Tuesday, October 29, 2013

In Search of Vanilla Menage: Good Luck With That!

Recently I had a conversation with some friends that went something like this...

Friend #1: "You should really read Book So-and-So. It's great!"

Me: "I can't. The hero is a man-ho. You know that's one of my no-no rules."

Another friend (#2): "How about this book? I loved it."

Me: "Nope. That has too much dark and disturbing material. Also on my list of rules."

Friend #3: "What about Book Blah Blah?"

Me: "Absolutely not. That breaks the rule about cheating and/or having sex with other partners while the story is happening. I don't care about their histories PRIOR to the book, but once you get on page one, all sexual activity must be limited to hero and heroine, including, but not pertaining exclusively to, dreams and fantasies."

Friends: Silence.

Friend #1: "You sure have a lot of rules."

Me: "No I don't!"

All friends simultaneously: "YES YOU DO!"

Me: "What? So I don't like man-hos, virgin heroes, alpha-holes, orgies, BDSM, fake BDSM, young adult, new adult, dark and disturbing topics like rape or violence, too-stupid-to-live heroines, plot-driven stories, huge info dumps, cheating, The Big Misunderstanding, billionaires, cougars, dark and angsty books, jump-the-shark plots, plot holes, gang-bangs, figging, flogging, anal sex, most contemporaries, and/or poorly written bearotica."


Me: "Fine. Maybe I have a lot of rules."

A few days later I complained about the lack of vanilla menages on Twitter. Jen Porter pointed out that most menage stories are erotica, and include many of the topics that make me squeamish.

I complained bitterly that there is not a sub-sub-sub-subgenre for "vanilla menage"....what if a nice little old granny in Vermont wanted to read a wholesome threesome?

Is that not possible?

Does back-door action ALWAYS have to be included in these stories?


Evidently it does. So, I'm still looking for my vanilla menage story that doesn't break any of my hard-and-fast rules. It ain't looking too good.

In the meantime, I'm re-reading Julie Garwood. (She doesn't break any of my rules.)

Starting the countdown until the INDIE AUTHOR SYMPOSIUM! Yee haw!