Friday, June 7, 2013
Friday Medical Update
Patient: Penny Watson
Lungs: Bronchitis, severe cough. Sounds suspiciously like a seal barking. Or a walrus mating.
Back: Shingles. Symptoms include feeling like sharp ragged chunks of glass are stabbing her back. Patient intermittently cries out "Ow!" OH MY GOD!" and "Help me!" (Doctor's note: amusing).
Head: Large crusty patch of poison ivy on back of scalp. Extremely disgusting and off-putting.
Brain: Mentally incapacitated by numerous asinine physical ailments.
Mental State: Not "playing with a full deck" if you get my meaning.
Diagnosis: 85-year old woman trapped in a 46-year old woman's body.
Treatment: Vodka, watching horror movies on the syfy channel, and snuggling with weenie dog.
Concern: I'm worried body parts may start falling off, signalling the commencement of the zombie apocalypse.
Here's hoping that everyone has a healthy weekend! (Ow! OH MY GOD! Help me!)