Happy Release Day For Sweet Magik! Time For Another Giveaway!

The day is finally here! Sweet Magik (Klaus Brothers Series #2) is now available as an ebook and in print! (See linkies at the bottom of this post!) To celebrate, Penny and the Klaus Brothers are hosting a party today and giving away a copy of Sweet Magik and this adorable holiday necklace.....

(Yes, it got it from Etsy. So sue me!).

Please leave a comment after the post and you will be entered in the giveaway. Winners announced next week.


For those of you not familiar with the Klaus family, here's a cheat sheet....


Santa: Head Honcho for Klaus Enterprises
Nicholas Klaus: Oldest son of Santa, master pastry chef, owns Klaus Küche in the North Pole
Sven: Master Toy Builder at the North Pole, a.k.a Hippy Boy
Wolfgang: Director of Charitable Donations....buff and beardy! (schwing!)
Gregor: Financial guru....rocks a goatee
Oskar: Director of Elfin Resources, green-haired snowboarding punk, Bad Boy
Ingo: Elf at the North Pole


Penny: Let's get ready to party! Time to put on my 1980s itunes mix and get out the peppermint schnapps. Woo hoo! (Penny starts busting a move to "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa)


Oskar: (blanches) What is she doing?


Sven: (doubled over with laughter) I think she's doing a cabbage patch....


Nicholas: Can someone please pull the plug on the ipod dock? Please? I'm begging you....


Wolfie: Not yet! This is entertaining. (takes incriminating photo with cell phone)


Gregor: (clears throat) Excuse me. Penny. Um, aren't we supposed to be talking about your latest book?


Penny: Huh? Oh yeah. (takes big swig from martini glass) Okay. Let's talk about Sweet Magik. Oskar, how psyched are you? It's your big day. You finally have your own book!


Oskar: Oh, super psyched for sure. Chucking my bachelorhood for the old ball-n-chain is a big thrill.


Penny: Are you being sarcastic?


Nicholas: Don't worry, O. I'm sure Penny fixed you up with the perfect woman. I got the perfect woman for me, after all. (Read all about Nicholas' holiday adventure in Sweet Inspiration).


Gregor: Or.....Penny may have used her writing powers for evil, instead of good.


Oskar: What's that supposed to mean?


Wolfie: (chuckles) Penny wouldn't do that.


Sven: (shoots Oskar a shit-eating grin) Yeah, seriously Oskar. I'm sure Penny has forgiven you for filling her stocking with coal last year.


Penny: (narrows eyes) Not really. I was expecting scented soaps and gift cards.


Gregor whispers to Oskar.....


Oskar: (clears his throat): I'm sure your stocking will be filled with itunes gift cards this year. So you can download more of that shitty, 1980s crap.... (Gregor whispers to him again)..... I mean, all those wonderful classics you love.


Penny: You know what this party needs?


Sven: Lumberjacks?


Wolfie: Super models?


Gregor: Champagne would be nice. Peppermint schnapps is so juvenile...


Penny: (shakes her head) No. What this party needs is.....Celine Dion's Holiday Mix!


All Klaus Brothers groan in unison.


Oskar: Dear God, make it stop.


Penny: Nothing gets me in the holiday mood more than that music. I just love Celine!


Ingo: Hi Penny! How are you?


Penny: Ingo! So good to see you. These guys are giving me a hard time about my musical selection. Don't elves listen to music while they work?


Ingo: (nods) Yah. I like Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker."


Penny: Uh, okay. That's....nice.


Sven: (laughs) I don't think the elves listen to Brit Brit while they work.


Penny: That's super hilarious, Hippy Boy. How's the recycling going this year?


Sven: (lifts a glass bottle out of the cardboard bin) Good for me. Not so good for you. Slacker.


Wolfie: Any hints about Oskar's love life? I can't wait to see what happens in Sweet Magik.


Penny: Well.... I'll give you a few hints. If you like snowboarding and surfing and librarians and magic and snowball fights and demons and evil elves and nice elves and conflicted elves and sexy time and magical snowmen and parties and Star Wars-style epic battles, then Sweet Magik is the book for you!


All Klaus Brothers look stunned.


Oskar: For cripes sakes, Pen. You even got Star Wars in there?


Penny: Of course. It's my favorite movie.


Gregor: (nods head thoughtfully) Wow. That sounds....


Nicholas: Interesting.


Wolfie: Strange.


Sven: Totally wack.


Gregor: Totally Penny.


Oskar: I just hope you didn't pair me up with a brown bagger or something.


Penny: Of course not. She is beautiful and kind and courageous. You deserve nothing less than that. In spite of the coal-in-my-stocking fiasco.


Oskar: (blows out a relieved breath of air) Cool!


All Klaus Brothers high five Oskar!


Penny: Thanks to everyone who stopped by today. Please leave a comment for Oskar and the gang. One lucky commenter will win a copy of Sweet Magik (ebook) as well as the adorable holiday necklace. 


A few early review snippets are dribbling in for Sweet Magik.....


From Julie at Outlandish Dreaming.... "Heartwarming holiday romance."
From Katiebabs at Babbling About Books..."Perfect holiday read."
From Christi at Smitten With Reading...."[Sweet Magik] is full of adventure, suspense, danger, romance and at its heart, it is full of Christmas magic." See full review here!
From Gaby at Oh My Books..."If you are looking for a heart warming romance for this Christmas, this one is for you!" See full review here!


I am stoked!


Purchase Sweet Magik (print copy) at The Wild Rose Press.
Purchase Sweet Magik (print copy) at Amazon.
Purchase ebook at The Wild Rose Press.
Purchase ebook on Amazon Kindle!

Book Blurb:

Oskar Klaus' job is killing him. Not even his favorite hobbies (extreme snowboarding and browsing old bookstores) are enough to snap him out of his funk. It's not easy living in the shadow of four successful older brothers and a father named Santa. Little does he know that a kiss on New Year's Eve is about to turn his life upside-down.

Kiana Grant's Manhattan life is a world away from her childhood in Oahu. She traded sunsets and surfing for a respectable career in library science, but Oskar Klaus is a temptation that's hard to resist. Before she knows it, she's in the midst of an outrageous adventure in the North Pole, dealing with mischievous elves, wicked demons, and a devastating attraction to Santa's youngest son.

There's just one problem...a bitter elf hell-bent on revenge threatens the future of everyone in the North Pole, even Santa himself...

❅❅❅

Excerpt for SWEET MAGIK.....

             He never heard the end of the countdown.

            One minute he was leaning toward her, and the next he was lost in a tropical Eden. Sweet and lush, surrounded by warm breezes and the feel of sand beneath his bare feet. The scent of perfumed flowers filled the air, and he groaned as Kiana's slender arms wound around his neck. She let out a breathy sigh just before her lips touched his. So softly, so gently, he wasn't sure if it was real. He brushed his mouth over hers and she opened for him, tasting of tea and honey and paradise. Greedy for more, his hands slid under her baggy blouse, stroking the smooth skin of her back. He pressed her closer until he felt the pounding beat of her heart against his chest. Her fingers fluttered like a butterfly against the stubble on his cheek, finally resting there and tracing his jaw.

            He deepened the kiss, pushing her back against the cushions of the sofa, devouring her mouth. Her leg hooked over his knee pushing the drab gray skirt up her thigh. A long expanse of soft skin rubbed against his trousers. Without thinking, he moved a hand to her leg and dragged his palm along the bare skin. He could swear he heard the sound of the ocean, waves crashing and returning to sea. He moaned and Kiana gasped in delight. He was having difficulty breathing, so he pulled back, nipping her lip on the way. The heat of a scorching sun bathed his body, and before his eyes finally snapped open, he heard the faint sound of a ukulele playing. Then, silence.

            His eyes opened and he found himself sitting in the darkened corner of the living room, alone on the sofa. In his hands he held a pair of tortoise shell glasses.

            Kiana was gone.

❆❆❆

Merry Christmas To All And To All A Good Night!

Penelope

A Touch Of Whimsy, A Scruffy Kiss & A First Review: Happy Thursday!

Happy Thursday! I am extremely happy that Wednesday is over. In summary, I accidentally deleted a 1300-word blog post, then spent an hour trying to retrieve it, then gave up and rewrote the whole damned thing, then exploded a jar of pasta sauce in my white kitchen, then smashed my leg in the car door, and then had a epic battle with my daughter about her homework.

Happy Thursday!

In an effort to make myself feel better last night, I surfed Etsy for cute Christmas-y stuff, and I watched the season premiere of Top Chef (fun!). The whimsical bookmark above was one of the sweetest, most whimsical things I found while on-line shopping. So cute! Here is the link for it on Etsy.

I also re-read Liz Carlyle's No True Gentleman, which is on my all-time fav historical list. Here's a nice paragraph from the book. Note the POV changes within the same paragraph. Carlyle has them popping back and forth throughout this book.

"Catherine gasped but did not draw away. Instead, her fingers curled into the fabric of his cloak, dragging her body against his. The gasp became a soft sound of need. Again, he raked his mouth over hers, heedlessly chafing her with the stubble of his beard. Max did not need to see the elegant line of her jaw or the inviting swell of her bottom lip to know that he had to taste her more deeply. His body had thrummed with lust the moment he'd seized her hand and swept her across Walrafen's ballroom."

Stubbly beard! I'll take it! ☺

Finally, I awoke this morning to find the first posted review for Sweet Magik. According to Gaby at Oh My Books, "If you are looking for a heart warming romance for this Christmas, this one is for you!"

Happy Thursday! Wednesday is just a distant memory.

Hope everyone has a great day and avoids splattering vodka sauce all over themselves like a horror movie,
Penelope

P.S. Don't forget to stop by tomorrow for the party with the Klaus Brothers. We will be giving away a copy of Sweet Magik and a fun holiday necklace (surprisingly, from Etsy!....hee hee).

Push It Real Good

For some inexplicable reason, I woke up this morning singing this song. If you want to feel bad-ass and like you can take over the world, listen to this song for a couple of minutes. It's a great way to start the day! Salt-N-Pepa, baby!

Work it, baby. Oh baby baby!

Still searching for my 1980s time machine. Don't you wish we could have a dance party with all the book bloggers, authors, and reviewers, with non-stop 1980s music and gigantic martini glasses?

Dreaming........

Push It Real Good,

Penelope

PennyNoWriMoFoSho

Here we go again....another writing challenge. Someone decided to make November the month to pack in a 50,000 word novel...NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). Which could be a cool concept, except for a few small details....

You know. That day with the turkey and cranberry sauce and stuffing and stuff?

Not only do Americans get to commemorate the Pilgrims and the Native Americans getting together and eating stuff, but the American school system has decided that this holiest of holidays warrants its own "Break".....as in, Thanksgiving Break. As in....the kids are home. Screaming. Yelling. Using the computer. Begging for candy. Inviting over their friends.

As in.....there is no way in holy hell I am getting a 50,000 word novel written this month. Add on Veteran's Day holiday, and a professional day off from school, and you're left with lots of screaming children at home.

Now, I'm sure that there are writers who are able to block out the shrieking and write something worthy of publication. I can't even write a grocery list with Nickelodeon blaring in the background, Britney blaring on itunes, boys screaming in the basement as they kill virtual zombies, and my daughter and her friends having a dance party in the living room.

Then again, I'm not sure what month would be optimal for this challenge. March actually looks pretty good. It's a boring month, and the kids are forced to go to school.

I have decided that this is the month that I am going to rekindle my writing, but my challenge is much mo easier than NaNoWriMo. More like PenNoWriSoMo, instead....PenWriSlowMo. How about that one? How about.....20,000 words? That might be a good goal? How about....have some fun? I like it!

Well, I know fosho that November will include lots of turkey dishes, family squabbles, my daughter's adoption day celebration, and probably some writing.

This I KnoFoSho.

Happy Writing, Everyone!

SoShoI'mKo,
Pen

Happy Halloweenie!

If I ever tried to put a humiliating costume like this on Lucy, she would probably bite me!

HAPPY HALLOWEENIE!

Elves and Magik

The countdown has begun for the digital release of Sweet Magik! This Friday, November 4, Oskar Klaus and his brothers will be visiting Penelope's, and giving away an adorable holiday necklace and a copy of my latest installment of the Klaus Brothers Series.

In the meantime, I thought I would post an excerpt about the other cool dude in this book. He's short, he's conflicted, he's got pointy ears.....yep, he's an elf. Ingo plays an integral part of this story. And so does the magic of the North Pole. Here's an excerpt from Sweet Magik to introduce you to Ingo and the magical mayhem of Glasdorf.....

              Ingo pawed through a stack of old books in the library. He hadn't bothered to turn on a lamp. Thin shards of moonlight filtered through the dusty windows and cast an unearthly glow around the room. 

            "Where the hell did I put it? It's got to be here somewhere." Finally he spied a teetering pile by the desk and the thick tome at the bottom looked familiar.

            "Ah, got it!" He pushed the tower, scattering manuscripts on the floor. Carefully, he lifted the gold-edged book, brushing cobwebs off the leather bindings. It had been scores of years since he had the occasion to look at this volume. Even after all of this time, bits of light buzzed off the ragged edges of the spine, reminding him how powerful the Zauberwort Buch really was.

            He held the ancient tome in a shaft of light, illuminating the faded pages.

            What are you gonna do, Ingo Hertz? Verboten. Verboten. The magik of our ancestors is a sacred responsibility. Not to be used in an inappropriate manner. Not to be used for personal gain, vengeance, or evil intent.

            The voice of Master Eugen echoed in his head.

            His callused fingers hesitated over the book. Then the image of Lys struggling to free herself from Per's grip popped into his mind. He flipped open the tome and a long sigh was released into the air. Swirls of dust laced with magik funneled upward from the yellowed-pages and disappeared into the darkness. 

            The Zauberwort Buch jumped from his hands and started to hop across the floor. Ingo could tell the magik was warming up, getting ready for mischief. Eugen taught all of the elves of Glasdorf that the magik must be reined in; its natural course was to "run toward trouble." He would shout "Dicke Luft!" (trouble's brewing) as streams of unrestrained magik swirled throughout the classroom, teasing the students, attempting to incite them. 

            Ingo distinguished himself from an early age as a Magik Bändiger, or magik tamer. Only certain elves were capable of this feat. It required the ability to trick the magik, which was extremely difficult. Magik was crafty and cunning and had a mind of its own. Tricking it at its own game entailed complex strategies depending on the energy involved. Ingo always enjoyed devising traps for the runaway magik, and then sitting back to watch the inevitable downfall.           

            Master Eugen had been disappointed that he had not apprenticed as a Bändiger, but the Hertz family had a long and distinguished history as woodworkers, and Ingo's talent with the wood rivaled his talent with the magik.

            Ingo felt the familiar thrill of power course through him as he dove for the book, grappling with it as it snapped at his fingers. 

            "Halt!" he barked at the irksome Buch. Too bad these spells don't work on elves, or I'd give Per a night he would never forget. The elfin magik worked on the human population, but not on other elves. It was a built-in protection for their well-being.

            Fumbling in the darkness, he found a candle on his desk and lit it. He carefully pulled apart the dusty pages of the book until he found a section entitled Herz Magik, Heart Magik. He nodded as he perused the ancient spells, searching for one he remembered from long ago. Once he located the enchantment, he knocked about his house collecting various items...scraps of paper, more candles, a newspaper article, a button, and finally a page ripped from his new calendar in the kitchen.

            Ingo placed the Zauberwort Buch in the center of his desk, opened to a spell called Zottig Herz (Ragged Heart). First he scribbled his name and Oskar's onto a piece of paper and placed it on the tome. Then, he took the calendar insert and held it over the flickering flame of the candle, scorching the date January first, just above the image of a crescent moon. He searched the calendar for the full moon. January eleventh. Eleven days of misery. He singed the square marked eleven, blackening the plump full moon.

            Ingo rubbed the mother-of-pearl button in his callused fingers and reverently placed it atop the book. Then the article, torn from a Klaus Enterprise newsletter. Every spare candle in his home was scattered on the tabletop, looking like a collection of ominous stalagmites. He took a deep breath and swallowed the last of the liquor from his flask. The empty container fell to the ground, clattering on the floor.

            Ingo began to recite the words, dictated centuries ago. For one brief moment, his voice wavered as he thought of Lys and her sweet smiling face. She was all goodness and light, and he knew she would not approve of this act of vengeance. But the images of Wiebe's laughing face and Per tugging at Lys' waist swirled inside his brain and his voice gained momentum as the ancient words rolled off his tongue. Again and again he uttered the spell, until he collapsed in a drunken stupor on the floor. As he fell into a foggy slumber, Ingo could hear the Zauberwort Buch rattling on the table, brimming with mischief.

            

I was inspired by elfin things this weekend, and created a special Etsy treasury list. Please enjoy "It's The Elfin Apocalypse!" (I know, I know....I have an Etsy problem. So shoot me!) 

Happy Monday!

Penelope

Beard Of The Day

As you all know, I am not a huge fan of the whole Twilight movie fiasco. However, I definitely took a second look when Mr. Robert Pattinson decided to grow a nice, distinguished-looking beard. (No sparkles in sight!). In fact, if Rob popped on a plaid shirt (which he often wears) and grabbed an axe, he could probably fit right in with a rough-n-tumbly gang of lumberjacks.

Grade for the beard......A+
Grade for the sparkly movie....F

Have a great weekend!
Penelope

I'm Not Going To Die? Well, Hell

I made a startling discovery this week. I've spent the last 14 months thinking that I could keel over and die at any moment. Even though I "recovered" from my heart attack, lost 40 pounds, take all my meds, reversed my diabetes diagnosis, and walk 2 hours a day, I was still paranoid. I was living in "survivor mode." Every day was about staying alive. Exercise, meds, strict diet, low stress.

This week I realized I'm not going to die.

Well, hell. Now what do I do?

Seriously.

Survivor mode was actually pretty easy. You just take it day by day. "I'm Not Gonna Die" mode is much more complicated. I have to think about the future. What are my career plans? Travel plans? Where should I live, what should I do, does my ass look good in these Carhartts? (the answer to that last question is yes!)

So, I am feeling somewhat discombobulated right now. This is not an easy transition. I have a lot of ideas floating around in my brain, and somehow I need to settle them down and work out a plan of action.

First on the list is to decide which WIP to finish. I have 4 on the back-burner, and 3 new story ideas that popped up in the last several weeks just to torture me. Cripes.

In the meantime, I just started reading The Blond Leading The Blond....a cute, well-written mystery by Jayne Ormerod.

So, for today's to-do list I have.....

1. Do laundry
2. Water plants
3. Figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life

It's gonna be a fun day!
Penelope

Magic & Witches & Romance Writers, Oh My!

18th Annual Conference

New England Chapter of Romance Writers of America ®

April 27-28, 2012, Hawthorne Hotel

Salem, Massachusetts

★   Fabulous Speakers   ★   Exciting Workshops   ★   Historic Location   ★

★   Individual Editor & Agent Appointments   ★   Literacy Book Signing   ★

★   Ghost Hunt   ★   Psychic Fair & Cocktail Party   ★

FEATURED SPEAKERS

MICHAEL HAUGE   Story and script consultant, author and lecturer. Author of Selling Your Story In 60 Seconds: The Guaranteed Way To Get Your Screenplay Or Novel Read.

MARIE FORCE   Bestselling author of contemporary romance and romantic suspense, including the McCarthys of Gansett Island and Fatal Series.

KRISTAN HIGGINS   NYT and USA Today best-selling author and 2-time winner of the RWA RITA ® award.

AGENT AND EDITOR APPOINTMENTS:

★ CRITIQUES OF THE FIRST 10 PAGES WILL BE GIVEN TO EARLY REGISTRANTS ★

AGENTS: Alyssa Henkin (Trident Media Group LLC), Susannah Taylor (Richard Henshaw Group), Emmanuelle Morgen (Judith Ehrlich Literary), Carlie Webber (Jane Rotrosen Agency)

EDITORS:  Megan Records (Kensington Brava), Susan Litman (Harlequin Silhouette), Steph Murray (Crescent Moon)

EARLY REGISTRATION December 1-January 15, $189 (NEC members), $209 (non-members)

REGULAR REGISTRATION January 16-April 6, $199 (NEC members), $219 (non-members)

MEALS ONLY $99

EXTRA WORKSHOP (1-5:30 pm, Friday April 27): Michael Hauge, $35

***

Doesn't this sound great????? Mark it on your calendars. It's a wonderful 2-day conference set in charming Salem, Massachusetts. Great schmoozing, great speakers, great martinis, and most importantly.....world-famous Penelope is giving her talk "Penelope Channels Miss Manners: How To Promote Yourself Without Peeving Everyone Off." You don't want to miss it!


Registration starts Dec. 1. I will post links when they are available.




Polishing her martini glass,
Penelope

Are You Trying To Kill Me?

I am continuing with the Cheapie/Freebie Reading Challenge. Whispering Rock, by Robyn Carr, was only $5.04 for Kindle. I loved the second book of this series, Shelter Mountain, so I thought I would give this one a try (it's #3).

Oh, Lord have mercy on my soul!

Within the first couple of chapters, there is a brutal rape and beating, then a teenage drugging and date rape, then a teenage pregnancy and miscarriage, and a couple of STDs thrown in for good measure.

.....curling......up.....in......fetal......position.......

Um.....um......must.....have......unicorns.....and.....rainbows......

DNF. Couldn't take it. I don't mind heavy stuff if it's interspersed with some hope, light, sweetness, and humor is especially good. This was way too much heavy stuff piled up on top of each other, with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Onto other topics....

* I discovered a new website called Lumberjack Erotica! (There's your unicorn, baby!). There is a lot of plaid, axes, and beardy dudes. Super epic win!

* Yesterday, my 8 year old daughter asked me how to do something on the computer. I wasn't sure. She called my son (14) who proceeded with this convoluted explanation...."Hit shift, then control, then command, then number four, then cut, then paste....." He lost me at "shift." Anyhoo, after he totally schooled me with his computer know-how, I tried to redeem myself by showing my daughter how to change fonts and colors on the document. She rolled her eyes at me and said in an exasperated voice, "Mom, I knew how to do that years ago." Well, okay then. I suck.

* For more unicorns, rainbows, and little green aliens, check out RJ Silver's new shop on his website. I especially love the Shlongdia shirts! Hee hee......

* And finally, Oskar Klaus and his brothers will be visiting my blog next week, to celebrate the ebook release of Sweet Magik. We will be giving away a copy of the book, as well as this adorable necklace (from Etsy! hee hee).....

Contest/giveaway and celebration with the Klaus Brothers will happen November 4th. Hope to see you there!


Believe (in Santa, in lumberjacks, in unicorns),
Penelope ❅☺☀♡❉✿

Good Coming And Going

I have one single goal for my weight loss now. 

It's not about trying to look good in a bikini. (Those days a longggggg over).

It's not about trying to fit into my old jeans. (I already fit into my old jeans).

It's not about buying some mini skirt with thigh high boots. (heee heeee)

It's about these pants. Carhartt pants. I want a pair of Carhartt pants.

You're probably thinking.....what the hell is wrong with Penelope? Why would she want a pair of work pants? Well, let me tell you a story.....

A long time ago when I was just a young whipper snapper, I went to grad school. Not for creative writing or landscape design or art history. I went to turf school. What is turf school? Well, I actually went to Cornell and got a masters degree in turfgrass science. There's a science to turfgrass? Well, evidently there is. On the positive side, I also got a degree in plant taxonomy and took all the hort sci classes I wanted to, got paid, and was lucky enough to live in Ithaca, NY, which is a fabulous place. On the down side, it was just me and 10,000 dudes wearing Carhartt pants. (Not a lot of women in the turfgrass industry). Nevertheless, I persevered, got an advanced degree, and developed a fondness for Carhartt pants. These pants are tough, rugged, and indestructible. They will survive a New England winter, a small weenie dog, and several rambunctious children. 

Most importantly, they look good coming and going....see Exhibit B......

There is nothing finer than a guy wearing a pair of Carhartt pants. And nothing cooler than a chick who can carry them off. Me! Me! I can do it!

If I can lose enough weight, I am convinced that I will be able to wear these pants and look totally bad-ass. Indestructible.

So, that's my goal. 

Some women might have a picture of a string bikini on their closet door to inspire them to lose weight. I have a picture of some Carhartt pants.

Dreaming of khaki,

Penelope

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself....

"All a writer really needs is people who read."

--Charles P. Pierce

Happy Sunday!

Penelope

Beard Of The Day

I thought it would be appropriate if today's beardy dude was inspired by a horror movie. I have been watching an incredible number of horror movies over the last couple of weeks. The Underworld series, in particular, is being shown repeatedly.

Lucian is a nice hairy Lycan, brought to life by the actor Michael Sheen. He is quite the bad-ass. Of course, his beard is nothing compared to his werewolf form.....

Now, that's hairy!


Hope everyone has a great weekend and enjoys the plethora of horror movies!
Penelope

Young At Heart

It's recently come to my attention that I appear to be the oldest living romance blogger on the face of the earth.

I just assumed that some of the "crew" were in the "40-something" range with me. Then I realized the "old guard" was actually in the 30-something range. And the "young guard" was in the 20-something range. And there were even youngsters who are only slightly older than my own children. There are some bloggers who were NOT EVEN BORN YET while I was wearing shoulder pads and dancing to Janet Jackson songs in high school.

I know that some of my friends ("contemporaries," if you will) consider my obsession with romantic fiction to be unsavory. Unbecoming of a woman of my age and station in life. They can't understand how an ivy league-educated scientist ended up reading romance novels and listening to Britney.

Well, either can I. Sometimes I feel my age when the young whipper-snapper bloggers are all chatting on twitter with their abbreviations that I totally don't understand. Many of them are still in school, still care about fashion accessories, and get the whole "Twilight" thing. I know I am sadly out of touch with this generation, but I refuse to go down without a fight.

I might not be the youngest, or the hippest (or even close to the hippest) romance blogger on the block, but at least I can still read! My eyes are showing some signs of fatigue, but they're still in working order.

Just so you know, I don't actually look like this.....

I actually look like this....

(I know, there's an actress who bears an uncanny likeness to me. Or so I've been told).

My point, after this rambling post, is that it doesn't really matter if you're young or old or look like Kate Beckinsale.

Reading romance will keep you young at heart. Forever.

(Especially if you're a vampire and you're immortal.)


With a spring in my step, and bifocals on the end of my nose,
Penelope

Just In Case There's Some Confusion...

Yesterday's post got me thinking. Maybe there is some confusion about "real men" vs. "weenies."

Just to clear up a few things, here is a handy-dandy directory for anyone at Harlequin who thinks a Blackberry-using, weenie executive is manly. Ready?

Real Man

Weenie Executive

Real Man

Weenie

Real Man In A Cowboy Hat

You Need More Than A Plaid Shirt, Dude. WAY more.

Real Man

Two Weenies

See Any Blackberries Here? Nope, Me Neither.

Any questions?

Sincerely,

Penelope

Hot Potato, Cold Potato: A Couple O' Reviews By Penelope

Last night I sucked down not one, but two short romance novels. (While my husband read about 14 pages of his "real" book.....sucker!). The first one was hot, short and sweet. The second one was a good example of why publishers need to pay attention to their cover art. It left me cold. (Hence the title of this post...Hot Potato, Cold Potato....get it? I came up with that one at about 4 am this morning. My insomnia problem continues).

Okay, here we go......

1. Hot Potato:

Hot As Hades by Alisha Rai

I don't expect the meaning of life when I read an erotica. But I do like some romance and humor thrown into a sexy story. This quick read by Rai is exactly how I like my erotica....fast-paced and hot! It's a fun, extremely sexy, mythologically-inspired quickie. And she does a fabulous job making us care about the characters in a short amount of time. She also manages to squeeze in some emotion and a sweet HEA. The sexy-hot meter on this one is in the Naga Viper chili pepper range (the world's hottest chili pepper, with a Scoville heat index of 1,382,118). Spicy, baby!

Loved this one! Grade: A-


2. Cold Potato:

Northern Fascination (Harlequin Blaze) by Jennifer LaBrecque

When a friend on Twitter saw this cover, she sent me a link. Alaskan setting, dude with a plaid shirt, ripped jeans, excellent scruffy beard, and a nice six-pack for good measure. The book blurb says he's a "geologist".....he sounds and looks like a rugged good time. Basically, my dream guy!

Unfortunately, this was a matter of false advertising, as well as a few other problems.....

1.) The hero is a weenie executive, not a rugged geologist. He is in Alaska to buy out the entire town for a mining venture.....to make money. This is the most asinine premise for a story ever.

2.) The heroine was grating.

3.) This book could have been set in any small town, anywhere. The Alaskan setting is completely ignored.

4.) The heroine is a 29 year old virgin who turns into a nymphomaniac.

5.) The best part of this book is the secondary storyline involving a shaman, which completely disappears at the end of the book with no resolution. WTF??

6.) There is a broken condom and an unplanned pregnancy. Of course! It's a freakin' Harly!

7.) The hero decides not to shave for ONE WHOLE DAY, and he feels all rugged and Alaska-y. One day? Are you crapping me? What, do you want a medal for that? One day's worth of stubble does not make you a mountain man, you executive weenie. For the love of God.....

8.) Nor does wearing some boots or a plaid shirt for one day. He was still using his Blackberry. Weenie!

9.) Funniest line ever.....right after the 29 year old virgin has sex for the first time, what does she say to the hero? "Oh my....That was better than masturbating in a hot tub." Haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Oh, snap! Because nothing jacks up a guy's ego more than kicking a hot tub's ass, for sure.

10.) At one point the heroine thinks "Way cool." Um, 29 or 13 years old? Way cool?

Sigh. If you promise me a plaid shirt-wearing, scruffy-faced rugged dude in Alaska, don't give me an executive weenie one step up from a hot tub. To be fair, if I didn't expect a mountain man story, I would say this was an okay, not great, read. It still had lots of problems (ridiculous story arc, unresolved secondary storyline, irksome H/h, overlooked Alaskan setting, etc etc).

Grade: C

So, one winner and one loser and I still beat my husband in the reading competition. What's next?

Penelope