Tuesday, October 29, 2013

In Search of Vanilla Menage: Good Luck With That!


Recently I had a conversation with some friends that went something like this...


Friend #1: "You should really read Book So-and-So. It's great!"

Me: "I can't. The hero is a man-ho. You know that's one of my no-no rules."

Another friend (#2): "How about this book? I loved it."

Me: "Nope. That has too much dark and disturbing material. Also on my list of rules."

Friend #3: "What about Book Blah Blah?"

Me: "Absolutely not. That breaks the rule about cheating and/or having sex with other partners while the story is happening. I don't care about their histories PRIOR to the book, but once you get on page one, all sexual activity must be limited to hero and heroine, including, but not pertaining exclusively to, dreams and fantasies."

Friends: Silence.

Friend #1: "You sure have a lot of rules."

Me: "No I don't!"

All friends simultaneously: "YES YOU DO!"

Me: "What? So I don't like man-hos, virgin heroes, alpha-holes, orgies, BDSM, fake BDSM, young adult, new adult, dark and disturbing topics like rape or violence, too-stupid-to-live heroines, plot-driven stories, huge info dumps, cheating, The Big Misunderstanding, billionaires, cougars, dark and angsty books, jump-the-shark plots, plot holes, gang-bangs, figging, flogging, anal sex, most contemporaries, and/or poorly written bearotica."

Friends: ALL RISE EYEBROWS ACCUSINGLY

Me: "Fine. Maybe I have a lot of rules."

A few days later I complained about the lack of vanilla menages on Twitter. Jen Porter pointed out that most menage stories are erotica, and include many of the topics that make me squeamish.

I complained bitterly that there is not a sub-sub-sub-subgenre for "vanilla menage"....what if a nice little old granny in Vermont wanted to read a wholesome threesome?

Is that not possible?

Does back-door action ALWAYS have to be included in these stories?

Sigh.

Evidently it does. So, I'm still looking for my vanilla menage story that doesn't break any of my hard-and-fast rules. It ain't looking too good.

In the meantime, I'm re-reading Julie Garwood. (She doesn't break any of my rules.)



Starting the countdown until the INDIE AUTHOR SYMPOSIUM! Yee haw!

Penny


16 comments:

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

You make a valid point. Good luck. Let us know if you find one.

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

Penny! Check it out: https://www.etsy.com/listing/167213316/lumberjack-cologne-mens-fragrance
Have you seen it before or tried it?

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

Just for you, I'll try writing a vanilla menage. Not sure how well it will work (especially given that I'm not especially vanilla) but hey, everyone needs a challenge.

Donna said...

Okay, you forget about some of the most known vanilla menage out there. They fall complete all of your rules. "The Three Little Pigs" "Goldilocks and three little bears" I view Goldi as the villain. These stories are very vanilla. No back door except for the one that gets blown down by a wolf.

Good, luck on a traditional human, vanilla menage.

Donna

Tasha Brandstatter said...

You could always write a vanilla menage book. :)

jessigage said...

You can't go wrong with Julie Garwood.

Penelope said...

Juju, no luck yet.

Penelope said...

Juju! I have seen lumberjack-scented soaps and beard oil, etc at Etsy, but never this one.

It says it has a warm, woodsy masculine scent! Hee!

Penelope said...

Teresa...I'm just looking for a good, old-fashioned love story. With three people. And no bum-love. :^)

Penelope said...

Donna, good point. The original menage stories!

Penelope said...

Tasha...I'm thinking of writing a wild turkey shape-shifter menage story. :^)

Penelope said...

Jessi...Julie Garwood fits my entire list of criteria perfectly. She's the BIG WINNER!

Julia Barrett said...

I plan to write one. Wait and see. Or wait and read. :)

Julia Barrett said...

And I love and respect your rules!

Penelope said...

Julia...Ohhhhhhhh. You're going to write one! Can't wait!

Penelope said...

Update: I finally found one!

http://www.pennyromance.com/2013/10/happy-halloween.html