Monday, October 26, 2009

Klaus Brother's Invasion Week 1: Oskar Klaus

Howdy, everyone! I am back from a rocking New Jersey romance writer's conference. Had a most excellent time with The Quirky Ladies, met some new authors, listened to some cool workshops, drank an incredible mango cocktail, hung out in a bizarre lounge area decorated with lava lamps, a disco ball, leopard-skin pillows, and sequin-covered walls. I shit you not. (Photos at The Quirky Ladies.) And now I am happy to welcome Oskar Klaus, youngest brother of Nicholas Klaus (hero of my novel Sweet Inspiration) to Penelope's Romance Reviews. 

Yep, today is the beginning of the Klaus Brother's Invasion! For the next five Mondays, the Klaus boys (Oskar, Sven, Gregor, Wolfgang and Nicholas) will be entertaining us at Penelope's. For those of you who have missed my shameless self-promotion over the last six months, I am releasing my debut novel Sweet Inspiration in December. It's a light paranormal holiday romance, featuring the Klaus family in the North Pole. And each of the five Klaus brothers just happens to be hunkalicious. (Please refer to header photo of Oskar Klaus.) This isn't actually the perfect photo of Oskar since you can't see the dyed hair, Dr. Seuss hat, or his plethora of tats. (Hey, I just used plethora in a sentence. Do I get some sort of award?). Anyway, Oskar is the youngest of the Klaus brood, and he's pretty much a snowboard punk, and Director Of Elfin Resources at the pole. Please leave a comment for Oskar, since one lucky visitor will be winning an Amazon gift card. Oh, here he is now.....Woa! Nice hair. I've never actually seen that color of neon orange before.

Oskar: Thanks! It's my tribute to Halloween. 

[From Penelope: So you all get a nice visual, Oskar is wearing low-rider ripped up blue jeans, purple Doc Martens, an old T-shirt that says Drink Your Ovaltine!--with the sleeves pushed up so you can see his smokin' tats, cool mirrored Oakley sunglasses and his Dr. Seuss hat.]

Penelope: Well, thanks so much for stopping by. I know things must be getting a little nuts in the North Pole right about now. Cranking out millions of toys, keeping those rowdy elves in line...

Oskar: You got that right. The elves are driving me nuts this month. For some reason, they are on this Extreme Manhunt kick.

Pen: My 12 year old son loves to play that game! How exactly do you play Extreme Manhunt in the North Pole?

O: Probably the same way a bunch of twelve year old boys do. The elves dress up in black, run around Glasdorf with nerf guns, and shoot the crap out of each other. Well, your son probably doesn't get rip-roaring drunk at Dag's Bar first. And he probably uses a flashlight at night instead of sternschnuppen to light the way.

Pen: (FYI, Glasdorf is the town in the North Pole where Oskar and his family reside. And sternschnuppen is a kind of elfin magik that looks like tiny shooting stars.) Actually that sounds pretty fun, Oskar.

O: Yeah, it's all fun until someone falls off a roof into a huge snowdrift and breaks his back. Although I must admit I kicked some serious ass the last time we played. Won a bag of magik pebbles from Monie and the gang.

Pen: Well, other than participating in Elfin Extreme Manhunt, what's going on lately?

Oskar: Actually, I'm stoked to be here today. When I found out this is a book blog, I got really excited because I just recently finished this very cool book of Chinese poetry, and I can't wait to talk about it...

Pen: Woa....hold on there, buddy. Oskar, are you high?

O: Huh?

Pen: I haven't read a book of poetry since I was in middle school. Seriously. This is a romance blog. As in, romance novels.

O: What?!

Pen: I haven't read a non-romance book for at least 5 years, maybe longer.

O: (Raises left eyebrow mockingly.) Are you kidding me? Nothing else?

Pen: Nope.

O: How about a biography?

Pen: Nope.

O: Mystery?

Pen: Uh uh.

O: Jesus! (Scratches his head, removes Dr. Seuss hat, gives me a sly smile and a dimple pops out). I'll bet you've read your kids a Dr. Seuss book.

Pen: Ohhh, yeah. Got me. I do read children's books quite a bit. My favorite Dr. Seuss is Too Many Daves. You know..."Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave had 23 sons and she named them all Dave?"

O: (laughing) "Well, she did. And that wasn't a smart thing to do. You see, when she wants one and calls out 'Yoo-hoo! Come into the house, Dave!' she doesn't get one. All 23 Daves of hers come on the run!"

Pen: My daughter loves that one, too.

O: So do the elfin kids in Glasdorf.  But seriously, Pen, that is sick. I mean, there's a hell of a lot of cool books out there besides the bodice ripper variety.

Pen: Dude, no disparaging remarks about romance novels. Or you'll be eating your Seuss hat, got it? Anyway, how did a snowboarding punk get to be such a voracious reader?

O: Dude, no disparaging remarks about snowboard punks. 

Pen: Touché.

O: Honestly, unless you're an elf, Glasdorf can get a little bit boring. Reading was my favorite activity growing up. I read everything...biographies, travel books, horror, mystery, poetry, you name it. (Blushes). Maybe even a, um, you know....spicy bodice ripper-style, a couple of times.

Pen: (snickers) Well, well, well. So there's erotica in the North Pole, eh?

O: (rolls his eyes). Well, I managed to squeeze in some other activities besides reading, too. You know...snowboarding, taking Dad's sleigh out for joy rides, sneaking into Dag's bar for the pool tourney, ski-jumping, stuffing firecrackers down the chimney, and....

Pen: Oskar?

O: Yeah?

Pen: How many times did you get called before the Council Of Seven? [The Council Of Seven is the governing body of Glasdorf, composed of seven crotchety old elves.]

Oskar: Addendum to FYI..."composed of seven crotchety old elves who like to torture Oskar Klaus as much as humanly possible."

Pen: Now O, they are just doing their job. You're just too good at breaking the rules.

Oskar: Well, somebody's got to do it. 

Pen: So, snowboarding is your first love, right?

O: Hell, yeah. I'm planning an epic trip to Mammoth in a couple of weeks. Gonna sneak out and let Boris take over for a bit.

Pen: Who's Boris?

O: My assistant in Elfin Resources. Basically, if I get him a box of Cubans, he can be bribed to do just about anything. 

Sven: Yeah, like fix Dad's sleigh after Oskar smashed it into little bits.

Wolfgang: And miraculously produce a hot tub just when seventeen snow bunnies showed up at Oskar's condo for a party.

Sven: Oh yeah, remember when Boris told dad that Oskar had broken his leg that time he was in Vegas....

Oskar: Hey! First of all, get the hell out of here. Today is my day to host Penelope's. You have your own damned days later in the month. Second of all, shut the hell up. I'm sure Penelope does not want to hear about that trip to Vegas...

Pen: Hey Wolfie! Hi Sven. I would love to hear about Vegas. Sounds Vega-licious. Hee hee hee.

Oskar: Out! Now! Or I'll bring out those photos of Sven wearing his night brace and Wolfie hiking the Alps wearing lederhosen.

Wolfgang: (blanches) Shit. I thought I threw away all of those photos.

O: (smiles and raises an eyebrow) Nope. Mom has some stashed away for "safe-keeping."

Wolf: (salutes) I'm out of here. You know, plenty of people in Germany wear those things. It's not that weird if you're in Europe.

Sven: (staring at Wolfie as though he's lost his mind). O, you are a douche to bring up my night brace. Anyway, the ladies seem to like my smile, so I guess it turned out okay. (Sven and Wolfie bump fists and walk away, laughing).

O: (Shakes his head.) Anyway, like I was saying. Boris is a good guy. 

Pen: I know. He has some awesome scenes in the book I'm writing now, Sweet Magik. It's the second one of the Klaus Brother Series.

O: Why is Boris in Sweet Magik?

Pen: Because it's your story, Oskar.

O: Whaaaaat???!!!! You cannot be serious. But I'm the youngest brother. My story should be last. Why not Sven? Or Gregor? I'm not ready to settle down. Seriously. Big mistake. That's what happens, right? I get hooked up with some chick for life? Jesus, I think I need a beer.

Pen: It's only 8 am, too early for a beer. And quit being such a big baby. Your "chick" is beautiful, smart and extremely well read.

O: (perks up a bit) Really? Tell me more.

Pen: No way. Gotta wait until the book comes out, Christmas 2010. Well, gotta run and get the kiddies off to school. Why don't you hang out here and chat with my visitors. And no fooling around Penelope's website. If I find a review of Chinese poetry when I get back...

Oskar: (laughing) I swear I will refrain from posting poetry discussions while you're gone. Please leave a comment/question for me, since Pen will be choosing one lucky commenter to get an Amazon gift card. Thanks again, Penelope for having me over as a guest today.

Pen: Thanks, O!