I got my hair cut yesterday! I know. It's a bloody bloomin' miracle. About eight inches chopped off the bottom. Don't worry. It's still big and imbued with all its magical powers. Just shorter and not prone to dreadlocks. Because nothing says LOSER quite like a suburban soccer mom with dreads.
As I stared at myself in the mirror, I had an epiphany!
OH MY GOD! MY LONG-LOST IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER IS NAOMI WATTS!