Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Bite Down Brits, Alpha Chick Werewolves, and Horny Gorillas From Outer Space




Sometimes, as I'm reading a book, I wonder how the author composed a query letter trying to sell it. Because the premise is so wacky, it's hard to believe a publisher heard the pitch and then said...."This sounds great!" Here's an example.....


Dear Joe Schmo Publishing Co,

I hope you will consider publishing my story. It's a 30 page quickie about a super horny alpha male gorilla alien dude from outer space who kidnaps an earth girl to use as a sex slave, chases after her in the jungle, and then she gets trapped by a super horny alien plant that fondles her sex organs and tries to suck her dry until she goes completely insane (hence the title Dementia), but then the "hero" finds her and boinks her for most of the 30 pages, and then they decide they are hopelessly in love with each other.

I have been a member of the RWA for 14 years, and I live in Ohio with 37 cats and a pot-bellied pig.

Sincerely,
Susi Q Author



Dear Susi Q,

We'll take it!

Sincerely,
Joe Schmo



The super short quickie (took me about 5-10 minutes to read it, and cost me $4, which was irksome) Dementia was recommended as a "Tarzan and Jane" style book on the Amazon boards. Yep, it had a jungle and a super horny "hero"....and it was definitely a sexy story. It's part of a series, and I'm sure if I had read the rest of this series perhaps this book would have made more sense to me. It was a little too wonky, even for Penelope. Grade: C+


Next update....I read The Art Of Seducing A Naked Werewolf  by Molly Harper. Interesting thing about this new series by Molly Harper....these books are written in first person POV, but the first book is written by Mo (non werewolf with a killer sense of humor), and the second book is written in Maggie's POV (she is now the female alpha leader of her werewolf pack). This is the first time I have seen a series where the books are being told in first person POV by different characters, with very different "voices." Part of the reason that How To Flirt With A Naked Werewolf (first book in the series) was so adorable and cute is that the heroine's voice is spunky, sassy, sarcastic and hilarious. There is a real energy and sparkle to that book. Maggie, the heroine of the second book, has quite a different voice. So this book has a different feel to it. Harper's humor still comes through in this one, but it is not as zingy, not as sparkly. I felt like I was slogging through this one at times....places with too many info dumps, and one of my big pet peeves in romance--the hero and heroine were not together for a big chunk of the book. The best part of a romance is the chemistry between the hero and heroine, not the damned plot. If that's missing, so is the sparkle. This one fell flat for me. Other problems I had with it....not nearly as sexy as the first one, and a huge TSTL moment in the book for the heroine that pissed me off. Right after giving her cousin serious crap about running in the woods alone and almost getting killed, Maggie decides to...go off to run in the woods alone. I was disappointed with this one, but still love the humor of this author, and look forward to reading more of her books. Grade: C+

Finally, huge gigantic thanks to Patti from the blog Book Addict. I was in a foul, horrible mood and asked folks on twitter for a book recommendation to cheer me up, and Patti recommended The Unidentified Redhead by Alice Clayton. This was just what the doctor ordered, baby! So hilarious I could not stop laughing out loud. Alice Clayton accomplished two things with this book that impressed the hell out of me. One, she made her first person POV heroine sassy without being a pain in the arse (I loved her!), and two, she made this book incredibly sexy. It's not easy writing first person POV sex scenes and making them hot. This book was smoking hot, had unbelievably great chemistry between the hero and heroine, fabulous secondary characters, and was chock full of excellent pop culture references that made me swoon. The New Kids On The Block! Cory Haim! So great! I usually hate blond, curly haired heroes, but this Brit was super delish. The scene where they are eating in bed, and she is picking out melba toasts from the chex mix for him, and he is picking out wheat chex for her, and.....OK, you had to be there, but seriously, it's adorable! Any author who can make chex mix romantic is a winner in my book. Grade: A

Sincerely,
Joe Schmo Publisher I mean Penelope

9 comments:

Patti (Book Addict) said...

Hmmm...I loved How to Flirt but haven't read The Art of Seducing yet...*bites nails*

Yay! So glad you loved The Unidenfidied Redhead - it was one of my favorite reads last year ;) Love, love, love Johnny bite-down!!!

Penelope said...

Patti....I cannot thank you enough for that recommendation! I just adored this book, and I already downloaded the next one on my Kindle. Thank you!!!!! :^)

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

Me too!

While I LOOOVED Mo, I felt like Maggie lacked humor.

I'm working on my review soon :)

Great post!

Penelope said...

Hi Juju...looking forward to your review. I was pretty disappointed. I loved the first book...so cute and funny!

Sherry said...

Well for that book it doesn't hurt that the author also owns the publishing company. I actually love that series and I've been waiting for her to finally do some more of them.

Penelope said...

Hee hee, yes Sherry I realize that Jaid Black is the owner of EC. Which means this embarrassing query letter never actually existed. Too bad. I know folks like this series, and I might try another (longer) one. Do you think I need to read them in order? What would you recommend?

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Thanks for providing my laugh for today. I read the redhead book and enjoyed it - I'm not much into sassy heroines, but you're right, she wasn't over the top. I'm also not into blond men, but hey, he was okie dokie!
Do you wonder if the author of the Tarzan book wrote a three-line pitch?

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Oh, the author owns the publishing company, eh? Guess no pitch needed.

Penelope said...

Julia...did you read the next book by Alice Clayton?...I hope it's as good as The Unidentified Redhead.

I guess that's one of the pluses of owning your own publishing company...no more query letters! hee hee