SPECIAL HOLIDAY DEAL!

SPECIAL HOLIDAY DEAL!
The Klaus Brothers 99 cent BOXED SET for a limited time. Offer ends 12-31-14!

Friday, December 3, 2010

A Day In The Life Of The Amazon Romance Boards


New Topic: Big Breasted Heroines


Jeni: Hi! I really, really love books with big breasted heroines. Any recommendations for me? Thanks!

Cin: Have you tried Susie Q's series, Big Breasted Babes In Love? It's chock full of them.

Mari: Hi Jeni! Also, Susie W's book Lusting for Cari is a good one. I think the heroine is a 32CC, not huge, but still....big enough.

JK: 32CC is not big breasted.

Adam: Hi everyone! Hope you are all having a nice day. I thought you might be interested in my new book, The History of Bosnia. I released it today on the Kindle. Please give it a try. Thanks, Adam

Tami: I just read a fun vampire/werewolf/Amish/UF/steampunk spanky erotica called Dark. All of the 14 heroines had super big breasts. It was the source of their paranormal powers. I would definitely recommend this one. Good luck, Jeni

Gigi: Adam...this is a ROMANCE board. No one gives a flying f**k about the history of Bosnia. Go find some losers in the history section.

Tina: I just read a book with a small breasted heroine, called Sally and Bobby. Bobby has a nice chest, too.

JK: Stay on topic, Tina. We are looking for BIG breasts. Sheesh. I am down-voting your post.

Tami: JK, don't be such a b*tch.

Adam: FYI, The History Of Bosnia just got a 5 star review from my mother. Here's the link. I hope you'll consider my book. I worked on it for twelve years.

Gigi: Adam, GET OUT! We hate you. Like we give a sh*t about your mother's opinion. Get a freakin' life, loser.

Kati: Jeni, do you consider 36 DDD big enough? My twin sister Betti just wrote a book called Love in the Afternoon. She's an independent author and her book is great. The heroine's breasts are quite large and bouncy.

Jeni: Thanks for all the recommendations! I am going to check them out now...

Marci: Jeni, do you like PR? UF? w/ HEA? or M/M/M/F?

Adam: What language are you speaking?

Dotti: I read a Christian inspirational recently with a large-bosomed lady, called The Loneliest Rose. She was terribly self-conscious. It was troubling.

Jami: How about Outlander?

Marci: Why is it that Outlander is recommended on every board? Huh? For God's sake people, give it a rest. Outlander is not that great.

Gigi: Outlander is the greatest book ever published. I'm down-voting your post, Marci.

Marci: Oh, great, it's the We-Love-Outlander brigade. I'm down-voting your post, Gigi. You b***h!

Jasaminda: Hi! I just read a fascinating book about the history of Bosnia. Some of the characters have big breasts. It's really, really good. You should all go out and buy it right now.

Gigi: Jesus H. Christ, Adam. How stupid do you think we are? Jasaminda? GET OUT! We hate you, we hate Bosnia, we hate history books, we hate indie authors. I am down-voting your post, Jassy, and I'm reporting your spam to Amazon.

Jojo: Hi everyone! This is a great topic. I just read a book called Forever Yours, by Susie B. The heroine, and all of her sisters, and their cousins, and neighbors, too, had large knockers. Although, the book sort of sucked. But it does fit Jeni's criteria.

Patsi: Why the obsession with large breasts? Do breasts really define a woman? Her sexuality? Her desirability? I think other attributes are more important than breast size. Like creamy skin, luminescent eyes, and silky hair with lots of low lights and high lights.

Gigi: I'm down-voting your post, Patsi.

Tami: Kick it down a notch, Gigi. Did you take your lexapro today?

Staci: Hi Jeni! I just wrote a book called Lovers in Love. The heroine has large breasts. It's a wonderful and heart-warming and sexy story. Please check it out. Thanks!

WBJ: Oh for Christ's sakes! Will you indie authors get out of here! You are not welcome. You are not following Amazon guidelines and you are an abomination against all of mankind.

Staci: Pardon me? My book perfectly fits the criteria for this thread. Bite me, WBJ.

Gigi: I'm down-voting Staci's posts.

JK: You go, girl!

Chichi: Never mind them, Staci. The Promo Police try to squash us, undermine our creative impulses, destroy our spirits, and crush our hopes of ever having anyone besides our mothers purchase our books. But we independent authors will not be broken!!!!!!

Daisy: Go, Chichi!

Meggie: That's right, sistah! Indie Authors Forever!

Gigi: Where do these skanky indie ho's from hell come from? Seriously. They are KILLING me.

Kitti: Jeni, do you like back-door action (in your books, I mean...LOL!). If so, Gerald's Lust is a good book for you. The heroine has massive boobies. Hope you like it!

Jeni: Thanks, Kitti!

Tami: Did you write that book, Kitti? Just wonderin'....

Kitti: No. I'm not a writer. I'm have a doctorate in genetics and biochemistry from Harvard. I just happen to enjoy erotica with plenty of back-door action as a past time. What's it to you?

Adam: Hi Jeni-- I just re-wrote my book, The History Of Bosnia. I included several characters with large breasts. Please consider buying my book. I am begging you.

Babi: My favorite themes are death, murder, child abduction, rape and pillaging, and triads. Does anyone have a recommendation for me?

Tami: Babi, this is not appropriate for this thread. Please try to stay on topic. You can start another thread to discuss these types of books.

Cin: Actually, someone already did. Here's the link.

Barbi: My cat died today.

Joanie: Barbi, so sorry about that! Did your cat have big breasts?

Jeni: Well, thanks to everyone for your suggestions. My TBR pile is growing and growing! I think I'll start with The History Of Bosnia.

Adam: God bless you, Jeni. Will you marry me?


51 comments:

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

ROTFLMAO! Are you serious? Or are you paraphrasing? Hilarious!

Penelope said...

Hey Julia...actually, the scary thing is....this is pretty damned close to the insanity of those message boards! Not kidding!

Dee said...

omfg...soo funny! having been on the boards that is soo close to how it is...but you need to mix some more self-promoters in...

Rachel said...

I think I love you :D

Heather in FL said...

OMG that is hilarious!!! And sadly looks pretty accurate.

Penelope said...

Hi Dee! It's been especially bad over there lately. Needed to let off some steam here...hee hee!

Penelope said...

Hi Rachel and Heather....Thanks for stopping by!

Patti (Book Addict) said...

Hahaha - love it! I never get around to the boards, I guess this is why :)

Penelope said...

Patti...visit at your own risk!

mftracy said...

Funniest bit I've read in a long, long time! I had to show it to my husband; he screams with laughter as I write this post!

And yes, this is a very accurate depiction of the amazon boards!!!!

Penelope said...

mftracy....thanks for stopping by! Glad you liked the post!

Barb said...

I think I need to have a look. I need a good laugh! Thanks for sharing....

Lydia Storm said...

Too funny! Makes me scared to venture over there.

Penelope said...

Hi Barb and Lydia! Thanks for stopping by!! :)

JenM said...

Hilarious and absolutely spot on. I used to read the boards for entertainment value while I was bored at work. Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh.

KB/KT Grant said...

Bobby has big boobs! LOL

Funny thing is, I felt as if I was really reading the message boards at Amazon from this.

Kudos! Give us more!

Bells said...

This post is absolutely hilarious! I'm re-reading it just in case I missed something! LMAO!!

A Buckeye Girl Reads said...

This totally made my morning!

Kwana said...

Ok you have killed me from laugher this morning. I'm dying but first I gotta go and read The History Of Bosnia.

Penelope said...

Hi JenM...glad you liked it! :)

Penelope said...

Hi KB...my favorite thing is the totally random stuff people throw out there.

Penelope said...

Bells and A Buckeye Girl....thanks!

Kwana...my husband actually reads books like that for real. On the beach. No kidding. It's super embarrassing.

KMont said...

This is one of the best things I've read the entire year, and I'm including my fictional reading! OMG, I'm LMAO! Trying to eat at the same time, too. Someone please get the paramedics on standby in case this lettuce goes down the wrong pipe.

Mandi said...

I LOVE this..LOVE! OMG...this is so freaking spot on.

Pamela {Spaz} said...

This made my Monday, thank you!!

Eva / TXBookjunkie said...

OMG. So funny. And the sad thing is it's true!! *tears in eyes*

Marq said...

HILARIOUS! I'm at work trying to hold in my laughter and failing miserably! Thanks for the great post.

Penelope said...

Thanks, everyone! Glad I amused you today. :)

Carolyn Crane said...

This is so funny! ROTFL. You rule!

Laura said...

My degrees are in the physical sciences, but I might as well change my name to "Kitti". ;)

Blodeuedd said...

Lol, omg I have to check out those boards! I can just see them being as crazy as this

Penelope said...

Hey chickies! Thanks for stopping by....it's good to have a nickname if you're posting on the Ami boards!

Nina Pierce said...

I've never been to the Amazon boards ... it looks like I've been missing some fine entertainment.

KarLynP said...

Too funny!! And too true..

Kristie Leigh Maguire said...

You made my day with this! Reading the Amazon Boards are better than reading books! LOVE IT! Spot on!

Oh, BTW, I am an Indie Author and I wrote a book where the h had small boobs but I rewrote it after finding out about all those readers out there who preferred the h to have BIG BOOBS. In my revision, the h had breast implants and now she sports some really really HUGE knockers. Check it out!

Carolyn said...

Oh my gosh, this was funny! Thanks for the laugh.

pensees said...

This is hilarious! Where was the link to the History of Bosnia book? *grin* Oh, and BTW, Outlander rocks. Hee-hee!

Cyndi

Kiersten said...

I always suspected The History of Bosnia had big breasts.

Hysterical post!

Misfit said...

**applauds**

Very well done and I too felt like I was *there*.

Marg said...

LOL! Very clever and funny!

Penelope said...

Hi everyone! Thanks for stopping by...glad you like the post!!!! :)

Anonymous said...

This was brilliant!!! Only someone who frequents the Amazon boards would be able to do this so well. :) Kudos to you!

MiaMarlowe said...

Wickedly funny, my dear.

Kaetrin said...

I've never even been to the Amazon message boards but I was laughing my ass off at this! thank you! :)

Christina said...

I have never visited the Amazon Romance Boards but now will have to. Brilliant post! I loved it and now love you (in a non-stalking kind of way....unless of course you continue to post like this and then maybe just a little stalky).

Penelope said...

Hey ladies, thanks for stopping by.

Mia...you know I am a little bit wicked. hee hee

Hi Kaetrin....it's a whole other (scary) world over there.

Hi Christine....thanks! :)

GABY said...

Hahaha! I just have to go and check the romance boards on amazon ;)

MsM (Elizabeth Jules Mason) said...

That was hilarious!!

:o)


MsM

Sondrae Bennett said...

This is hillarious! Rolling on the floor hillarious. The only thing you missed is the person who thinks everyone is the author of the book they recommend...even if it's like a Nora Roberts book or some other popular author. Great post!

Penelope said...

Hi Sondrae...I'm glad you found my post! Yep, I know what you mean. Everyone is so freakin' suspicious over there!

Tammys said...

Thank you for making my morning a little easier to wake up to!!:D