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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

"How To Walk A Weenie Dog" by Penelope



1. Announce you are going for a walk. Use your "stern" voice.

2. Lucy runs away and hides.

3. Find Lucy hiding in the bedroom. Attach leash.

4. Lucy rolls over on her back.

5. Drag Lucy through the house on her back, effectively using her as a mop. Make sure to get dust in the kitchen.

6. Attempt to pull Lucy out the door.  

7. Once you accept the fact that the dog will not roll over, lift her in your arms.

8. Walk for approximately 40 ft, then put weenie dog on the sidewalk and say "Time to walk, Lucy." Again, use "stern" voice.

9. Lucy sits down on sidewalk.

10. Lift dog and carry for 40 more feet. Lucy closes eyes and gets in a quick nap.

11. Put weenie dog on sidewalk and tug gently on leash. Try embarrassing her. "You are the laziest-ass dog in the world!"

12. Dog lies down on sidewalk.

13. Do not give up! Carry dog for 40 more feet. Put her down. Jog in place. Say, "Doesn't this look fun? Let's walk!"

14. Lucy sits on her ass and looks at a blade of grass.

15. Neighbor drives by and yells out of car window "Nice walk!" Laugh at stupid joke.

16. Get to half-way point of walk. Put Lucy down. Lucy pees and poops on unsuspecting neighbor's lawn. (Don't forget poopie bags for clean up).

17. At this point, Lucy realizes she is half-way home. She commences her "walk"....sashaying down the sidewalk, swishing her tail back and forth in a very sassy manner.

18. Praise dog. "Good girl, Lucy!"

19. Get home. Lucy starts 3-hour nap to compensate for the 5 minutes of exercise she was forced to endure.

20. Repeat procedure every day of your life.

;^)


Happy Walking,
Penelope

19 comments:

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

ROTFLMAO! What a visual! She needs my Jake to nudge her along. He never stops running!
OMG, I am laughing so hard! Now you get in some weight lifting with your walk.
Maybe she's too pretty to walk?
She doesn't like getting hot?
She wants you to push her in one of those dog buggies?

Amber Skyze said...

LMAO...She needs my three boys. They drag me around like a mop. If I take the leashes out I need to protect myself from being attacked.

Kati said...

Heh. Unlike Lucy, Roxie is ALL ABOUT the walk. Because of our ginormous backyard, she rarely gets one (I'm not one for additional stimulation, she has a cat for that. )

Roxie likes to run to the end of her extena-leash and pop her front legs off the ground. She's 8YO and still acts like a puppy when being walked.

But like Lucy, a mile walk will encourage about a 2 hour nap, which I love. :)

KMont said...

You made me LOL loudly in a very quiet office. Now they're coming for me. Quick, throw me Lucy so she'll distract them!

heidenkind said...

LOL Are you sure Lucy isn't part cat?

Penelope said...

Hi Julia! I have never seen a dog who hated walks. What is up with that? My old doxie Rudy LOVED to walk...she would do 4-hr hikes...she was a mean, lean fighting machine. Lucy is a DIVA!!!!!!!

Penelope said...

You're lucky, Amber. I got a dog so I would get more exercise. Lucy would rather snooze in the sun.

Penelope said...

Hi Kati! hee hee....Lucy's day is naptime, interspersed with a few moments of eating and licking!

Penelope said...

Hi KMont! I'll bet if Lucy got together with your doxies, she would finally get some exercise!

Penelope said...

Heidenkind....She sort of looks like a cat. She is def. a big priss!

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

She sounds too cut :)

Penelope said...

Hi Juju....she knows she's cute....that's the problem!

Mollie said...

HAHA my doxie LOVES walks. She gets really excited when she sees my tennis shoes and "walking" outfit.

Penelope said...

You're lucky, Mollie! Most normal doxies do love to walk...I think I got the only dog in the world who hates walking. She drives me nutty!

Darlene Marshall said...

Every morning around 9:30 my doxie diva will get up from her bed in my office,sit in front of my desk and stare at me accusingly until I say, "Walkies?"

If I try to reason with her and say, "I'm in the middle of a huge plot breakthrough!" Yofi just gives me The Look until I remember who's in charge.

Penelope said...

Darlene...you have a doxie diva, too! Awesome!

Sam Cheever said...

LOL, thanks for sharing Penny. Lucy is gorgeous!!! I have a couple of doxies who don't really like to walk but they don't make me carry them, they just walk rrrrreeeeaaaaaalllllllyyyyyy slow. #:0) The rest of them are ping pong balls, pinging all over the place. They get three times as much exercise as I do. LOL.

New York Dog Walking Blog said...

Way to go Lucy! I think you have Penny trained very well ;)

scarlettparrish said...

I don't even like dogs and I want one!