I got my hair cut yesterday! I know. It's a bloody bloomin' miracle. About eight inches chopped off the bottom. Don't worry. It's still big and imbued with all its magical powers. Just shorter and not prone to dreadlocks. Because nothing says LOSER quite like a suburban soccer mom with dreads.
Penny, I think it's time for a haircut! WHERE ARE YOUR EYES?
As I stared at myself in the mirror, I had an epiphany!
OH MY GOD! MY LONG-LOST IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER IS NAOMI WATTS!
It's true. If I were just a wee bit taller, thinner, richer, more elegant, an actress, married to Liev Schreiber, more glamorous, had nicer clothes, a successful Hollywood career, no wrinkles, a perfect body, 20/20 vision, and perfect straight white teeth, I would totally look like her.
Okay, off to do the laundry! (Also if I had laundry service, etc.)