is too long" instead we jumped in the car and drove to the beach and had a blast with the kids and the neighbors were happy to walk our dog. I was being spontaneous. This was something new and different and sort of scary.

When I complained about my hideous commute into Boston this summer, while driving my son to his camp, my husband said "Try to enjoy it." Enjoy it? So with both kids in the car, fighting traffic on Huntington Avenue, we played the license plate game. And people-watched. And picked out our dream cars. And God Christ Almighty, I actually did like it.

And after I signed up Natty for soccer and skating, and Cristian for swimming, I decided I wanted to take a class, too. So I'm taking stained glass window design, and a glass-blowing workshop this fall. Me. Taking a class for fun. And Natty and I are taking a cooking class together....Dessert Party. Hee hee.

Which brings me to Part #2 of The Meaning Of Life. The Williams-Sonoma Panini Maker. If I'm living in the moment, and making chocolate brownies with Natty, how am I supposed to cook dinner and do the laundry and take care of all of the mundane details of life that suck the joy out of my day and crush me under a to-do list from hell? Well, I decided I have one hour a day to do that shit. One hour. That's it. Pay bills, make the beds. Whatever. After that, if I want to take a yoga class or write a romance novel, or play with the weenie dog, then that's what I'm going to do.

And the undisputed answer to this dilemma is the Williams-Sonoma Panini Maker! I shit you not! It's the greatest invention of all time. I can make dinner for the whole family in five minutes. I can make breakfast sammies, lunch for the kids and neighbors and a quick dinner before swim practice. Veggie sammies with grilled vegetables and fresh basil from the garden and yummy melted cheese. Plain old grilled cheese for the kids. Carnivorous stuff for the hubs. I use that damned appliance every single day and it rocks. Anything that saves me time and still provides a nutritious meal for the family frees me up to do fun stuff. And it's all guilt-free.

So, that's what I learned over summer vacation. How about you?

Penelope

Consistency In World-Building: Don't Mess With True Love, Sucka

I've been pondering the strong opinions folks have concerning JR Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood series, and why there are such feelings of betrayal by some of its readers. When this series started out, it created some rabid, truly enamored fans (I was one of them). But over the course of time, some folks got very disgruntled (me included). Some people felt the series had jumped from romance to urban fantasy. Some folks felt the heroes were getting gypped by being paired with wishy-washy heroines. Some folks were pissed with inconsistencies with time lines and world-building details.

My introduction to paranormal romance was Christine Feehan. I read the entire Dark series in chronological order. Some readers totally dig the caveman mentality/lifemate thing, and some readers think she is way too melodramatic and over-the-top. But one thing I'll say for Christine is that she is consistent. Those damned Carpathians have one lifemate, and that's it. They don't turn gay half-way into the story. They don't have menages. They don't identify a lifemate, then walk away. From the very first book, Dark Prince, she sets up her world-building details for this race and she sticks to her guns for the whole damned series. (Which is 22 books long so far). This concept of having one lifemate, for all of eternity (they are immortal) is incredibly romantic. Which is why I suspect most of her fans love these books. It's not for the bloody vampire fights, for Christ's sake. It's because no matter what else is going on in the world, our lives, the book, we know that the male hero of her story will move heaven and earth to be with his mate, to protect her, to love her. Period.

When the Brotherhood series started, it had that same vibe about "mates"....the heroes became obsessed with their mates, released yummy smelling scents (hee hee), fed them by hand, worshipped them, etc. There are definitely more layers of complexity and gray areas in the Ward series, but the fact that a very basic world-building detail (indisputable mating of one male vampire to the heroine) has been bobbling around, is a problem. A very big problem. Because romance fans want something they can count on. Even if it's a big-ass, scarred vampire with a tortuous past loving his mate beyond anything else in this world. We can get through the torture, the pain and suffering, because we know in the end, the hero will find his salvation through love with his mate.

I don't have a problem with series growing and changing over the course of time. Some of Feehan's heroes have been beta males, some are warriors and some are not, some are brutally dominant, some are more thoughtful. But the basic premise for the Carpathian people....one lifemate, no cheating, no second chances....stays consistent throughout the series. It's the glue that holds it together, and why Feehan fans remain steadfastly loyal. If you create a paranormal series with certain world-building details, and your readers totally buy into that whole thing, then you can't start messing around with it. Cause folks will be all.....what the....????

By the way, Feehan's 22nd installment of the Dark Series, Dark Predator, is coming out Sept. 6. Zacarias' story!

Here's hoping everyone has a super-duper weekend!
Penelope

Sexy Cajun, Mackenzie Ragin', and Spanky Pagin': Three Super Quickie Reviews

The Red Hot Cajun by Sandra Hill

Genre: Contemporary Romance

The bad: The ending was a bit too fast, story slightly overstuffed.

The good: Sexy, delicious hero, hilarious Cajun family, loved the awesome romantic ending and epilogue. Made me feel like I was in the steamy bayou!

Grade: A-


The Many Sins of Lord Cameron by Jennifer Ashley

Genre: Historical Romance

The bad: No real plot, just ridiculous storyline involving a love letter from the queen.

The good: Fabulous characters, especially Cam, another kick-ass Mackenzie brother; a sexy and emotional story. Jennifer Ashley excels at not only creating wonderful heroes, but also strong, interesting heroines. I love that! Bravo!

Grade: A-


Operation: Spank Me by Christina James

Genre: Erotic Romance

The bad: Way too much sex! Book could have been easily 50% shorter. Terms like "drenched p*ssy" used repeatedly.

The good: Surprisingly engaging story. Loved the Vermonty stuff, loved the roses, the story was compelling and sweet. A nice happy ending, although a bit rushed.

Grade: B


All my best,
Penelope

You're Reading What?

You're reading.....

....a novel? How embarrassing. Don't tell anyone. Scandalous, I tell you.

....popular fiction? Really. That's rather lowbrow don't you think?

.....romance? Bodice rippers? Ha! What a bunch of crap!

.....an erotic story? Oh my God! That's pornographic. Certainly not "real" fiction.

....BDSM/menage/slash stories? That's unnatural. Perverse. No worthwhile publisher would consider that.

....an e-book? How cheesy. Those aren't real books.

....something published by a small, independent publisher? If it's not out of New York, it doesn't count.

....a self-published book? Any loser can do that. It has no value.


Pondering the prevalence of pompous comments on the internet and over the course of history,
Penelope

Operation: Popovers!

Thanks to recently reading the book Operation: Spank Me, I am now using this expression constantly. Operation: Clean the garage! Operation: Cook dinner! Operation: Walk the dog! 


........help....me......must.....stop.......


Anyhow, for today's "Operation" my daughter and I are gearing up for Operation: Popovers. The one brief, shining, sunny moment during our vacation to Acadia was at the Jordan Pond. After a quick nature walk, we enjoyed the delicious popovers at the Jordan Pond House Restaurant. Of course, I quickly ordered a popover pan from Amazon, and today we are going to attempt to bake these delicious treats. Hopefully they won't sink like the Titanic.


I'm trying this very simple recipe from Allrecipes.com.....


Ingredients

• 2 eggs
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 cup milk
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C). Grease and flour six 6-ounce custard cups.
2. In a medium bowl beat eggs slightly, Beat in flour, milk and salt until just smooth; being careful not to overbeat. Fill custard cups 1/2 full.
3. Bake at 450 degrees F (230 degrees C) for 20 minutes. Decrease oven temperature to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) and bake for 20 minutes more. Immediately remove from cups and serve piping hot.

Commence.....Operation: Popovers!


ETA: Operation: Popovers was a big success! Here is our basket of goodies....

Nom, nom, nom.

Ciao!
Penny

How Do We Feel About "Make-Over" Romance Novels?

I read a few books over vacation, and one of them was Too Perfect by Julie Ortolon. A formerly chubby slightly agoraphobic woman gets "stranded" on a tropical island and becomes a housekeeper for a reclusive man who refuses to be seen. Just to win a bet with her friends. Sure, that sounds....totally plausible. Anyhoo, the "recluse" is actually a big, jaded Hollywood star who is gorgeous and sexy. Since we can't have a frumpy, chubby girl get the hottie guy, said girl undergoes a transformation....transformation.....transformation....(imagine "Slim" from A Bug's Life is saying this part, which should be easy if you have kids and watched that movie 10 million times).

Needless to say, Chubby Girl gets a make-over by Hollywood Dude aka French Dude With A Fake Goatee aka The Recluse. Gone are the big, baggy clothes, replaced with bright colorful shirts with parrot motifs, chunky jewelry, and hair loosely piled on her head instead of pulled back in a tight bun. Because nothing says New And Improved Sexy Girl like a parrot motif.

(Yeah, I'm being sort of sarcastic here but as soon as I read "parrot motif" I got thrown out of the story.)

So, as I'm reading this, I'm thinking.....(A) Make-over books are sort of irritating, and (B) If I was getting a make-over and someone made me wear a shirt with effin parrots on it, I would be seriously pissed off, and (C) Why can't the chubby girl get the hottie guy?

There is something inherently romantic about a mousy little thing transformed into Cinderella for a night. But there is also something distressing about it, too. Can't a mousy little thing be beautiful, appealing, sexy, loved? Do we really need clunky jewelry or mascara for men to find us attractive? Who the hell finds parrots sexy? (Maybe a zookeeper or something?) The point is, I think the "make-over" theme in romance novels is pretty juvenile....it seems like the kind of thing a teenager would like. Teens, who spend millions of dollars on hair products and make-up and accessories and shoes with sparkles on them. I am hoping that adults have realized there are more important things than soft, wispy tendrils of hair falling seductively around one's face. And I would surely, surely hope that a hero would realize it, too. Even if the heroine is slightly chubby, or wears drab clothes, hopefully he could see past that and find her kind, generous, funny, sweet and lovely personality a big win. Because otherwise, he's looking pretty shallow.

The hero in this book is actually pretty cool. He does recognize that the heroine is genuine and wonderful, even without the bird-inspired apparel. As far as contemporary romance novels go, this is a cute book, although the make-over details were definitely overdone. (Grade: B+)

How do you feel about "make-over" books? Love them? Hate them? Do they make you feel inadequate about your own style, which may be sadly lacking in parrot shirts?

Happy Monday To All!
Penny

A Matching Quiz From Penelope

For a quick weekly summary from Penelope, please take this matching quiz. Thank you very much.


1. Jo Jo            

2. The Many Sins of Lord Cameron              

3. Cadillac Mountain      

4. Too Perfect       

5. Daughter's unfortunate discovery on lobster boat in Kennebunkport            

6. Sentence most repeated by 13 year old son during vacation week in Maine        

7. Sentence most repeated by 8 year old daughter during vacation week in Maine      

8. Favorite activities during vacation        

9. Wackiest news of the week  

10. Operation Spank Me



A. "What's for dessert?" (#7)

B. Dead fish found floating at top of tank when we returned home from vacation (#1)

C. Excellent historical romance with no real plot to speak of, but wonderful characters (#2)

D. Riding go-carts and playing mini-golf (#8)

E. Evidently, a nice mountain in Acadia; wouldn't know, since it was completely obscured by fog (#3)

F. Cute contemporary romance with extended make-over for heroine, including a shirt with a "parrot" on it (ugh!) (#4)

G. It's a bad idea to eat Doritos before getting seasickness (#5)

H. My sis got married unexpectedly, on my anniversary! Yay! (#9)

I. Embarrassingly-titled erotica I hid on my Kindle (#10)

J. "Does this place have wi fi?" (#6)



So, I'm back from vacation. I read 3 books (mini reviews to come later). Some things didn't work out so well (dead fish, seasickness, rain and fog at Acadia), and some things were wonderful (hanging out with the family).

Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Penny

See You Later, Alligator!

I'm off for my Maine adventure! We are doing a coastal exploration, and stopping at Kennebunkport, Camden, Mt Desert Island, Freeport and Portland. It's been 15 years since I was in Acadia. I can't wait!

See yinz all in a week or so.

Happy Summer Days!
Penelope

Frat Boyz R Us: Shelly Laurenston's Paranormal Furballs

I think it's pretty apparent why shapeshifters and romance became a successful genre. There is something inherently sexy and domineering and elemental about a wild beast. Strip away the humanity, and what you have left is a being who thinks about eating and survival and sex and protecting his pack and loved ones. There is nothing sexier than an intense, mysterious werewolf claiming its mate (oh, how I love you Vane Kattalakis).

I love serious, intense shapeshifters (Sherrilyn Kenyon). I love funny shapeshifters (Molly Harper). I love steampunky shapeshifters (Gail Carriger). And I especially love Scottish shapeshifters tortured by vampires (Kresley Cole). But for some strange reason, I am not getting the whole Shelly Laurenston thing.

I know folks who absolutely adore this author, but I couldn't stand the first two books I read by her. Beast Behaving Badly was a bad introduction to the Pride series. I thought Blayne was a horrible heroine--irritating and hyper. There were too many confusing characters and I didn't get the humor.  Pack Challenge (Magnus Pack series) was even worse. I hated the hero, the heroine, and all of their friends. I didn't find cussing, slapping, and constant insults funny, nor did I find it sexy or romantic.

I just finished reading The Mane Squeeze (Pride series #4) and I really enjoyed this story. (I will get back to that review in a moment.) But it finally dawned on me what is totally bizarre about these books.

In a nutshell, it's Animal House. With real animals.

All of the characters act like drunken fraternity brothers. The guys. The girls. Their parents. Their grandparents. And I'm not talking about one of those geeky fraternities where the guys wear glasses and are computer geniuses. I'm talking about John Belushi-style fraternity boys, waking up in a pile of their own vomit and drool, and wearing underwear on their head. The animals in Laurenston's books act like a bunch of immature, idiotic fraternity boys. They party. They slap each other around. They cuss and insult each other. They resort to violence in short order. And the girls are actually worse than the guys! Even the parents act like imbeciles. Honestly, I think Laurenston is giving the animal kingdom a bad rap. Real animals behave better than most of these losers.

Now, it could be funny I suppose. Some folks find these very humorous. But I keep waiting for a real grown-up to show up. They never do.

I think one of the reasons I really enjoyed The Mane Squeeze is that it has a lot more subtlety than the other two I read. The hero is a sweet beta bear, and the heroine is not as unlikable as the other heroines. The over-the-top antics are still here, but slightly toned back, and the humor was perfect. I did laugh out loud more than once.

Strangely, I loved Blayne in this story. She is still hyper and weird, but also charming and sweetly loyal to her friend. Too bad those qualities didn't dominate her own book. However, I still found the number of characters overwhelming, the complicated family structures confusing, and the politics of all the different packs difficult to understand. On the plus side, I love that Laurenston has Asian characters and black characters and hybrid characters, and deals with the bigotry and intolerance they experience.

I'm glad I finally read a Laurenston book I liked, but I think I'm done with her series. I can only take Animal House in small doses, and I like my shapeshifters a bit more dignified and sexy. (Playing with one's toes is cute and goofy, but not so high up on the sexy meter.) I'm sure the Shelly Laurenston fans are going to let me have it. Bring it on. I can take it. I already got slammed by a JD Robb fanatic at Bertucci's and I lived to tell the tale.

Struggling with a strange urge to do a beer bong,
Penelope

Second Chances

"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance."



Guess who uttered these words of wisdom? Gandhi? The Dalai Lama?

Nope, it was Harrison Ford.
Really.


Today, August 3, 2011 is the one year anniversary of my heart attack. The day I got a second chance.


I would like to thank my son who held my hand while I waited for the ambulance to arrive.
I would like to thank the Needham Massachusetts fire department and police department, who saved my life.
I would like to thank everyone at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston who took care of me and fixed up my faulty heart.
I would like to thank my friends and family and colleagues and neighbors who went way beyond the call of duty to help me and my family, whose generosity and love were the key to my healing and recuperation.
I would like to thank my husband Carl who is my true soulmate and best friend.
I would like to thank my children who are the joy of every day.
I would like to thank my dachshund Lucy who gives unconditional love to our family.
I would like to thank all of my on-line friends for your support and kindness this past year.


Embracing second chances,
Penelope

(Photo taken by my very talented son.)

Got Corn?

Here is a great recipe to take advantage of the delicious fresh corn available at farm stands right now. It's Cheddar Corn Chowder, a healthy recipe from Martha Stewart. I made it this weekend for my guests and they loved it!


Cheddar Corn Chowder

Ingredients:
2 T olive oil
1 med finely chopped yellow onion
1 finely chopped celery stalk
1/2 t. ground coriander
1/4 t. ground cumin
1/8 t. cayenne pepper
1/2 cup dry white wine
3 Yukon gold potatoes, cut into cubes (Martha removes the peels, but I don't!)
2 c. chicken broth (low sodium, low fat)
1 c. nonfat or 1% milk
3 c. fresh corn kernels (about 6 ears of corn)
salt and pepper to taste
2 oz. sharp white cheddar cheese, grated


Heat oil in a pot over medium heat, add onion and cook for about 4 minutes. Then add celery and cook for 4 more minutes. Add coriander, cumin and cayenne. Raise heat to med-high and add wine. Cook until most of the liquid has evaporated (just a couple of minutes). Then add potatoes, chicken broth and milk. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 15 minutes.

Add corn and cook for 3-4 minutes. Remove from heat. Put 2 cups of slightly cooled soup into a Cuisinart and puree. Return puree to the pot and stir into the soup. Warm up the soup again, season with salt and pepper. When serving, top the soup with a sprinkle of sharp cheddar cheese.

Tip from Penelope: Before cutting the corn kernels off the cob, cut the ends so they're perfectly flat. This makes it much easier to chop the kernels off the cob.

Enjoy!

Happy Day,
Penelope

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday!

Monday morning quickie updates.....

I read Sheila Connolly's mystery Let's Play Dead. It is a very subdued style of mystery, about a museum director in Philadelphia. Not a lot of action, no real romance to speak of, and lots of mundane details about daily operations at a museum. Even though it was pretty dry reading, I still liked it. The mystery itself is the star of the show, and Connolly does a good job with the plotline. Also, the cover is simply adorable! Grade: B

I finally got to read Hannah Howell's latest addition to the Wherlocke series, If He's Dangerous. What a great story! I am totally digging the paranormally-enhanced Wherlocke family. They are bad-ass, mysterious and oh so sexy. Schwing! I am now in love with the name Angus. It's hot! I thought this book was the perfect package....great romance, terrific characters, engaging storyline. Grade: A

Thanks to People magazine for this inspiring photo of Hugh.

Happy Monday,

Penelope