Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Hot Potato, Cold Potato: A Couple O' Reviews By Penelope

Last night I sucked down not one, but two short romance novels. (While my husband read about 14 pages of his "real" book.....sucker!). The first one was hot, short and sweet. The second one was a good example of why publishers need to pay attention to their cover art. It left me cold. (Hence the title of this post...Hot Potato, Cold Potato....get it? I came up with that one at about 4 am this morning. My insomnia problem continues).

Okay, here we go......

1. Hot Potato:

Hot As Hades by Alisha Rai

I don't expect the meaning of life when I read an erotica. But I do like some romance and humor thrown into a sexy story. This quick read by Rai is exactly how I like my erotica....fast-paced and hot! It's a fun, extremely sexy, mythologically-inspired quickie. And she does a fabulous job making us care about the characters in a short amount of time. She also manages to squeeze in some emotion and a sweet HEA. The sexy-hot meter on this one is in the Naga Viper chili pepper range (the world's hottest chili pepper, with a Scoville heat index of 1,382,118). Spicy, baby!

Loved this one! Grade: A-

2. Cold Potato:

Northern Fascination (Harlequin Blaze) by Jennifer LaBrecque

When a friend on Twitter saw this cover, she sent me a link. Alaskan setting, dude with a plaid shirt, ripped jeans, excellent scruffy beard, and a nice six-pack for good measure. The book blurb says he's a "geologist".....he sounds and looks like a rugged good time. Basically, my dream guy!

Unfortunately, this was a matter of false advertising, as well as a few other problems.....

1.) The hero is a weenie executive, not a rugged geologist. He is in Alaska to buy out the entire town for a mining venture.....to make money. This is the most asinine premise for a story ever.

2.) The heroine was grating.

3.) This book could have been set in any small town, anywhere. The Alaskan setting is completely ignored.

4.) The heroine is a 29 year old virgin who turns into a nymphomaniac.

5.) The best part of this book is the secondary storyline involving a shaman, which completely disappears at the end of the book with no resolution. WTF??

6.) There is a broken condom and an unplanned pregnancy. Of course! It's a freakin' Harly!

7.) The hero decides not to shave for ONE WHOLE DAY, and he feels all rugged and Alaska-y. One day? Are you crapping me? What, do you want a medal for that? One day's worth of stubble does not make you a mountain man, you executive weenie. For the love of God.....

8.) Nor does wearing some boots or a plaid shirt for one day. He was still using his Blackberry. Weenie!

9.) Funniest line ever.....right after the 29 year old virgin has sex for the first time, what does she say to the hero? "Oh my....That was better than masturbating in a hot tub." Haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Oh, snap! Because nothing jacks up a guy's ego more than kicking a hot tub's ass, for sure.

10.) At one point the heroine thinks "Way cool." Um, 29 or 13 years old? Way cool?

Sigh. If you promise me a plaid shirt-wearing, scruffy-faced rugged dude in Alaska, don't give me an executive weenie one step up from a hot tub. To be fair, if I didn't expect a mountain man story, I would say this was an okay, not great, read. It still had lots of problems (ridiculous story arc, unresolved secondary storyline, irksome H/h, overlooked Alaskan setting, etc etc).

Grade: C

So, one winner and one loser and I still beat my husband in the reading competition. What's next?