Monday, October 26, 2009

Klaus Brother's Invasion Week 1: Oskar Klaus

Howdy, everyone! I am back from a rocking New Jersey romance writer's conference. Had a most excellent time with The Quirky Ladies, met some new authors, listened to some cool workshops, drank an incredible mango cocktail, hung out in a bizarre lounge area decorated with lava lamps, a disco ball, leopard-skin pillows, and sequin-covered walls. I shit you not. (Photos at The Quirky Ladies.) And now I am happy to welcome Oskar Klaus, youngest brother of Nicholas Klaus (hero of my novel Sweet Inspiration) to Penelope's Romance Reviews. 

Yep, today is the beginning of the Klaus Brother's Invasion! For the next five Mondays, the Klaus boys (Oskar, Sven, Gregor, Wolfgang and Nicholas) will be entertaining us at Penelope's. For those of you who have missed my shameless self-promotion over the last six months, I am releasing my debut novel Sweet Inspiration in December. It's a light paranormal holiday romance, featuring the Klaus family in the North Pole. And each of the five Klaus brothers just happens to be hunkalicious. (Please refer to header photo of Oskar Klaus.) This isn't actually the perfect photo of Oskar since you can't see the dyed hair, Dr. Seuss hat, or his plethora of tats. (Hey, I just used plethora in a sentence. Do I get some sort of award?). Anyway, Oskar is the youngest of the Klaus brood, and he's pretty much a snowboard punk, and Director Of Elfin Resources at the pole. Please leave a comment for Oskar, since one lucky visitor will be winning an Amazon gift card. Oh, here he is now.....Woa! Nice hair. I've never actually seen that color of neon orange before.

Oskar: Thanks! It's my tribute to Halloween. 

[From Penelope: So you all get a nice visual, Oskar is wearing low-rider ripped up blue jeans, purple Doc Martens, an old T-shirt that says Drink Your Ovaltine!--with the sleeves pushed up so you can see his smokin' tats, cool mirrored Oakley sunglasses and his Dr. Seuss hat.]

Penelope: Well, thanks so much for stopping by. I know things must be getting a little nuts in the North Pole right about now. Cranking out millions of toys, keeping those rowdy elves in line...

Oskar: You got that right. The elves are driving me nuts this month. For some reason, they are on this Extreme Manhunt kick.

Pen: My 12 year old son loves to play that game! How exactly do you play Extreme Manhunt in the North Pole?

O: Probably the same way a bunch of twelve year old boys do. The elves dress up in black, run around Glasdorf with nerf guns, and shoot the crap out of each other. Well, your son probably doesn't get rip-roaring drunk at Dag's Bar first. And he probably uses a flashlight at night instead of sternschnuppen to light the way.

Pen: (FYI, Glasdorf is the town in the North Pole where Oskar and his family reside. And sternschnuppen is a kind of elfin magik that looks like tiny shooting stars.) Actually that sounds pretty fun, Oskar.

O: Yeah, it's all fun until someone falls off a roof into a huge snowdrift and breaks his back. Although I must admit I kicked some serious ass the last time we played. Won a bag of magik pebbles from Monie and the gang.

Pen: Well, other than participating in Elfin Extreme Manhunt, what's going on lately?

Oskar: Actually, I'm stoked to be here today. When I found out this is a book blog, I got really excited because I just recently finished this very cool book of Chinese poetry, and I can't wait to talk about it...

Pen: Woa....hold on there, buddy. Oskar, are you high?

O: Huh?

Pen: I haven't read a book of poetry since I was in middle school. Seriously. This is a romance blog. As in, romance novels.

O: What?!

Pen: I haven't read a non-romance book for at least 5 years, maybe longer.

O: (Raises left eyebrow mockingly.) Are you kidding me? Nothing else?

Pen: Nope.

O: How about a biography?

Pen: Nope.

O: Mystery?

Pen: Uh uh.

O: Jesus! (Scratches his head, removes Dr. Seuss hat, gives me a sly smile and a dimple pops out). I'll bet you've read your kids a Dr. Seuss book.

Pen: Ohhh, yeah. Got me. I do read children's books quite a bit. My favorite Dr. Seuss is Too Many Daves. You know..."Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave had 23 sons and she named them all Dave?"

O: (laughing) "Well, she did. And that wasn't a smart thing to do. You see, when she wants one and calls out 'Yoo-hoo! Come into the house, Dave!' she doesn't get one. All 23 Daves of hers come on the run!"

Pen: My daughter loves that one, too.

O: So do the elfin kids in Glasdorf.  But seriously, Pen, that is sick. I mean, there's a hell of a lot of cool books out there besides the bodice ripper variety.

Pen: Dude, no disparaging remarks about romance novels. Or you'll be eating your Seuss hat, got it? Anyway, how did a snowboarding punk get to be such a voracious reader?

O: Dude, no disparaging remarks about snowboard punks. 

Pen: Touché.

O: Honestly, unless you're an elf, Glasdorf can get a little bit boring. Reading was my favorite activity growing up. I read everything...biographies, travel books, horror, mystery, poetry, you name it. (Blushes). Maybe even a, um, you know....spicy bodice ripper-style, a couple of times.

Pen: (snickers) Well, well, well. So there's erotica in the North Pole, eh?

O: (rolls his eyes). Well, I managed to squeeze in some other activities besides reading, too. You know...snowboarding, taking Dad's sleigh out for joy rides, sneaking into Dag's bar for the pool tourney, ski-jumping, stuffing firecrackers down the chimney, and....

Pen: Oskar?

O: Yeah?

Pen: How many times did you get called before the Council Of Seven? [The Council Of Seven is the governing body of Glasdorf, composed of seven crotchety old elves.]

Oskar: Addendum to FYI..."composed of seven crotchety old elves who like to torture Oskar Klaus as much as humanly possible."

Pen: Now O, they are just doing their job. You're just too good at breaking the rules.

Oskar: Well, somebody's got to do it. 

Pen: So, snowboarding is your first love, right?

O: Hell, yeah. I'm planning an epic trip to Mammoth in a couple of weeks. Gonna sneak out and let Boris take over for a bit.

Pen: Who's Boris?

O: My assistant in Elfin Resources. Basically, if I get him a box of Cubans, he can be bribed to do just about anything. 

Sven: Yeah, like fix Dad's sleigh after Oskar smashed it into little bits.

Wolfgang: And miraculously produce a hot tub just when seventeen snow bunnies showed up at Oskar's condo for a party.

Sven: Oh yeah, remember when Boris told dad that Oskar had broken his leg that time he was in Vegas....

Oskar: Hey! First of all, get the hell out of here. Today is my day to host Penelope's. You have your own damned days later in the month. Second of all, shut the hell up. I'm sure Penelope does not want to hear about that trip to Vegas...

Pen: Hey Wolfie! Hi Sven. I would love to hear about Vegas. Sounds Vega-licious. Hee hee hee.

Oskar: Out! Now! Or I'll bring out those photos of Sven wearing his night brace and Wolfie hiking the Alps wearing lederhosen.

Wolfgang: (blanches) Shit. I thought I threw away all of those photos.

O: (smiles and raises an eyebrow) Nope. Mom has some stashed away for "safe-keeping."

Wolf: (salutes) I'm out of here. You know, plenty of people in Germany wear those things. It's not that weird if you're in Europe.

Sven: (staring at Wolfie as though he's lost his mind). O, you are a douche to bring up my night brace. Anyway, the ladies seem to like my smile, so I guess it turned out okay. (Sven and Wolfie bump fists and walk away, laughing).

O: (Shakes his head.) Anyway, like I was saying. Boris is a good guy. 

Pen: I know. He has some awesome scenes in the book I'm writing now, Sweet Magik. It's the second one of the Klaus Brother Series.

O: Why is Boris in Sweet Magik?

Pen: Because it's your story, Oskar.

O: Whaaaaat???!!!! You cannot be serious. But I'm the youngest brother. My story should be last. Why not Sven? Or Gregor? I'm not ready to settle down. Seriously. Big mistake. That's what happens, right? I get hooked up with some chick for life? Jesus, I think I need a beer.

Pen: It's only 8 am, too early for a beer. And quit being such a big baby. Your "chick" is beautiful, smart and extremely well read.

O: (perks up a bit) Really? Tell me more.

Pen: No way. Gotta wait until the book comes out, Christmas 2010. Well, gotta run and get the kiddies off to school. Why don't you hang out here and chat with my visitors. And no fooling around Penelope's website. If I find a review of Chinese poetry when I get back...

Oskar: (laughing) I swear I will refrain from posting poetry discussions while you're gone. Please leave a comment/question for me, since Pen will be choosing one lucky commenter to get an Amazon gift card. Thanks again, Penelope for having me over as a guest today.

Pen: Thanks, O!


Phoebe Jordan said...

Hey Oskar! I had the pleasure of reading an Advance Readers Copy of Nicholas' book Sweet Inspiration and had the pleasure of getting to know you a bit in it. I'm really excited about reading more about your family especially now that I have your book, Sweet Magik, to look forward to.

Now my question for you is how does it feel being the youngest Klaus brother?

Jessica said...

You've just made Mondays something to look forward to! Can't wait to 'chat' with the other brothers and, of course, to check out Sweet Inspiration in December!!

Tales of Whimsy said...

What fun! I'm printing this one out so I can read it more carefully.

Penny Watson said...

Oskar: Hey Phoebe! I have to be honest. I'm actually a little bit worried about the damned book Penelope is writing about me. I mean, I'm only 28 years old. Don't feel ready to settle down yet. I think Penny just wants to torture me because she's never been invited to one of my hot tub parties.

Pen: What!!!! Like I would EVER go to one of your stupid hot tub parties, Oskar. Dream on, bud.

Oskar: Phoebe, can you believe the hostility from her? She's obviously jealous. Good question about the youngest brother business. When I was growing up, it was great. My older brothers always busted me out of trouble. I got away with a lot of sh*t because I was the "youngest"...but now, well, sometimes (don't tell anyone this, okay?) I sort of wish I had more responsibility in Glasdorf. Being Director of Elfin Resources sometimes feels like I'm babysitting a bunch of drunken, rowdy elves.

Pen: Why, Oskar, you're not going to trade in your Seuss hat for a Brooks Brother's shirt are you?

Oskar: Hmmmm...don't think Brooks Brother's will go with the tats.

Penny Watson said...

Oskar: Jessica, seriously, my brothers can be a big pain in the ass. Gregor's doing next week, and he'll probably talk about the stock market or something like that. You might want to skip that one and just head to Starbuck's.

Gregor: Jessica, don't listen to O. You look like a woman who actually likes a man with his real hair color. I sort of miss your green hair, O. But the orange is good for Halloween.

O: Damn it! Penelope told me you guys were not allowed to show up today. Go home and play with your calculator, Greg.

Penny Watson said...

Oskar: Hi Juju! Cool name. But it's making think of jujubes candy, which is making me hungry. Hey, Pen, do you have any Halloween candy?

Pen: Well, about a week ago I had 14 bags. Today, there's 3 pieces at the bottom of the bowl.

Oskar: I'll take it! What's left?

Pen: My daughter's rejects. Knock yourself out.

Natascha said...

Hey O,

How does your mom keep all you boys in line? You guys sound like a rowdy bunch, especially you!

Penny Watson said...

Oskar: Natascha, You would be amazed. My mom is about 5 feet tall, and my brothers and I are all over 6'5". We basically tower over her. But all she had to do was give us the hairy eyeball when we effed up, and it was guilt-trip city. You know how moms are. Also, she sucks in the kitchen. When we were really bad she just had to threaten us with her lasagna and we would buck up in a jiffy. Thank God Nicholas is such a good cook. Otherwise we probably would have starved.

Mrs. Klaus: Not nice, Oskar Johann Klaus. You're getting coal in your stocking for that one, buster.

O: Mom! Hey, what are you doing here? Uhh, sorry about dinging your culinary skills. You're really good at making cold cereal.

Mrs. Klaus: Very funny. I just stopped by to show Penelope some of your baby pictures.

Pen: My favorite is Oskar in the sailor suit! Looking good!

Oskar: You're not showing her my naked baby pictures are you? I'll never live it down. She'll probably post them on her site for God's sake.

Pen: Don't worry, Oskar. Your mom and I are going out to Starbuck's for a pumpkin spice latte. See ya!

Mrs. Klaus: Bye honey! Have fun!

Kwana said...

Oh Oskar is very hot and cool. Fun interview!

Dalton Diaz said...

I can't wait to read Oskar's full story. I've had the pleasure of being teased with the beginning, and... Penny, where the hell is the rest? Oh, that's just mean!

Michelle Picard said...

Can you post another picture of you with the orange hair that shows off the tats while Penelope is not looking? She'll be gabbing away with your mom awhile at Starbucks if I know her. And don't worry about your brothers showing up for your gig. You'll have more than enough time on their weeks to crash their party and give them back some of what you got. Ah, sibling love. I can't wait to read your story. Tell Penelope to get busy. And don't worry about finding true love. It won't hurt. Much.

Penny Watson said...

Oskar: Well, hell-o Ladies! Kwana, You think I'm hot and cool simultaneously? Flattery will get you everywhere! Dalton, please don't hurry Penny along with the rest of my freakin' story. I'm enjoying my bachelor days way too much. Michelle, sorry, Pen won't let me post any other photos. You'll have to wait for the cover of Sweet Magik.

Pen: Michelle, you Quirky Ladies just told me I should torture my hero! More conflict! So I don't think you should be telling Oskar it won't hurt much. O, it WILL hurt. A lot. Hee hee....I am SO mean.....

Oskar: (looking pissed off). Great. Can't wait.

Victoria Morgan said...

Oskar, you're a man after my own heart -- I love to read anything and everything, too! Okay, maybe not Chinese poetry. You got me there. But everything else -- bring it on. But I do like the HEA in romance, and I can't wait to read about yours! Tell Penelope to hurry up and finish it. Perhaps give her some advice about what you like in a woman......

Penny Watson said...

Oskar: Hi Victoria. Penny told me you actually read books other than romance novels. It's a miracle. Could you please try to talk some sense into her? For some reason, she is reluctant to branch out and try anything other than the bodice rippers....

Pen: OS-KAR!!!! Do NOT use that term again!!!!!!

Oskar: Sor-ry. Cripes, you are sensitive. Vicki, you know what I mean. Anyhow, I have no idea what my "heroine" is going to be like, but you can let Penny know I dig sexy girls who love to ski, snowboard, live on the wild side, party in Vegas, did I mention really sexy? And.....

Pen: Haa haa haa...Oskar, you are going to freak when you see who I pair you with, Mr. Party-Meister.

Oskar: Damn. That does not sound good. You said she was beautiful, smart and extremely well read.

Pen: Yep. And that's all I'm saying.

Julie at Outlandish Dreaming said...

Oh Oskar - yoo hoo! Sorry I'm so late to the party - hope you're still around, I know how busy you are and all that, but I do have a question - you're so adorable and young! Such the gadabout and studly sportster - I can't imagine you actually getting serious for anyone! Do tell, what kind of girl do you look for - what would your perfect date be? What kind of girl do you think would be "the one?" (Not that I'm taking notes or anything...)

Penny Watson said...

Julie, Julie, Julie...still here. Penelope's kids are torturing me by forcing me to watch Hannah Montana. Great questions....perfect date: snowboarding by day, hot tub by moonlight. I like girls who are up for anything...skiing Big Sky, surfing Hanalei Bay, rock climbing Nutcracker, Yosemite Valley. Extreme sports, extreme sex....

Pen: Oh My God! Extreme sex????? Jesus H. Canola.

O: Julie, please ignore Penelope's outburst. I guess if I were looking for "the one" she would have to be fearless, adventurous, delicious. How 'bout that?

Susan Laura said...

Penelope and Oskar - Looking forward to these books!

Penny Watson said...

Pen: Hi Susan! Thanks for stopping by. Sweet Inspiration will be out 12-02-09 from The Wild Rose Press (it's an e-book). I am still writing Sweet Magik, which should be out sometime next holiday season (2010).

Oskar: Susan, you can get to know all of my brothers in Sweet Inspiration, even though it is Nicholas' story. He's my oldest brother and an incredible pastry chef.

Phoebe Jordan said...

Hey Oskar I have another questions for you. Now that your oldest brother Nicholas is married, do you feel like the clock is ticking for you and your other single brothers to find your soul mates and get married?

Because Penny is already working on your HEA which I'm sure ends with you marrying your soul mate.

Penny Watson said...

Oskar: Hi Phoebe...honestly, I'm not interested in settling down right now. Having way too much fun being a bachelor. I find it hard to believe that Penny is hooking me up with some chick for life. In fact, I'm hoping to convince her to write Sven's story instead of mine, buy me some more time!

Pen: Too bad, O. Sweet Magik is already being written, and you are the star of the show, bad boy.

Phoebe Jordan said...

LOL, Penny. I'm sure once Oskar meets his "chick" he will be glad that you set him up with her for life. They will probably be so happy it will make us a bit queasy to read about.

Penelope said...

Oskar: Phoebe, It's making me queasy just thinking about getting hitched. I think I might need to borrow some of Penelope's prilosec stash.

Penny Watson said...

Penelope: Jessica, congrats! You won the contest and will be receiving a gift card from Amazon. Thanks to everyone for stopping by and visiting with Oskar!