Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Wacky Wednesday



Sometimes I think my life might be an episode of the Twilight Zone. Here are some insane things I've seen in the last couple of weeks....

1.) Heading on an author's website...."If You Like "So-N-So" Author, Then You'll Love Me!" That's right. Her whole branding concept was copying someone else. Are you kidding me?

2.) Author photo at Goodreads.....totally, completely, unequivocally buck naked. Uh huh. Someone used a nude photo as her "head shot." Sigh. Even if you write erotica, you don't need to be a porn star. That's taking branding just a bit too far. Just saying.

3.) An author who has a paypal button on her website for "donations to a struggling writer." Just in case you want to donate money to a stranger for no good reason except she is a writer who, evidently, doesn't think she's making enough money. Now excuse me while I go stand outside on the street corner with my tin cup.

4.) Note to authors: Promo is YOUR responsibility, not mine. Quit asking me to "like" you on Facebook, rate you on Amazon, etc. If someone leaves a review or rating or whatever, that's great. But asking your readers to do stuff for you in order to promote your books is totally uncool. Not their responsibility. YOUR responsibility.

5.) This is so gross, I can barely type it. Uh...uh....I saw an author bio at Amazon where the woman discusses....uh....uh....masturbating....while she writes. *falls over in a faint*

6.) *revives self with enormous cup of coffee* I'm back! My new favorite observation at twitter: Folks promoting their Christmas books with the #BDSM hashtag. Coz nothing says "sacred religious holiday" like some spanky time. (I'm waiting for the #Ho tag).

7.) Sweet Magik is currently #1 on the fairy tale romance bestseller list at Bookstrand. The overall bestseller list is all erotica. And not just erotica. Erotica with MMMFMMMMMM and MMFFFFFMMMMFFFFMMMM and....oh nevermind...you get the idea. I guess the new attitude in erotica is....The More, The Merrier! The titles have words like "hogtying," "overexposed," "master," "bikers," and "raw." I think the only way my little Christmas book has any chance of getting on their bestseller list is if I change the title to "Hogtying An Elf." Which isn't going to happen any time soon.

8.) And to cleanse your palate of all these unsavory bits, here is an adorable photo of a weenie dog pup...


Feel better? I sure do!

Penelope

19 comments:

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

Whoa.
I'm speechless.
You are so right!
Beggars, masturbaters, and exhibitionist oh my!
Hold it back girls.
Hold it back!

Number 7 was my fav part.
Wahoooooooooo!

Penelope said...

Hee heeee....hi Juju! My favorite part is the weenie dog pup! Thanks, hon! :^)

Bex said...

I think of you as the go-to gal for promotion. Sounds like these folks could benefit from your workshop! I wonder if their efforts translate into sales?!

Penelope said...

Hi Bex! That's a good question. I guess if you are selling "porn" then having nude photos and inappropriate bios/branding would be okay. If you are trying to market yourself as a real "author" then it might be a good idea to put a shirt on. Maybe these gals are laughing all the way to the (naked) bank.

KB/KT Grant said...

Aww weeinie dog!

As for the others... WTF?

Kudos to you. You go girl!

Penelope said...

Thanks, Kate! My dog Lucy looked like this when she was a pup....so cute!

JenM said...

Puppy! Want puppy! Allergic to dogs, but still, Want puppy!

KMont said...

All this has bwaahaaaaa! Except for the pup, which has aaaawwwww. :D

Seriously I can't stop bwahahaha-ing.

Penelope said...

Oh, Jen..I'm so sorry you're allergic to dogs...that sucks! My dog is the best....she is just a snuggle bucket of pure love!

Penelope said...

Yes, KMont....there is some weird stuff going on out there. Naked weird stuff.

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

My favorite part is the weenie dog too, her and your sales ranking! Wonder how many men a single woman can accommodate at one time? Let's see, three orifices, two hands, two feet...do armpits count? Under the chin maybe?
Yes Penny, what you said - all of it. Every single little bit. I do love your goodrants!
Ooh, now that's new blog name!

Nina Pierce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nina Pierce said...

"Coz nothing says "sacred religious holiday" like some spanky time." Seriously, your posts should come with a *spew alert*. I'm currently cleaning tea off my monitor. Great post as always, Penelope.

(And sorry about the previous comment. It didn't like the way I tried to quote you.)

Penelope said...

Yes, Julia....I was thinking the same thing. I'm wondering if everyone has to get in on the action simultaneously, or if folks need to be patient and wait their turn. That sure seems like a lot of people to accommodate at the same time.

Penelope said...

Hi Nina! I make fun of those spanky books, and yet I am still reading them. As long as there is love with the spanking, I'm fine with it. ;^)

Amber Skyze said...

Oh my...hmmmm, yup I'm speechless.

Congrats to you and cute pic.

Dead Trees and Silver Screens said...

Oh my gosh! It is amazing what people will say!

I just want to say that I read Sweet Inspiration and LOVED it. I wrote a review for it on my blog if you'd like to see it. I learned about your book from reading JuJu's blog! I haven't bought Sweet Magik yet but I will and I am sure I will love it too.

http://deadtreesandsilverscreens.blogspot.com/

Linz said...

You had me at #Ho tag! So funny! :)

Penelope said...

Thanks, Amber!

Dead Trees and Silver Screens....OK....I cannot thank you enough for that great review! I was having a really bad day and that just perked me right up! Thanks a ton! I'm adding you onto my blogroll!

Linz....let's start the #ho tag....come on!