Thursday, October 27, 2011

I'm Not Going To Die? Well, Hell



I made a startling discovery this week. I've spent the last 14 months thinking that I could keel over and die at any moment. Even though I "recovered" from my heart attack, lost 40 pounds, take all my meds, reversed my diabetes diagnosis, and walk 2 hours a day, I was still paranoid. I was living in "survivor mode." Every day was about staying alive. Exercise, meds, strict diet, low stress.

This week I realized I'm not going to die.

Well, hell. Now what do I do?

Seriously.

Survivor mode was actually pretty easy. You just take it day by day. "I'm Not Gonna Die" mode is much more complicated. I have to think about the future. What are my career plans? Travel plans? Where should I live, what should I do, does my ass look good in these Carhartts? (the answer to that last question is yes!)

So, I am feeling somewhat discombobulated right now. This is not an easy transition. I have a lot of ideas floating around in my brain, and somehow I need to settle them down and work out a plan of action.

First on the list is to decide which WIP to finish. I have 4 on the back-burner, and 3 new story ideas that popped up in the last several weeks just to torture me. Cripes.

In the meantime, I just started reading The Blond Leading The Blond....a cute, well-written mystery by Jayne Ormerod.

So, for today's to-do list I have.....

1. Do laundry
2. Water plants
3. Figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life

It's gonna be a fun day!
Penelope

16 comments:

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

What do you do know? Enjoy :) Sounds cheesy but life is a gift. So maybe once a year you should set out to do something daring and different.

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

No matter what, you'll do great. :)
Congratulations :)

Penelope said...

Thanks, Juju! I love the idea of doing something different every year. I would love to travel to a new, exotic place every year, but I'm still a little bit afraid of being too far away from a cardiac hospital. (Paranoia is hard to shake!) I think I'll start with the glass-blowing workshop! Baby steps! Next, I'll conquer the world. Woo hoo! :^)

Amber Skyze said...

We're glad you're not going to die. Just enjoy everyday, though I'm sure you are.

Penelope said...

Hi Amber! Me too...hee hee!

Geekamicus said...

Don't get cocky or anything. Look both ways before you cross the street.

(Have you seen the great new Carhartts commercial? Very rugged.)

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

What do you want to be when you grow up? You can return to asking that question, I guess. My answers?
1. Get the DVDs of Firefly.
2. Get the DVDs of BSG.
3. Watch Dodgeball, Three Days of the Condor, Frequency and Enemy of the State.
4. Become a fan of The Big Bang Theory.
5. Reread Linda Howard's best books and KMM before she went all Dark Fever on our asses.
6. Come visit me so we can get all existential together while drinking a shitload of fabulous wine!
It's okay to allow yourself to have a future. It's the same kind of adjustment you had to make when you were scared to death you wouldn't have a future. This too shall pass.

Penelope said...

@Geek...."Don't get cocky, kid!".....Love that line from Star Wars! In fact, all of life's most important lessons can be learned from Star Wars. Maybe I'll go watch it tonight!

Gotta go look for the new Carhartt ad.....

Penelope said...

Hi Julia.....I LOVE #6!!!!! I'll be there tomorrow! :^)

The Big Bang Theory is ridiculously funny. I need to watch that more often. When is it on again?

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

It's on tonight, girl! Sooner for you than for me.

heidenkind said...

I think you should go to the zoo. I LOVE the zoo. :)

Penelope said...

Heidenkind.....Our zoo in Boston sort of sucks. (One time the alpha male gorilla escaped from the pen! That was exciting!) But the aquarium is awesome. Good plan! I'll add it onto my to-do list.

Steph from fangswandsandfairydust.com said...

hey Penelope and Julia, can I come too? Me and my cancer-free leg can go anywhere! As long as I wear sun block. Or, meet in Vegas, or Chi.

Penelope said...

It's a party! I am personally pulling for the beach shacks in Key West, with the bearded cabana boys. But that's just me.

Steph.....glad to hear "cancer-free"....that's good!

Lindsay Kiernan said...

When you know that life really is precious it is so hard to figure out how not to 'waste' it. There are a million things that it always seems like we need to get done. That's when I take a breath and do something utterly fun and frivolous like go outside and look at leaves. Life isn't just about what we've accomplished but the fact that we enjoyed it. Seems to me that you are doing pretty well! Congrats on not being about to die!

Penelope said...

Thanks, Lindsay. I like your attitude about "fun"! Should be number one on my to-do list every day!