Thursday, August 2, 2012

Penny Watson, Worst Cook In The World


Cooking in the summer is usually pretty easy. Slap something on the grill. You're good to go.

My husband calls on his way home from work. He'll say "What's for dinner?" And I'll say "Um..." (me frantically looking around the kitchen)...."grilled chicken and veggies?" And he'll say "Is it done yet?" And I'll say, "It'll be done by the time you get home."

And in 20 minutes, I've thrown chicken cutlets in a ziplock bag with some salad dressing for a quick marinade, chopped up the veggies and threaded them onto skewers and popped open the bag of prepared greens. Grill it all up, throw it in a bowl.

Done!

He walks in the door 20 minutes later and says "You just made this one second ago, didn't you?" And I'll be standing there, looking all frazzled, and say "No. What makes you think that?"

Anyhoo, this week I decided to get fancy-pants with my meals. I used.....recipes!


Day 1: Monday

Penny attempts to make a Greek salad with grilled Greek shrimp. She makes a Greek salad with romaine lettuce, cukes, tomatoes, feta cheese, Kalamata olives, etc. The shrimp are drizzled with the home-made Greek dressing briefly before grilling.

Outcome: The feta cheese has no flavor, the home-made Greek salad dressing sucks and the shrimp are completely tasteless. Like little bits of cardboard.

Grade: F

Hubby: (chewing thoughtfully on shrimp)....."Did you marinate these?"

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Day 2: Tuesday

Determined to redeem herself after Monday's fiasco, Penny attempts Recipe #2, Japanese Noodle Salad with Ginger Dressing. She uses udon noodles, lots of fresh veggies, and has some chicken to throw on the grill for her carnivorous hubby.

Preparation takes a longgggggg time. She has to freshly grate the ginger, chop tons of veggies, get out every bottle of Asian sauce in her cabinet.

She cooks the udon noodles according to the directions: for 10 minutes. As hubby walks through the door, she is tossing the noodles with the sauce and toppings. She takes a bite and screams "Oh my God! This sucks! The noodles are totally over-cooked! They are mush! MUSH!"

Hubby takes one bite of noodles and says "Well, at least we still have the chicken. Let me cook that."

Outcome: Noodles dumped into the garbage can. Hubby's chicken is edible.

Grade: F

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Day 3: Wednesday

Incredibly delicious sushi from the Japanese restaurant down the street. (Hubby's idea)

Outcome: Best meal of the week.

Grade: A

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Day 4: Thursday

I know what you're thinking. For the love of God, get a pizza! 

Haaaaa...that's funny.

But seriously, I'm going with my old standby, never-fail, grilled salmon dinner. AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, THIS MEAL IS NOT GOING TO SUCK!

My attempt for this evening will be grilled salmon, couscous with veggies, and an herb salad. (I'll let you know if we end up getting pizza).

Hoping that my culinary luck is about to change,
Penelope

14 comments:

lemonverbenalady said...

Hey honey, I grew up with Swanson TV dinners at times so I'm right there with you! Deep breath. I love grilled salmon and couscous you can't screw it up! xxoo Nancy

Jacqueline Howett said...

Hi Pene,

Good and healthy salmon and Couscous.

Thanks for the reminder of couscous for my shopping list.


I was quite a gourmet cook once. Now on some nights I will have a micro wave TV dinner, or a chimichunga, or micrwave hot spicy sausage sandwich

or a microwave bacon sandwich BLT

I'm mostly a healthy cook and eater, but sometimes I just don't feel like cooking at all.

I'm usually fish, veges and fruit.



Here's a tip or two for lazy cooking. Hamburgers are easy.

lay tin foil into a square tin foil pan, create a hamburger with oregano, pepper and dash of salt and paprika, broil in oven. Turn when one side is browned good.

Throw away tin foil in trash, re-use foil pan.

Toast bread and add mayo/ketchup or mustard/ lettuce, tomatoe or nothing. Optional: jallapeno, etc., cheece.


or eat with
instant mash potato in micorwave, (hot water and butter, salt)or a real spud.

steam a vege in a little water, microwave them with a dash of water for a five min.


My mother showed me how to cook in one pot,

to meat or fish add carrots, celery and onion. optional : tomatoe sauce and herbs.

Always boil up a dozen eggs and have them sit in the fridge in a bowl to crack any time to eat whole for protein or make a sandwich with mayo and a dash of mustard.

Tonight I'm having fish garlic soup in tomato sauce. (one pot).
Drop fish in boiling water or chicken or vege broth towards end.Letting the garlic cook first. salt/Pepper. herbs and hot spice optional.


A simple microwave sweet potatoe is also good for you. Just prog it with slits or holes.

Wrapping plain spuds in microwave with a wet towel keeps the potatoe moist.

pasta you can add some parmeson cheece and milk salt and pepper and oregano, or just go tomatoe base instead.

or if you really want it just creamy with no parmeson, just add onion and chives cream cheece.

The kitchen in the end has its basic recipes one does over and over I find.

Lately, I have been doing the uncle bens minute bag rice in the microwave for brown rice. Oh so lazy, but I eat in a minute. sometimes just adding a tin of salmon and some cooked brocolli or other veges to it.


Gee did I really say all this?
Have a great week!

Julia Barrett said...

Oh, you and Scarlet! As God is my witness...
It'll be great. I know you can do salmon.
Check back later. I'll be posting my Fake Beef and Broccoli recipe. All yours. Turned out good!

Penelope said...

Hi Nancy! We used to eat those TV dinners, too. I can't buy any of those now, not even the Lean Cuisine ones because they all have too much sodium and sugar.

Salmon for the win!

Penelope said...

Hi Jacqueline! I love the idea of having hard cooked eggs in the fridge for snax....we do that a lot. And I love having a baked potato w/ broccoli and cheese. Trader Joes has brown rice in little bags that cook up in 3 minutes in the microwave...super convenient. Thanks for all the cooking ideas! :^)

Penelope said...

Hi Julia....fake beef and broccoli? Interesting.....

Tom Stronach said...

I don't believe a word of it you are an author and you have just made all of that up to entertain us your devoted and adoring readers...

Every night when hubby comes home you serve him up a perfectly good and nutritious meal on bone china with silver service while wearing your tiara and a pinny

xxxxx

Geekamicus said...

I think that comment made me fall in love with Tom.

Anyway... I learned how to cook in Italy. Then I moved to the mountains. Can I figure out what kind of complex chemistry and physics are involved in high altitude? Nooooo. My cakes burn, my pots boil over and my husband thinks I can't cook. He grills or we eat out. A lot.

I think it's better that way.

Tasha B. said...

So... where did you get these recipes? ;) I was happy to hear the salmon turned out!

Penelope said...

Tom....HAAAAAA!!!!!!

OK. You're right about the tiara. ;^)

Penelope said...

Geek.....You learned how to cook in Italy? Come on over!!!! I LOVE Italian food!

Penelope said...

Tasha....I have a lot of salad recipe books....I think the one I used was Raising the Salad Bar. Just goes to show...even salads can be screwed up. If you're me.

Steph from fangswandsandfairydust.com said...

I can't remember what we had for dinner. hmmm

Penelope said...

Steph....I have nights like that. Especially after 1/2 a bottle of wine....!!!!!